Like Romeo and Juliet

[whogo]

"Like Romeo and Juliet"

 

I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen the play, but Romeo and Juliet is classified as a tragedy.

[cruzeluver]

"Like Romeo and Juliet"

 

I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen the play, but Romeo and Juliet is classified as a tragedy.

 

Definitely not a model for a successful, long-term relationship! :p

[SuiteTraveler]

What is allowed depends on if this fellow is an officer or not. Regular crew are not allowed to fraternize. They really don't have the time anyway. Officers on some cruise lines can get away with more BUT no crew members or officers are ever allowed in passenger cabins without a business reason and in fact, other crew are required to report any crew member they see enter a passenger cabin without a business reason. If he is an officer, you may be allowed to visit his cabin on some ships. If he is regular crew, then you would not be allowed to do that.

 

What this means:

"Sometimes crew members when they have friends and family aboard the ship as passengers may obtain authorization to be present in passenger areas, but it is limited to the dates to which their friends and family are on board the ship."

 

This only means that crew members are allowed to be present in the passenger dining room or lounges with family and friends during their non-work hours but they are not allowed to do any PDA's - they can hug briefly, but that's about it. The public behavior will be scrutinized by other crew members and usually the crew member must remain in uniform during these visits. If this fellow were a ship's officer he might be allowed to dance with you, but that's about as far as it goes in regards to physical behavior in public. Permission for a family visit is obtained from their direct supervisor and he may be turned down. i'm not sure that you have any status for such a visit as a girlfriend especially if this fellow is only a lowly crew member and not an officer. It might be allowed if you were his fiancee, but again, no cabin visits, nor PDA's.

 

The fact this fellow seems to be acting so uncertain, tells me that he is trying to be polite to you. His contract is very clear at spelling out what is and is not allowed. You already say he works long hours - so I doubt he would have time to have dinner or lunch with you, for example. I also don't think it is wise to get yourself mixed up in his work life like this as it could result in him getting fired.

 

The truth of the matter is that most crew onboard ships say they are not married, regardless of if they are married back home or not and typically, they hook up with another crew member for the duration of their contract. Then they go home to their spouse and the person they hooked up with may switch partners or go home to their spouse.

 

My advice is that you write each other or email each other when you can and then you can go to his country and visit him when his contract is over. I recommend you visit him instead of him visiting you so that you can ascertain for certain whether or not this fellow is married. If it is a problem for you to visit him in his home country (according to him) and be around his parents and siblings, etc. ,then you will know that you are being played. If it is not a problem and you meet his family and it is clear he is single, then you will know for certain whether you can pursue this relationship.

 

The other thing I want you to consider is the lifestyle that goes with someone who has this sort of career. My dad was a Captain and was generally at sea 6 months, home 4 - 6 weeks and at sea again. So most of my parents marriage, my mom spent alone or with me and a housekeeper. Mom ran the house and when dad was home it was like he was guest in the house. Onboard the ship, dad was used to having a steward taking care of him on the ship. Dad's steward was really great - a very hard worker who had the uncanny ability to anticipate everything my dad would want or need. HOWEVER, the result of this level of service was that my dad had no idea about things that most people would consider normal such as putting his clothes away and would just drop them on the floor and expect them to be taken to laundry and returned clean and put away and also, dad would also drop food and drink and newspapers and magazines and everything else you can imagine everywhere as the steward would rush behind him to clean this up and put everything right. (Dad is 92 and still behaves this way.) Back home, mom was not so willing to chase after dad's mess, in fact she resented it. When dad came home it was on the one hand good, but on the other hand a huge disruption to our normal lifestyle. So you need to keep in mind that if you marry or have a longterm relationship with someone who has a career on the sea, that career choice determines the lifestyle of the family. You will spend the majority of your time alone at home. My mother liked the autonomy, but that may not be the lifestyle you want. Definitely think this over carefully before committing to such a relationship.

