How to deal with family coming with you on same cruise

[cessnabmw]

We have a bit of a situation and looking for some advise.

 

We booked our cruise in Sept. When hanging out with some friends and cousins mentioned that we were going and that it would be fun to all go. One of our cousins said they would love to but had come from from a cruise in Aug. and time off would be an issue.

 

A few weeks later they told us they were able to get time off and will join us. Booked the same cruise and same deck (7) a few doors down. We each have two kids all in the under 10 age.

 

Once the euphoria had settled, reality kicked in. They now wanted us to fly down together, stay together pre-cruise, stay together post cruise as well. We had planned to stay post, rent a car and drive to Key West. They wanted to this too.

 

The kicker is that do nothing to find deals for places to stay, nothing to find rentals, have no clue what ship we are on, what it has to offer, have no clue of the ports, etc!!!

 

We are doing all the work! To add salt to the wound, after we found places to stay, car rentals etc, they ask if they can put half the cost on their CC for points!!

 

They seem to keep pissing us off :(:mad:

 

Now they want to know what we are doing at the ports.

 

We have decided that since they are first cousins, we really can't spoil the relationship. We enjoy their company but not their lack of effort to ever do anything. They basically want all the fun and research done and they just show up.

 

Thoughts we have are:

 

1. On the ship, we will just do our own thing. Not pre plan anything with them.

2. We have our bookings linked so will meet up for dinner daily. Kids can hang out and we can have some adult time.

3. We have cars booked for St. Maarten and St. Kitts. They asked what our plans were and we said we haven't decided... Will let them know a day before the cruise that we have made plans for ports.

 

On a ship, how easy is it bump into people you know / came with?

 

Looking for suggestions on how to deal with this as we are really looking forward to a fun time and some family time alone as well and will not let anything ruin it.

[cruisead]

We had a similar situation with cousins, and what we did was sit down with them and say that we were not going to be attached at the hip, that we all need our separate time and that there will be times that we will hang together, namely for dinner. We told them that rental cars will only hold a certain number of people, so they will have to book their own cars, find their own hotels.

 

It's a good idea to not tell them about your shore excursions too far in advance.

[ger_77]

I believe the first thing you need to do is sit down with your cousins and have a heart-to-heart talk. This is your vacation as well as theirs, and you are not a travel agent. I know it sounds harsh, but you are already sounding like your holiday is becoming more of a chore than something to look forward to.

 

I would tell your cousins that although you enjoy the thought of having them onboard with you, they should not expect to be "joined at the hip" for the duration of the trip. Assign them something to do - find restaurants at the port prior to sailing, look into cost of getting your group to the ship, etc., and don't take no for an answer. If they want a holiday, they have to put something into it as well.

 

Onboard you can set guidelines such as no phone calls to the cabin before 9AM, otherwise you might have the kids wanting to have your children join them for breakfast, etc. Get up with your family when you choose, have breakfast, enjoy your time around the ship, and agree to meet somewhere for dinner every evening. If both families do different things during the day, it increases the amount of table-talk topics for all.

 

Some of this may sound harsh, but I've been in your shoes, and realized that being a martyr is not my calling. :rolleyes: Please let us know how you handle this situation.

 

Smooth Sailing ! :) :) :)

[borasue]

On a ship, how easy is it bump into people you know / came with?

 

We've only been on one cruise, and that was on HAL's Maasdam, a smaller ship. I can tell you, though, it seemed as though we bumped into the same people many times in the course of a week. Sounds like you need to set some parameters with your cousin. Diplomatically establish your expectations re: alone time and cost sharing upfront. If that flies, then give them a task list to help with the planning. Also, give them plenty of time to rethink their plans to join you before final payment. :cool:

[tbbtravels]

That's going to be tough on your guys. We have had that stuff happen before. We are grin and bear it people. Just hide and always have someone to meet or a nap to take.

You could always talk to one of them about it - but that may be a worse can of worms. I vote - research the ship - change cabins/floors with out telling them - say it was an upgrade.

Get together with some roll call people and get stuff planned. I leave Saturday and this roll call is awesome. We have 2 meet and greets, a putt putt contest, bar crawls, cabin crawls, ornament swap,,,,,,,just fun activity after activity. Just make the tagalongs hang to themselves. Gotta save your sanity or you are gonna need a vacation for the vacation.

Oh but if I did all the work on the trip - no sharing the points. They would be all mine!!!!! Sometimes you do have to stand up for yourself!

Edited November 29, 2014 by tbbtravels

[MommaBear55]

When we travel with family or friends we arrange to spend dinner together but we spend the rest of the time doing as we please. Sometimes we do stuff with others but it is not mandatory. In fact, it is nice for me to have my husband have someone to sit with in the pub to drink beer with and for me to have someone to shop with.

