.......idle jottings

[ho-hum]

Crystal Esprit. 3: Boarding & Disembarkation

 

A familiar format to Sea Dream devotees with this part included on their Guest Comment Card but with the important other criteria of getting your final bill and leaving the vessel added by smug pants Humself.

Important to Hum: is it important to you though ?

 

 

BOARDING & DISEMBARKATION

 

- SD's boarding is at 2.00pm and bags arrive usually 45 minutes later into your cabin

 

- SD passengers are served sparkling wine on boarding which creates a poor impression (they know to serve champagne in a glass to Hum and Blondie though). Also of late the canapes have been a bit "hit and miss" (potato crisps and saucissons served !) but generally they are great (on CE there were no canapés).

 

- Registration on SD is efficient and friendly but on Crystal mostly everything has been pre-registered before you even leave home which is fantastic

 

- Off the "jolly old" plane and a smart lady holds a sign at the bottom of the plane stairs for passengers for CE. We "scarper off" with her into a smallish but dedicated, air-conditioned Lounge and are offered towels, drinks, sandwiches. Passports are collected along with immigration documents and baggage receipts and just before Hum can read how awful the stock markets have been doing making him consider sending Blondie back to work, we are whisked away. So no queuing at Immigration in front of gruff bored officials asking inane questions (like have you come to our country to form a coup and become El Presidente and subject our people to a lifetime of servitude. Yes ....... sorry, Hum means No. The question wasn't clear but if ever a Jim Avery visits your country, you can bet that's just what he'll want to do unless you give him free beer during his stay). NEITHER is there the wait for one's baggage and loading it (yourself) onto "wonky" wheeled trollies which have a mind of their own. This is heaven. One "bummer": the light in the WC was'nt working, so you were left to fumble in the darkness which would explain the flies at half mast incident !

 

- We arrive at a hotel for pre-boarding onto CE after our private driver get's lost ! Thank heavens we have the embarkation details and map provided by CE (which the happy Seychellian driver dismissed at the start of our journey saying he knew where it was until finally admitting defeat and then remembering he drove other passengers to CE to another location just a week earlier ! Ye Gods man ! But at least he was friendly. Hum still had to whip him though). Had we driven in the bus arranged by CE with all the other passengers, it would have been straightforward but we would still have arrived later. The bus transfer was charged for. Bags thrown on top of roof ! Passengers aghast ! Oh get over it.

 

- Our bags are offloaded, we are greeted by a row of people, bags are taken, champagne in glasses proffered, smiles all round, we are asked to read a Health questionnaire concerning all possible things that could have possibly befallen us. Hum enquires whether being "hung over" with a "head" is permissible and Hum is quickly reassured it does not ban him from entry onboard. All of this is simply an exercise in covering "backsides" (oh you cynic Hum ! Too right !).

 

- a walk along the boats in the nouveau riche marina ensues with friendly indigenous, youthful, local bag carriers and a boss with whom we chit-chat until we arrive at the gang plank

 

- now the gang plank on SD is a metal grilled affair usually with a small canopy at the base and a chappie who will take your hand baggage. It is a tad workmanlike. The gang plank on the CE is a disgrace. Paint splattered and at an incline so steep. All of which makes you feel you are joining a Russian fishing trawler from the 1950's ! The top of the stairs onboard has a detector which you pass through and which goes off with Hum just a few feet away ! Hum is waived through. Just for show to deter would be jihadists (aah we cannot storm the ship, we have to pass a metal detector. Dammit foiled again). A few days later and the gangway is being completely re-painted with new black grip edging strips being applied. Consternation abated. Hum supervises the maintenance.

 

- Unfortunately there are raised edges in between larger flat sections however these raised sections are finished in the same black strips thus rendering them visually un-distinguishable to the casual observer which could lead to a trip. Very poor arrangement. Use bright yellow for the raised sections.

 

- CE spend $2 million on a sub yet the gang plank is this "piece of.......work" oi vay !

 

- we enter a glorious reception to an array of smiling, smartly, uniformed personnel and again proffered champagne in a glass (not plastic). The reception on SD is not as grand but there we are greeted by the Captain, which is nice.

 

- We are lead to our cabin along a wide corridor, plushly carpeted to a nice door which is opened and in we "toddle". Photos and final registration are all done in the cabin, again which is nice

 

- our bags are already in the cabin. We could have asked the butler to un-pack for us but we decide to arrange things ourselves thus saving the embarrassment of the butler saying "Lord Hum what shall I do with this tent" ? Those are Hum's pants, stupid boy !

 

- Our truly wonderful Phillipino housekeeping lady introduces herself. She is all smiles, courteous and extremely helpful. "Right from the off" you know she is going to be good which she proved to be throughout our time onboard as was her colleague operating the same floor.

