Dress code and offending people

[PORT ROYAL]

Hello,on Queen Elizabeth, last year,on two seperate occasions a man was asked to leave the Commodore because they were not wearing jackets.Both accepted readily although one did just say he thought it was only relevant on formal nights.

We were sharing our dining table with a rather loud man.On the first formal night a man entered the dining room without a suit.Our table companion,raised his arm clicked his fingers and shouted very very loudly, "Maitre, I thought there was a dress code".The rest of the table squirming with embarresment.

The staff member said he would investigate.He returned to say that Cunard had lost the passengers Tuxedo.I think if I had been that man no matter who's fault it was I would have been too self concious to dine in the MDR that night.The volume continued on our table alas.

Rodger.

 

I suffered the misplacement of two off TUX by Cunard, but they allowed the gratis selection from rental, so one could dine correctly dressed. Good news, both TUX returned following day, with no charges.

[MeredithFairfax]

At the table next to us in the MDR recently was a family with two young boys, I would guess aged around 4 and 6. On formal nights they both wore tuxedos and bow ties, and they looked fabulous. It would have been much easier, and cheaper, to have dressed them less smartly, and I was really impressed. They really had entered into the spirit of the formal dress code.

Edited August 26, 2015 by MeredithFairfax

[Capt_BJ]

I live in Florida and am retired

 

I can count the number of times I've worn long pants in the last 5 years on one hand .... up to our crossing this June

 

 

Cost me almost $1000 in new clothes but I enjoyed every minute because SHE enjoyed every minute .....

[Scriv]

You both look wonderful!! :)

[fantasy51]

Capt BJ, you will have to book lots more Cunard cruises so you can get good use out of those great clothes! :)

[SylviaB]

To the OP, try Cunard! It's a wonderful line. I worried too the first time about being dressed up enough with a calf length dress, and I like dressing up.

 

Don't let anyone here tell you not to go with Cunard.

 

On one of my crossings, one of the table mates was a young man who booked the crossing on whim over taking a flight home after travelling through Europe for months. He didn't have a suit, he was still welcome at our table on formal nights. One elderly lady at the table wasn't too happy about his dress code violation, but he was a lovely, interesting and friendly guest so the rest of us certainly welcomed him.

 

Don't worry. Book the crossing (if it's the 29th of October, I'll be onboard too) and enjoy it.

 

I certainly wouldn't let anyone's outfits spoil my enjoyment. It doesn't affect anyone and life's too short to be judgmental about these kind of things.

:)

[poshtotty]

I live in Florida and am retired

 

I can count the number of times I've worn long pants in the last 5 years on one hand .... up to our crossing this June

 

 

Cost me almost $1000 in new clothes but I enjoyed every minute because SHE enjoyed every minute .....

 

You both look superb Capt.... Mrs Capt's dress is just perfect :)

[GUT2407]

I live in Florida and am retired

 

I can count the number of times I've worn long pants in the last 5 years on one hand .... up to our crossing this June

 

 

Cost me almost $1000 in new clothes but I enjoyed every minute because SHE enjoyed every minute .....

 

A man after me own heart, happy wife happy life.

 

I even look like taking my diner suit (tux) next cruise, 'cause it'll make HER happy.

[Summergee]

On formal nights there are a few areas of the ship where passengers who don't want to dress up, for whatever reason, are welcome. Instead of getting upset about people who don't dress up just avoid those areas if the dress code is so important.

Cunard have made it possible for everyone to have somewhere they will be comfortable so why tell others that Cunard is not for them? Everyone is welcome.

Incidentally, I love dressing up but would encourage anyone to try Cunard, so long as they were aware of the restrictions.

[GUT2407]

On formal nights there are a few areas of the ship where passengers who don't want to dress up, for whatever reason, are welcome. Instead of getting upset about people who don't dress up just avoid those areas if the dress code is so important.

Cunard have made it possible for everyone to have somewhere they will be comfortable so why tell others that Cunard is not for them? Everyone is welcome.

Incidentally, I love dressing up but would encourage anyone to try Cunard, so long as they were aware of the restrictions.