 

As far as being the cousin's travel agent, no way! And as far as changing payment so they can get points too, no way! You made the arrangements, you get the points. I have also not seen rental cars on St Marten that seat six, do just say the car is too small. You might offer to take their child for a day so they can do an excursion by themselves, then they could reciprocate at a different port.

 

I love the idea of no calls before a certain hour. I hate being regimented on vacation.

 

Key West is actually a bit trickier I my mind. Maybe saying after being with lots of people on a ship, you are looking forward to quiet family time.

 

Good luck finessing this!

[zoncom]

Can you still cancel and rebook without penalty? I see a ruined vacation here. You are becoming an unpaid tour guide, travel agent and baby sitter. If they do not like your choices you will be blamed .Email them this is your family vacation.You have to set the rules.Change cabins, not telling them your new cabin number.Meet for dinners only.

[paul929207]

I would sit down with them and explain to them what you have told us. You feel they are taking advantage of you. You feel they should do some of the research and planning. Ask them to take the ports of call or something else you have not done.

[serene56]

On a ship, how easy is it bump into people you know / came with?.

 

Very easy. As big as the ship is== there is only a few decks of public places you will be on.,

 

Lido deck for food and swimming.

 

Promanade deck where the entertainment is.

maybe the spa deck...

 

When planning your vacation-- the cousins may not want to upset you and is letting you do the work. I agree with the previous poster that now is the time to sit down and talk with your cousin and not let resentment seep in. They probably do not know.

[zoncom]

I see the big problem is spending 10 hrs. a day with these folks when you are probably used to an occasional dinner or Saturday night.People are different on vacation. I speak from experience .A bad experience.Dinner is enough.

[cb at sea]

I would have had a talk with them straight away...tell them that it's best for everyone to "do their own thing", and we'll have dinners together...tell them when YOU plan to eat...and don't let them sway your decisions!

 

Tell them to head to the library and get guidebooks on the ports, so they'll know what there is to do. If, for some reason, you decide to do the same things at a the same time....great! If not, do NOT feel guilty! This is YOUR vacation...you should do what you want, without regard to what they want. They can take care of their own needs!

 

You can only be "taken advantage of" if you allow it...so do NOT allow it!

 

 

It can be fun to have others you know on a cruise, but you do need to set limits..so set them, already!!

Edited November 29, 2014 by cb at sea

[BeagleOne]

It sounds like you will have to be completely blunt with them. Tell them you have already made all of your travel arrangements, the trip to Key West is for your family only, they are responsible for their own family arrangements, and you will see them on the ship at dinner.

 

I like the idea of changing cabins if you can, but if your bookings are linked they may be able to find out where you are.

 

Or just cancel and rebook, if you can do so with no or minimum penalties. PLEASE keep in mind that THEY are the ones spoiling the cousin relationship, not you, and PLEASE stand up for yourself. I have a friend who didn't, and now she has a self-invited house guest for SIX WEEKS, including Christmas, all while she is coping with a new job, a stroppy teenager, and an ill family member.

[paul929207]

Changing cabins may not make much difference. If you are like us, you will not spend many awake hours in your cabin.

[zoncom]

Your relatives will be knocking on your cabin door at all hours looking for info, inviting you to go to unwanted places on shore and generally invading your privacy with a nearby cabin.

[NMLady]

I would have had a talk with them straight away...tell them that it's best for everyone to "do their own thing", and we'll have dinners together...tell them when YOU plan to eat...and don't let them sway your decisions!

 

Tell them to head to the library and get guidebooks on the ports, so they'll know what there is to do. If, for some reason, you decide to do the same things at a the same time....great! If not, do NOT feel guilty! This is YOUR vacation...you should do what you want, without regard to what they want. They can take care of their own needs!

 

You can only be "taken advantage of" if you allow it...so do NOT allow it!

 

 

It can be fun to have others you know on a cruise, but you do need to set limits..so set them, already!!

 

I wholeheartedly agree. :D :)

[Cruisin' Chick]

I'm a bit confused by this:

"The kicker is that do nothing to find deals for places to stay, nothing to find rentals, have no clue what ship we are on, what it has to offer, have no clue of the ports, etc!!!"

 

How could they have booked the same cruise? And if they are just assuming that they could horn in on your rental cars, etc., you needed to bring up the misunderstanding right away. Are they expecting you to book their hotel and flights too? And transfer your arrangements onto their account so they can get points (why not offer to pay for your entire fare then)?

[Perl47]

We've cruised several times with friends and family and have made it clear from the start that we're all spending a lot of money to go on this cruise and that it would be unfair and unwise for any of us to feel pressured into doing something that isn't exactly what they want to do.