 

- A few minutes later a very smart, Phillipino butler arrives. Also smiling and full of helpful advice and assistance who also proved to be throughout our stay onboard. The other butler was equally present for us and helpful.

 

- we all have life boat drill within hours of embarkation, where life jackets would be provided (on SD you have to take the lifejacket from your cabin). It is far too long with information no one will remember: SD's is simpler and you have a better chance of remembering it and know how to put on jackets. The jackets on CE are more complicated and you don't try them on. And what if there are no jackets at the "Muster Station" ? You know precisely where they are on SD but there would be a lot of running to and fro.

 

- sadly there was no talk of sanitation, hand cleaning etc.. There is precious little on SD either but there are many signs and a cleaner is always cleaning down stair handrails as they occasionally do on CE too. Reassuring but more so on SD. But it always amazes Hum, cruise lines are un-willing to talk "norovirus" and safeguards we must take

 

- disembarkation on CE is altogether more civilised than SD where everyone has to put main baggage in corridor the night before (well by 1.00am to be accurate). This leaves the corridor a nightmare to navigate and is a safety hazard should evacuation be required. On CE, you simply call your butler when you are darn ready.

 

- however Hum was not too pleased about having to confirm disembarkation details on CE on Day 3 of a 7 day voyage: Day 5 is better.

 

- Hum has never had one incorrect bill on SD over the years. CE had just one charge for transfers to and from ship: we had arranged our own (so no charges should have applied). A shame; the Purser is very nice. When Hum gently explained the situation, it didn't go down easily and no apology was given. Rude ! No amended final statement re-submitted. Bet CE will still ruddy well charge.

 

- No senior crew member wished us goodbye on CE ! On SD there is the Captain, Hotel Manager and all. A much nicer way of saying goodbye. Talk about feeling under valued.

 

- navigating the gang plank in heels was again a nightmare on CE ! Blondie found it difficult too !!! Geddit ? Blondie..... Oh forget it !

 

- there was assistance with bags from ship to awaiting chauffeur on CE. SD will help you with baggage until Luggage Hall, then you're own your own into the cruel, cruel world.

 

CONCLUSION

- CE take care of you from leaving the plane ! You have Immigration and bags taken care of and are driven to the ship where you have mostly pre-registered: how amazing is that ?

- But disembarkation is without good wishes from senior crew and you wonder whether there will be a fight over your wrongly charged bill. Squibs have never been so damp !

- SD is good enough and always friendly. Bills are never wrong either.

 

SCORES:

- CE: 9/10

- SD: 7/10

 

Shoreside Management: CE: 13. SD: 8 Winner CE

Boarding & Disembarkation: CE: 9. SD: 7 Winner CE

Running Total (so far): CE: 22. SD: 15

 

Crystal Esprit; way out in front !!

From a 5 point lead to a 7 point lead.

Lead would have been greater had CE not overlooked importance of disembarkation and getting Hum's bill right and then to be abrupt about it too !

 

And soooo early in the race.

Never saw that coming.

Has this Hum guy been got at ?

Yes, Hum is completely open to inducements / bribes.

Lodge the fee into Hum's Swiss account by noon tomorrow or the review could look a bit ......

Sorry no further bets.......it's looking like Crystal is running away with it.....

 

How you liking it all so far ?

Now we're on the "real stuff"

And tomorrow it starts to get really exciting !!!!

Hum cant wait !!!

Some shocks.

[kathyanddanny]

No Kathy, they are the prettiest but boy oh boy the humidity !!!

Akarumba !!!

But you like that stuff dont you ?

 

See you beeen a "whippin' a....." on two uppity "ladies".

Haha

 

We should follow Jim's lead and take the higher ground.....no not to drop a rock from a great height !!!

Haha

 

Ho Hum, well, I like the heat but humidity sends me round the bend!

If I'm being asked to behave? Then I better stay here where I feel most comfortable!...as you well know, uppity is not my thing. Anyway, what happened over there on Crystal critic? Seems humour is not on the agenda!? :roll eyes but your OK in Danny and Kathy's eyes! Oh! Darn! Did I just exspress myself in the third person!? Haha!

[Keith1010]

I am thoroughly enjoying your review and comparisons.

 

Keith

[nancygp]

ho-hum...loving your review and comparisons.

 

Was Clark your butler? If not, did you meet him...such a great guy.

 

looking forward to more...please sir!!!!

 

Nancy

[kathyanddanny]

Great review!!!...I had to laugh at the image of you walking the gang plank in heels! Hahaha! I can understand the details that can add up to CE being in the lead...but!... The important thing for me is the crew! Oh! And a pool! Oh! And also the matress! Haha! Looking forward to more! :)

[knotheadusc]

I must admit that I laughed!