 

And no one should complain if those not dressing to "code" restrict themselves to those areas, because they are complying with the code, the issue is those ho want to have free range of the ship without complying with dress requests.

[3rdGenCunarder]

And no one should complain if those not dressing to "code" restrict themselves to those areas, because they are complying with the code, the issue is those ho want to have free range of the ship without complying with dress requests.

 

Exactly! How many threads have we seen where someone says "oh no, I'm booked on Cunard and I don't see why I should have to dress up..." You know, the I don't wanna, you can't make me threads.

 

I am NOT referring to OP, who has the sense to ask questions before booking. But still, it's a good idea to warn people that Cunard's dress code is taken seriously. People might think they wouldn't mind being allowed only in Kings Court and the Winter Garden, but once they're on board and see the dressed up people walking by, they might be surprised to find that they feel uncomfortable.

Edited August 27, 2015 by 3rdGenCunarder

[gualalamama]

To the OP, try Cunard! It's a wonderful line. I worried too the first time about being dressed up enough with a calf length dress, and I like dressing up.

 

Don't let anyone here tell you not to go with Cunard.

 

On one of my crossings, one of the table mates was a young man who booked the crossing on whim over taking a flight home after travelling through Europe for months. He didn't have a suit, he was still welcome at our table on formal nights. One elderly lady at the table wasn't too happy about his dress code violation, but he was a lovely, interesting and friendly guest so the rest of us certainly welcomed him.

 

Don't worry. Book the crossing (if it's the 29th of October, I'll be onboard too) and enjoy it.

 

I certainly wouldn't let anyone's outfits spoil my enjoyment. It doesn't affect anyone and life's too short to be judgmental about these kind of things.

:)

 

SylviaB and Summergee - thank you so very much for your humanity. I must say, that I have been totally blown away by some of the responses to my question. Not certain if I just opened up some wounds, or whether all of this was directed at me. All this carrying on about manners and terrible behaviors and what a terrible world this is because someone doesn't share your joy for dressups! Whew! With all the turmoil in this world, I can't imagine getting all worked up over ties.

 

My original question was based on a desire to NOT offend anyone. I don't like getting dressed up. Does that make me a bad person? I asked about places one could go where one doesn't have to do the formal thing. I certainly never suggested that I wanted to run around in shorts and a baseball cap (2 things I wouldn't be caught dead in!) and ruin everyone's fun. I spent my career in a high powered field where I dressed up often, including numerous dinners at the White House. I know how to do it...I just don't want to anymore. Don't assume I am a slob. Mother always taught me not to judge a book by its cover. It seems like THAT attitude has changed right along with the other manners some of the people on here miss so much.

[SylviaB]

[fantasy51]

I must say, that I have been totally blown away by some of the responses to my question. Not certain if I just opened up some wounds, or whether all of this was directed at me.

 

Hi Gualalamama. After reading lots of threads on the dress code, I am 100% positive that negative comments were not directed at you. You made it very clear what you were asking and what you were prepared to do in order not to break the dress code. Don't worry.

 

Cruise Critic threads have a life of their own. Someone starts them but then they wander in a new direction that is often unrelated to the spirit of the first post. In some ways it's like a conversation in real life; that is allowed to meander. In other respects it's different. Lots of people who post are not interested in reading through every post that went before. They don't go back to the original post. They respond to just a few that they have read. Imagine a group of people where individuals come and go. The conversation is started but those who come late can only respond to what they hear, not to the start of the conversation.

 

Dress code threads always bring strong feelings in their wake.

 

Once I'm on the ship I generally only notice people who look outstanding, not those who have not risen to the occasion. (However, I admit my last cruise was slightly different, being with a newbie who questioned the dress code.)

[socratease55]

If this is just going to be transportation, and at about the same price as a business class airline ticket why not? We would not want to spoil other people's formal evening by even passing through rumpled. We would enjoy the lectures and spa and relaxed atmosphere during the day and yes we would enjoy staying in cabin for the formal nights. You could fly over in a cattle car for less, but if you are going to spend the cash anyway there is nothing wrong with getting the best class limo to cross the pond. It is YOUR cruise, if you wish to do it, and you should enjoy it YOUR way.