[Langley Cruisers]

...He knows how to contact you, and if he is seriously interested he will find the time and make the effort. Be kind to yourself and your savings account...

 

I <snipped> your comments but your entire post was definitely good advice all around.

 

What is allowed depends on if this fellow is an officer or not. Regular crew are not allowed to fraternize....

 

Exactly, so I am wondering how she was able to spend time with him at the "club"? It's not permitted. He was risking his job in doing so. His supervisor probably already saw him spending an inordinate amount of time with one passenger - I mean, some of this story just doesn't ring true, in my opinion. *shrug*

.

[SuiteTraveler]

Exactly, so I am wondering how she was able to spend time with him at the "club"? It's not permitted. He was risking his job in doing so. His supervisor probably already saw him spending an inordinate amount of time with one passenger - I mean, some of this story just doesn't ring true, in my opinion. *shrug*

.

 

Maybe this fellow is a bartender or he might be a junior officer who was off duty - they are allowed to dance with passengers on some ships. But I do think the OP should be extremely careful about this fellow. Oh the crazy stories I could tell...

[calliopecruiser]

Then why would I have read elsewhere online that they can?

 

Ah yes.....if you read it on the internet, it must be true!

 

I'm trying to get more details about this so that he can ask the appropriate person if he wants. We haven't discussed it yet, but I only hear from him once a week or so, and I want to be proactive. He might not be aware of this possibility.

 

Then you have to contact the specific cruise line directly to find out their rules, not consult strangers on the internet.

 

 

See my answers in green, above.

[spookwife]

bottom line: HE know HIS employers Policy. if he is not telling you what the rules are, he is NOT INTERESTED IN FOLLOWING THROUGH on this 'whirlwind romance' you seem to have picked up from a Sunday Afternoon episode on MeTv of the Love Boat.

 

 

 

he was nice and polite to you because it IS HIS JOB. he may have even 'liked' you. but in no way whatsoever is he interested in a long term commitment to you, and he's probably laughing at your gullibility at wasting money to fly to a port call.

 

hell I was married to my Sailor and I NEVER followed him around to port calls while deployed. and I had access to basically free flights on military aircraft.

 

This is basically as bad as those lonely sad women who get caught up in the 'soldier in Nigeria stuck without pay but falls in love with you online' scams.

[rose6]

The woman who initiated this post has asked for help from the cruise critic community. She should not be disrespected, or told that the man might be laughing at her. You have no information to arrive at such a suggestion. Where is your sense of compassion for another human being ? Please apologize to the lady because your comments were unkind.

[BeagleOne]

 

I'm trying to get more details about this so that he can ask the appropriate person if he wants. We haven't discussed it yet, but I only hear from him once a week or so, and I want to be proactive. He might not be aware of this possibility.

 

 

If he doesn't know the details already, he knows whom to ask on board. You don't need to find out for him. If he hasn't asked, that says something about how interested (or not) he is in pursuing the possibility.

 

I agree with SuiteTraveler.

[BeagleOne]

The woman who initiated this post has asked for help from the cruise critic community. She should not be disrespected, or told that the man might be laughing at her. You have no information to arrive at such a suggestion. Where is your sense of compassion for another human being ? Please apologize to the lady because your comments were unkind.

 

Just because you, or the OP, does not like an answer, does not mean that the answer was disrespecting her, or that the responders lack compassion.

[lenquixote66]

If it is true love you will find a way to get it to work.

[calliopecruiser]

The woman who initiated this post has asked for help from the cruise critic community. She should not be disrespected, or told that the man might be laughing at her. You have no information to arrive at such a suggestion. Where is your sense of compassion for another human being ? Please apologize to the lady because your comments were unkind.

 

Telling her that she is

 

a) unlikely to find the answer among an anonymous internet group, and

b) is in danger of falling for a common con job

 

is not disrespectful. I don't even think it's unkind....in fact, it might be very kind to warn her of such things.