 

In a month, I can do the same when I sail Hebridean Princess again! :D

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

News flash, passenger coming off the plane behind ho-hum posts photo!

 

[brazilgirl]

Ho Hum....quite good readings so far. CE moving up on my bucket list!

 

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Jim Avery]

Hang on. Hum always saves the best for last.:eek::D

[MillieRyan08]

As an avid reader of "idle jottings" and a future Sea Dream club member, I am absolutely loving Hum's review, And for me, it's about the only review I have read so indepth of Sea Dream as well, so double banger! It's like reading a damn good book. I too have flicked across to Crystal only to keep up with the "characters" referred to in Hum's jottings.

 

This is brilliant work! Thanks so much Hum!

 

Cheers to all, Millie

Edited February 24, 2016 by MillieRyan08

[Jim Avery]

Right you are M. Crystal should give Mr. Hum an award or at least a discount on a cruise because, like you, we also have now looked at Crystal as a possible. Though Esprit is not for us due to the hassle and expense of getting there, we have looked at other Crystal ships we would not have previously considered. I imagine Hum is sleeping at the moment but maybe he will get up early to continue with his novel.:D

[Keith1010]

Right you are M. Crystal should give Mr. Hum an award or at least a discount on a cruise because, like you, we also have now looked at Crystal as a possible. Though Esprit is not for us due to the hassle and expense of getting there, we have looked at other Crystal ships we would not have previously considered. I imagine Hum is sleeping at the moment but maybe he will get up early to continue with his novel.:D

 

I hope you give it a try.

 

Keith

[ho-hum]

I am thoroughly enjoying your review and comparisons.

 

Keith

 

Coming from you means a lot, friend.

[ho-hum]

ho-hum...loving your review and comparisons.

 

Was Clark your butler? If not, did you meet him...such a great guy.

 

looking forward to more...please sir!!!!

 

Nancy

 

No darling.

Clark did 2nd class.

We were in 1st (naturally).

We "had" (so to speak), Kenneth.

 

Both gentlemen were absolutely amazing.

Hum adored them both.

They are 10***** (5 star) in Hum's estimation.

And Hum has rarely bestowed this score.

They also showed such warmth and kindness.

Top, top, top gentlemen.

Love em, love em, love em.

 

Oh and thanks for your kind words and support.

 

Making my way over now!!!! glad you made my buddy Patty happy!!!

 

Nancy

 

Is there nobody you don't know lady ?

Glad Hum cheered Patty.

Let's keep spreading that love.

[ho-hum]

I must admit that I laughed!

 

In a month, I can do the same when I sail Hebridean Princess again! :D

 

OK knotsheadusc, your secret is safe with us !!!!

 

 

HEY EVERYBODY, KNOTSHEADUSC LAUGHED AT HUM'S REVIEW.

YES

IT'S TRUE EVERYBODY

 

Sorry knotsheadusc, Hum's middle name is DISCRETION but his first name is BLABBER MOUTH !!!

 

Please tell us all about HP. That would be brilliant.

[ho-hum]

News flash, passenger coming off the plane behind ho-hum posts photo!

 

 

Hehe

[ho-hum]

Ho Hum....quite good readings so far. CE moving up on my bucket list!

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

Uhuh.....l

That was'nt sent from your iPad using Taptalk by any chance ?

 

 

Hang on. Hum always saves the best for last.:eek::D

 

Haha....!

That was'nt posted from the toilet at Rancho Avero by any chance ?

[brazilgirl]

Ha! Posted from my iphone using Tapatalk [emoji6][emoji6]

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[richb21]

So was at an Atlanta sea dream event tonight hosted by Bob L and he was asked about sea dream 3 (if this has all been covered here apologies for the repeat) and replied to expect an announcement in the very near future but will take 2 years or so to build. Was also asked about Cuba and said they are working on it and hope to have it as soon as practicable as a natural destination for sea dream. Well attended by mostly repeaters, nice crowd and well done, all got $500 off vouchers for bookings in next 30 days.

[ho-hum]

As an avid reader of "idle jottings" and a future Sea Dream club member, I am absolutely loving Hum's review, And for me, it's about the only review I have read so indepth of Sea Dream as well, so double banger! It's like reading a damn good book. I too have flicked across to Crystal only to keep up with the "characters" referred to in Hum's jottings.

 

This is brilliant work! Thanks so much Hum!

 

Cheers to all, Millie

 

Well MillieRyan08,

Any relation to MilleRyan07 ?

Super guy.

Sailed the Indian Ocean with him in 1982.

 

MillieRyan you are obviously a person of great taste and discernment.

Most times it's just Hum and Jim ........ yeah, you understand !