[rafinmd]

gualalamama, I'm a bit ambivalent about this but will take a stand here. I can take or leave the dress code but as a more or less regular Cunarder I feel obligated to follow along. I feel very differently about someone who is trying Cunard for other reasons. One thing I will be very emphatic about: I would much rather look at your smiling face in a casual blouse and DH in a knit shirt than at your empty chairs.

 

If you happen to book the October 11 or January 3 crossings I would be delighted to share a table with you.

 

Roy

[jimmybean]

Not certain if I just opened up some wounds, or whether all of this was directed at me.

 

No, of course this isn't a personal attack on you, gualalamama. I can understand, however, how it might feel that way.

 

I think there is a sense of "customs and cultures" aboard the QM2.

 

When you visit a church in South America (as a tourist) and you are told (in advance) that the people who live there and use the church as a church would be offended if a lady came wearing short-shorts, wouldn't you wear longer trousers or a skirt, because this was matter of respect?

 

Humanity IS about understanding each other and trying to get along and be accommodating, but it is also about trying to be respectful.

 

You state you have "dressed up" in the past and are capable of doing so, but you don't want to. You aren't in the same category as the young man who didn't have the apparel, but was accepted nonetheless.

 

When you agreed to "dress-up" (dinners at the White House), was this because you HAD to (rules) or because it best served your own interests (career etc)? Whatever your motivation was then, what is your reasoning for wanting to buck the cultural norm now? I am all for being as humane to one another as possible, but what is the reasoning that the vast majority of passengers should accommodate YOU, instead of you going along with both the flow and the "rules" ?

 

DH and I have been on ships that have a different culture in regards to formal nights. Royal Caribbean, in the Caribbean, last December, people wore shorts to the MDR on formal night. In April 2014, we were on a Celebrity where one of our tablemates (lovely man!) wore blue jeans to dinner. Different culture than Cunard and very acceptable. Not offensive.

 

No, the QM2 isn't the same as a Catholic Church in South American, but there is a culture onboard---one that many of us enjoy and wish to maintain. You (the single individual) are neither a problem nor a threat---but you open the flood gates to a change we do not embrace. From my perspective, that is the reason for some of the responses to your postings.

 

Okay, you "dressed up" for the President of the United States. Why not for me? Am I not an important enough part of humanity for you? I don't garner your respect because I'm just someone who expects others to obey the same rules I obey?

 

These are just my opinions and view, gualalamama. I don't mean, in any way, to not sound sympathetic. My children didn't always want to scrub-up before a visit to grandma's. But, they knew it was important to her (seeing them all clean and shiny) and they did it. I was sympathetic to them, too.

 

Many of us are in our second childhoods, enjoying the piece of retirement that we saved for and which will, at some point, turn into old-age and inability to travel… But, there are still rules and motivations that extent beyond our personal pleasures--at least in my view of humanity.

 

Fences can contribute to good neighborliness and rules can make it clear what is expected.

 

Yes, you are slink around certain areas of the ship in your dress-down-duds OR you can come to the theater, or films, etc etc etc after 6 p.m. in a bit of an attire.

 

I understand that (despite many postings advising otherwise), your choice might be to skip the formal apparel and stay only in King's Court. While I respect that your choice is your choice, I wish you would reconsider.

 

I think you would be a fascinating dinner companion. You are articulate and you have opinions (which you aren't afraid to voice). We (the general anybodies on a Cunard ships) would so much rather you joined us than miss your company because you are in King's Court.

 

Jimmybean

[Host Hattie]

What a wonderful post Jimmybean, I hope the OP comes back to read it.