Edited July 7, 2016 by calliopecruiser

[Langley Cruisers]

^ Agreed - no one was disrespectful to OP. A bit of "tough love" maybe... but no disrespect.

[Flatbush Flyer]

It would seem from the information you have shared with us, that you are far more interested in pursuing this relationship than the young man is currently. He knows how to contact you, and if he is seriously interested he will find the time and make the effort. Be kind to yourself and your savings account. You might not be happy in six months time if you find that your affection has not been returned and you have spent your savings. I hope that one day, you will find a compatible partner, preferably one who likes to cruise with you.

 

 

Finally- the voice of reason. Of course, it will be "in one ear and out the other" for OP.

[SeaButterfly]

If you plan to get off the ship in St. Petersburg, you will need a visa. Usually people book either private tours or ship tours and the visa process is included in that. But you should know that you can't just get off the ship and look around without a visa. You might want to look into that.

 

From what I've read doing research on a simple visa, if you're on a cruise that stops there, you get a 72 hour visa and the ship takes care of that. That is a reason I'd actually prefer to go on the cruise to go there, rather than deal with the process myself.

[SeaButterfly]

bottom line: HE know HIS employers Policy. if he is not telling you what the rules are, he is NOT INTERESTED IN FOLLOWING THROUGH on this 'whirlwind romance' you seem to have picked up from a Sunday Afternoon episode on MeTv of the Love Boat.

 

 

 

he was nice and polite to you because it IS HIS JOB. he may have even 'liked' you. but in no way whatsoever is he interested in a long term commitment to you, and he's probably laughing at your gullibility at wasting money to fly to a port call.

 

hell I was married to my Sailor and I NEVER followed him around to port calls while deployed. and I had access to basically free flights on military aircraft.

 

This is basically as bad as those lonely sad women who get caught up in the 'soldier in Nigeria stuck without pay but falls in love with you online' scams.

 

 

Speaking as someone who knows nothing of our relationship or the guy in question.... He got off the boat to see me on a day when he wasn't supposed to leave it, and he sacrificed hours of sleep to come find me at 2am again when he had to be back on the boat and to work by 7:30am. He calls me when he can, and he was the one asking if he could see me again, back when I disembarked. He's the one repeating that he thinks the situation is romantic. But of course there can't be a real commitment. He's not even sure what he's doing when his contract ends. They leave him time for nothing, not even thinking. lol. The only thing preventing us from "dating", is his job (and the reason we met, ironically), which is important to him.

 

Anyway, something I've learned about most men is that many times, you have to plant an idea in their head. They're slower to connect the dots. Maybe I'm just more of a problem-solver. Even when it's something they do completely on their own to surprise you, like proposing marriage, they manage to get you lost in the desert because they didn't really think it through and scout the location in advance. They leave things to chance. So I'm not surprised. I would love it if they would be more inventive and resourceful, but... in my experience, you have to give them the idea first, and see what they do with it.

[SeaButterfly]

Eventually his contract will be up and he will have a few months off. You could make plans to meet during that time and spend an uninterrupted period of quality time together. In the meantime you could make do with e-mail and get to know him better that way.

 

Yes, we talked about what he's doing after his contract is up, but he still isn't sure. So when he figures that out, and where he will be living, then we'll see... he doesn't use email much (I don't think he's much of a writer) but I'm hoping we can keep up the biweekly (funny that this word can mean "every two weeks", which is my use, or "twice a week") phone conversations. He calls at random times, whenever he has the opportunity, and if I miss it, I miss it... same with texts. So conversation goes very slow!

[SeaButterfly]

There is a book out about a man who became a waiter on Carnival just to be with his girlfriend. But then you are both working so much there is little time to socialise....

 

I hope it had a happy ending! lol. I thought about that, but I really don't think I could last in that kind of life. :-P

[SeaButterfly]

"Like Romeo and Juliet"

 

I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen the play, but Romeo and Juliet is classified as a tragedy.