 

Glad you approach the review in that way for when Hum sees it posted for the first time, he is shocked how ruddy long it is !!!!

Oi vay !

 

Hum just hopes the comments are fair but entertaining too.

Hum does'nt want to appear nit picking neither but Hum observes.

Mostly it is barely conscious but impressions are being made.

People in the main.

Oh if Hum wrote about people too !!!!

When Blondie and Hum are onboard we always have nicknames for people.

"Watch out darling, here comes Dracula" !

Some can be very rude indeed.

We reserve the rudest for the nasty ones !

We love nasty ones !

When we meet up with others, it's always fun to share nicknames over a few drinks huddled away from the throng.

One day we met a couple and we were chatting, as you do, and we dropped in the nickname of a passenger and when we all met up he used the nickname !!

 

Anyways thanks for your very nice words.

Hum is about 30% way through and Hum can tell you one thing, it's going to get more and more EXCITING !!!!!!!!!

[ho-hum]

Right you are M. Crystal should give Mr. Hum an award or at least a discount on a cruise because, like you, we also have now looked at Crystal as a possible. Though Esprit is not for us due to the hassle and expense of getting there, we have looked at other Crystal ships we would not have previously considered. I imagine Hum is sleeping at the moment but maybe he will get up early to continue with his novel.:D

 

Aye, aye sir !

 

Heck Jim, have'nt even had time, to get outta bed and go to the little boys room !!!

 

Look !

 

Heck, Hum's just shown 500 people his bedroom !!!

Maybe there's a few dollars to be made here !!

 

Jim, Hum is exactly 12 hours different to you. Hum's just a gettin' up and you ..... well it's what Wednesday night at yours, so suppose you are off to the John Wayne Memorial Gun Club. That barn door over there still ain't got a scratch on it !

Haha

We always laugh dont we old chum ....... Raggy, killed Hum with the photo too.

OK gotta go.

Gotta finish the next piece.

Gettin' exciting ain't it ?

 

[ho-hum]

Ha! Posted from my iphone using Tapatalk [emoji6][emoji6]

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Yeah Hum could tell....... have a nice evening.

[MillieRyan08]

Well MillieRyan08,

Any relation to MilleRyan07 ?

Super guy.

Sailed the Indian Ocean with him in 1982.

 

MillieRyan you are obviously a person of great taste and discernment.

Most times it's just Hum and Jim ........ yeah, you understand !

 

Glad you approach the review in that way for when Hum sees it posted for the first time, he is shocked how ruddy long it is !!!!

Oi vay !

 

Hum just hopes the comments are fair but entertaining too.

Hum does'nt want to appear nit picking neither but Hum observes.

Mostly it is barely conscious but impressions are being made.

People in the main.

Oh if Hum wrote about people too !!!!

When Blondie and Hum are onboard we always have nicknames for people.

"Watch out darling, here comes Dracula" !

Some can be very rude indeed.

We reserve the rudest for the nasty ones !

We love nasty ones !

When we meet up with others, it's always fun to share nicknames over a few drinks huddled away from the throng.

One day we met a couple and we were chatting, as you do, and we dropped in the nickname of a passenger and when we all met up he used the nickname !!

 

Anyways thanks for your very nice words.

Hum is about 30% way through and Hum can tell you one thing, it's going to get more and more EXCITING !!!!!!!!!

 

Hum, are you kidding me? I'm absolutely love love loving this review, warts n, all. I don't want it to end. There is nothing quite like this 'out there' written about sea dream. Highlight of my morning is waking up and seeing a new installment. Yes, it's been a drag waiting for it, and a big tease, but it's happening and I'm thrilled. So thank you for taking the time.

 

Now just have to figure out how I get the champagne, not the sparkling, when I do finally board.....perhaps say I'm allergic?

 

Cheers, Millie

[MillieRyan08]

Right you are M. Crystal should give Mr. Hum an award or at least a discount on a cruise because, like you, we also have now looked at Crystal as a possible. Though Esprit is not for us due to the hassle and expense of getting there, we have looked at other Crystal ships we would not have previously considered. I imagine Hum is sleeping at the moment but maybe he will get up early to continue with his novel.:D

 

Yes Jim, I agree, Hum's review is worthy of a booker prize.....well almost. Payment for sure in one way or another. I just hope both sea dream and esprit read his review and actually take notice. It's in their best interests to do so. Especially Sea Dream who obviously know Hum and perhaps have heard a lot of the gripes before. Simple fixes to most for sure. Perhaps now that there is worthy competition it may be that they finally sit up and listen to him....and others.

 

Cheers, Millie

[May B]

I just hope both sea dream and esprit read his review and actually take notice. It's in their best interests to do so.

 

That's exactly what I was thinking!

 

Looking forward to future installments. Plenty of smiles and laughter already received.