 

Therefore, we say we'll have dinner together every night and enjoy one another's company. While we're together, we'll discuss what our plans are for the next day and if they happen to be the same, we'll attempt to do it together but if not, we'll see them again the next night for dinner.

 

I didn't stick to it a couple of times and learned my lesson. Perhaps offer to send your cousin the website links for items of interest you've found so that it'll be easier for her to do the research she needs to do.

 

As for the cc points for the purchases, RED FLAG, RED FLAG, RED FLAG, nip it in the bud ASAP. Just tell him/her that you've already made your plans and you'll share your itinerary so they're free to make the same arrangements with their credit card or choose something different.

 

Hopefully they'll make friends and find other people to hang out with on occasion.

 

Have a great trip!

[Kartgv]

Agree with the others that you need to have a kind but frank discussion, the sooner the better. Figure out which things are really important to you and make sure to cover them. Point out that one of the best things about travel of any kind is the researching and planning; by not doing their own, they may miss out on something that they'd love seeing or doing. If you really want to share dinner each night, fine - but if not, plan something like dining together only on sea days, or one night when one couple eats with all the kids, the other eats in a specialty restaurant, a special romantic evening for each couple.

 

If you approach this conversation with care and enthusiasm about how much you'll enjoy the time you do spend together, you shouldn't create any hard feelings. If you don't have the conversation and continue to let them take advantage of you, they'll pick up on your feelings of resentment at some point and probably won't have any idea why.

[donaldsc]

Do you have cancel for any reason insurance? If so, right after final payment date, what you should do is find some reason to cancel the cruise and then rebook on another cruise.

 

If you don't, you have to have the hard talk with these freeloaders -

 

1) Uncouple your booking and put their cruise bookings in their name. That makes them responsible for the dumb mistakes that they will make.

 

2) Do not commit to ANY meals with them. You eat with them if you want to. Never for breakfast or lunch. Do anytime dining so they will never know when you are eating. Book some specialty dining and do not tell them.

 

3) No joined tours at all.

 

4) You did the work - you keep the perks.

 

5) Once you get your bookings uncoupled, get an "upgrade" even if you have to pay for it far away from their cabin.

 

I guess that you have found that no good deed goes unpunished.

 

DON

[grandebarca]

Sounds tough. My wife and 2 kids went on a cruise with my mom and grandma and it was a little frustrating trying to meet up with mom and grandma all the time and hand off kids. Sometimes we would spend 30 minutes searching for them which is a huge waste of vacation as far as I'm concerned.

 

If we do that type of trip again, we would kindly set some ground rules. Maybe have dinner together most nights and catch up then, plus whatever else we arrange on an ad hoc basis.

 

I think you can swing it with your cousins, just let them know that you aren't their travel agent and might want to read up on the ports to see what they want to do. Your rental cars aren't going to hold them. I would share what I'm looking at doing but make it clear you're a free agent on this cruise in port and on board.

[6rugrats]

Do you have cancel for any reason insurance? If so, right after final payment date, what you should do is find some reason to cancel the cruise and then rebook on another cruise.

Am guessing this is the cruise OP is leaving on in 13 days. Even if they had this insurance, they'd probably get a refund of only about 50% with most policies.

 

No one can take advantage of you unless you let them.

[cessnabmw]

Wow! So many responses and suggestions! Thank you so much!!!

 

Yes, this is the cruise we leave for in 12 days, so can't really cancel.

 

Will have to find a diplomatic way of bring this up once at the beginning, being very articulate and clear and setting the expectations.

[Jo-Bob]

Please don't wait until you are on the ship to have this conversation. Some people can be easily hurt\offiended, and it would be awful if the convo went off the rails at the start of what's supposed to be a great vacation. Nothing worse than strained 'relations' right off the bat.

 

You already sound fairly resentful of the situation, and since you asked for advice, mine is to put as many days between the 'conversation' and the start of the trip. You'll probably feel better having it out of the way, and it'll allow for further 'boudary' setting should it be required.

 

Truly hope you have a great time.

[paul929207]

You know these people and your relationship with them, none of us does. So take that into account when deciding what to do. They may not understand the effort that goes into planning a trip like this.

[zoncom]

Agree with JB. Do an Email TODAY so you know they have received. Just noticed this is your first. Your ship carries 3000 cruisers. One of slower weeks, plenty of cabins left. Discount site shows like 80% off rack rate. $349 I, $479 O, Balcony $899.This means you can change cabins now with whomever you booked with. Also make sure if you booked all cabins that you will not be liable for ship board expenses.Theirs should be in their names only. Cousins need to be liable with their own debit or credit card, which is used like cash for bar bills, ship excursions, anything purchased onboard. 8 folks are too many for shore visits. One will get lost, another wants to spend hours shopping. Too many for one cab. Who gets stuck with shore expenditures? You.Its up to you to not be an enabler.