 

lol. Well, I'm hoping we don't have the same ending. Fortunately, these days Friar Lawrence could probably send an email to Romeo, or give him a phone call, or a text.... rather than send a letter on a horse.

[SeaButterfly]

What is allowed depends on if this fellow is an officer or not. Regular crew are not allowed to fraternize. They really don't have the time anyway. Officers on some cruise lines can get away with more BUT no crew members or officers are ever allowed in passenger cabins without a business reason and in fact, other crew are required to report any crew member they see enter a passenger cabin without a business reason. If he is an officer, you may be allowed to visit his cabin on some ships. If he is regular crew, then you would not be allowed to do that.

 

What this means:

"Sometimes crew members when they have friends and family aboard the ship as passengers may obtain authorization to be present in passenger areas, but it is limited to the dates to which their friends and family are on board the ship."

 

This only means that crew members are allowed to be present in the passenger dining room or lounges with family and friends during their non-work hours but they are not allowed to do any PDA's - they can hug briefly, but that's about it. The public behavior will be scrutinized by other crew members and usually the crew member must remain in uniform during these visits. If this fellow were a ship's officer he might be allowed to dance with you, but that's about as far as it goes in regards to physical behavior in public. Permission for a family visit is obtained from their direct supervisor and he may be turned down. i'm not sure that you have any status for such a visit as a girlfriend especially if this fellow is only a lowly crew member and not an officer. It might be allowed if you were his fiancee, but again, no cabin visits, nor PDA's.

 

The fact this fellow seems to be acting so uncertain, tells me that he is trying to be polite to you. His contract is very clear at spelling out what is and is not allowed. You already say he works long hours - so I doubt he would have time to have dinner or lunch with you, for example. I also don't think it is wise to get yourself mixed up in his work life like this as it could result in him getting fired.

 

The truth of the matter is that most crew onboard ships say they are not married, regardless of if they are married back home or not and typically, they hook up with another crew member for the duration of their contract. Then they go home to their spouse and the person they hooked up with may switch partners or go home to their spouse.

 

My advice is that you write each other or email each other when you can and then you can go to his country and visit him when his contract is over. I recommend you visit him instead of him visiting you so that you can ascertain for certain whether or not this fellow is married. If it is a problem for you to visit him in his home country (according to him) and be around his parents and siblings, etc. ,then you will know that you are being played. If it is not a problem and you meet his family and it is clear he is single, then you will know for certain whether you can pursue this relationship.

 

The other thing I want you to consider is the lifestyle that goes with someone who has this sort of career. My dad was a Captain and was generally at sea 6 months, home 4 - 6 weeks and at sea again. So most of my parents marriage, my mom spent alone or with me and a housekeeper. Mom ran the house and when dad was home it was like he was guest in the house. Onboard the ship, dad was used to having a steward taking care of him on the ship. Dad's steward was really great - a very hard worker who had the uncanny ability to anticipate everything my dad would want or need. HOWEVER, the result of this level of service was that my dad had no idea about things that most people would consider normal such as putting his clothes away and would just drop them on the floor and expect them to be taken to laundry and returned clean and put away and also, dad would also drop food and drink and newspapers and magazines and everything else you can imagine everywhere as the steward would rush behind him to clean this up and put everything right. (Dad is 92 and still behaves this way.) Back home, mom was not so willing to chase after dad's mess, in fact she resented it. When dad came home it was on the one hand good, but on the other hand a huge disruption to our normal lifestyle. So you need to keep in mind that if you marry or have a longterm relationship with someone who has a career on the sea, that career choice determines the lifestyle of the family. You will spend the majority of your time alone at home. My mother liked the autonomy, but that may not be the lifestyle you want. Definitely think this over carefully before committing to such a relationship.