[balf]

We are thinking about doing a TA cruise in October and it seems that the Queen Mary is the only ship that goes from New York (or Florida) to England. I have been reading all about dress codes, and I am concerned that we would be VERY uncomfortable on this ship. I am not a slob, but would sooner stick needles in my eyes than dress up formally! My husband gave up ties when he retired. My question is, could we survive without getting dressed up??? Someone suggested that if one doesn't want to dress up, one shouldn't cruise with Cunard. All well and fine, but no one else goes where we want to go at that time of the year. I don't want to be offensive, but surely there are some areas where folks like us can eat? No?

 

 

It does get a little heated here when the subject of dress code comes up, but to answer your questions.

 

1) yes you may feel uncomfortable on the ship and somewhat short changed as well. Then again you may be unconcerned.

 

2) yes you could certainly survive and you wouldn't go hungry for sure.

 

3) and of course there are places where you could eat and drink, though also very limited.

 

Personally I would not be happy to be excluded from so much of the ship on formals and would be uneasy sitting in the theatre as well, but if you stuck to the letter of the "code" I can't see any reason why anyone would be offended.

 

David.

[alc13]

What a wonderful post Jimmybean, I hope the OP comes back to read it.

 

I'll second that. Very nicely said, Jimmybean.

 

Gualalamama, you definitely took some knocks here - one downside of the Internet is the anonymity that makes people more outspoken that they would be face to face. On the other hand, some of your language was a bit provocative. Nevertheless, it's a fair question to know if there is a place on board QM2 for someone who chooses not to follow the dress code. I hope you got the information you need.

[GUT2407]

What a wonderful post Jimmybean, I hope the OP comes back to read it.

 

Yep sums it up perfectly.

[Capt_BJ]

A man after me own heart, happy wife happy life.

 

I even look like taking my diner suit (tux) next cruise, 'cause it'll make HER happy.

 

I live in Florida and am retired

 

I can count the number of times I've worn long pants in the last 5 years on one hand .... up to our crossing this June

 

 

Cost me almost $1000 in new clothes but I enjoyed every minute because SHE enjoyed every minute .....

 

we appreciate the kind comments

 

'twas a change from dressing like this for a cruise

 

[Cancun01]

If you want an eastbound T/A in the Fall, QM2 is your only option. Repositionings (many to/from Florida ports) are eastbound in the Spring and Wsetbound in the Fall. You can expect two "formal" nights on a 7 day crossing - all that means is a dark suit and tie for a man and a dress or pant suit for a woman. If that is too much, those evening meals can be had in the "cafeteria" or your cabin.

 

But I do have a question: what would you or your husband wear if invited to a wedding or had to attend a funeral?

 

Just off the east bound crossing this morning. There were 4 formal nights in 8 nights. Two of the formal nights were theme nights: 175 and masquerade.

[GUT2407]

we appreciate the kind comments

 

'twas a change from dressing like this for a cruise

 

 

Love it.

 

I live in Australia, and yep things are pretty relaxed here.

 

I work in a profession where a suit and tie is worn most days, (often more).

 

I love getting around in shorts and t shirt and things (flip flops to some), but consider ignoring the dress requirements rude to my hosts and fellow guests.

 

A few times a year I dine at a club where if you turn up without a tie or jacket you will be provided with one or turned away (Mark Twain once commented on said club, not in the nicest of terms I might add). Guess what if you don't want to wear them don't go.

 

I feel the same about cruises, you know what expected going in, what's the problem.

 

Most cruises I just take a suit. DW has asked can I take Dine Suit next cruise 6 formal nights, if it makes her happy, why not.

[Seago2]

Why am I picturing Hyacinthe and Richard running around the QE2 in jogging outfits looking for Daisy and Onslow?

 

Dress code threads... I think "dressed up" has different meanings for different people. I have comfortable black slacks and tops from J Jill that I can wear as sweatpants or can be dressed right up with the right shoes and jewelry. But for men- a tie is a tie and a jacket is a jacket. No creative way to get around that. But no one will care if it's the same jacket every night. No one will care if you wear the same dress or a rotation of the same skirts and tops. No one will care if you wear flats that feel like slippers to you. Conforming to the dress code does not have to be painful or expensive. My son has to wear a jacket and tie with khakis to high school and you should see how relaxed he can look in that :rolleyes:.