 

Ha... I want a steward. Fortunately, I don't think this is his career path, just a temporary job. But unfortunately, he's not a captain, he's an entertainer. I'm fairly certain he's not married... he's young (though I know people can get married young!) and I don't see any evidence of a wife on his Facebook page. His mother is very present though. lol.

 

Thanks for the info, too. I'm really surprised he didn't get in trouble while I was on the ship. His friends knew about us, one of his bosses walked right by while we were on the dance floor, other crew/entertainers saw us together in the street, and he actually waved at a security camera after giving me a peck on the cheek once. He seems to go back and forth between taking it seriously, and taking risks. I basically left it up to him, figuring he could judge the risk better than I could.

 

Anyway it's something to think about... it's a tough situation. Though in some forums I'm reading of people who started relationships like this and ended up married, so it's not impossible.

[SeaButterfly]

I <snipped> your comments but your entire post was definitely good advice all around.

 

 

 

Exactly, so I am wondering how she was able to spend time with him at the "club"? It's not permitted. He was risking his job in doing so. His supervisor probably already saw him spending an inordinate amount of time with one passenger - I mean, some of this story just doesn't ring true, in my opinion. *shrug*

.

 

It was kind of part of his job, to get people on the dance floor. But I'm sure he was bending the rules... he's a fairly new employee so maybe hasn't had any warnings yet.

[SeaButterfly]

See my answers in green, above.

 

I was hesitant to reach out to the cruise line, but I did send them a message via their website, simply asking if I wanted to take a cruise on a ship where a friend was working, could he get permission to visit with me. No reply yet.

[cruisemom42]

From what I've read doing research on a simple visa, if you're on a cruise that stops there, you get a 72 hour visa and the ship takes care of that. That is a reason I'd actually prefer to go on the cruise to go there, rather than deal with the process myself.

 

This is not correct. In St. Petersburg you are only covered by the ship while you are on a ship tour. You cannot get off the ship and wander by yourself, not even in the immediate port area.

 

There are private companies that will sell you a tour and can cover you under their visa. Same restrictions apply (e.g., you are only allowed to go on their tour, not on your own).

 

These, or obtaining your own visa, are your only choices.

[BlueRiband]

I think this is what our cousins on the other side of the pond call a "wind up".

 

In post #6 the OP shadowed him in the places where he works then said they had 8 hours together. That would be her in crew areas or him in passenger areas? It's surprising he's not already fired.

 

In post #14 she said he barely has time to sleep. Then in post #41 she said he went off the ship - when he wasn't supposed to - just to see her ashore. Another thing that would get him fired. In post #46 she says that he is an entertainer. Entertainers don't work when passengers are sleeping and what entertainer starts work in the early morning?

 

If his job is important to him he's running a great risk of losing it. When that happens they both will have plenty of time together. And it sounds like she don't have a regular job if she has the time to sail to wherever he will be next.

 

The OP has come back answers to put any contrary replies on the defensive. We are being played like a violin. Her whole story is made up and she has zero posting history before starting this thread.

Edited July 7, 2016 by BlueRiband

[navybankerteacher]

I think this is what our cousins on the other side of the pond call a "wind up".

 

In post #6 the OP shadowed him in the places where he works then said they had 8 hours together. That would be her in crew areas or him in passenger areas? It's surprising he's not already fired.

 

In post #14 she said he barely has time to sleep. Then in post #41 she said he went off the ship - when he wasn't supposed to - just to see her ashore. Another thing that would get him fired. In post #46 she says that he is an entertainer. Entertainers don't work when passengers are sleeping and what entertainer starts work in the early morning?

 

If his job is important to him he's running a great risk of losing it. When that happens they both will have plenty of time together. And it sounds like she don't have a regular job if she has the time to sail to wherever he will be next.

 

The OP has come back answers to put any contrary replies on the defensive. We are being played like a violin. Her whole story is made up and she has zero posting history before starting this thread.

 

I think you have nailed it. Call me unromantic, but I have a hard time believing anyone could be that stupid.