First cruise without my mother...

[CarnivalCruiser875]

This will be the first cruise our family takes since the sudden passing of my mother this year. She was an avid cruiser and we are heartbroken she will not be with us. As I am an only (adult) child, I am taking my father on a 7 day in December. Since we always travelled with her, and this will be the first holiday season without her (my father and her were married 40 years), I want to try and make this vacation an enjoyable one. I've already booked a couple fun shore excursions. Any other suggestions/ideas to make this a less-painful and a more memorable holiday season? 

[nwcruiselover]

How about dinner at the Steakhouse with your dad, and have a toast to your mom?  My condolences to you and your family.

Edited November 26, 2022 by nwcruiselover

[TrinaLC]

Maybe bring a photo of your mom in a frame for the room?  Or do you still have something of hers like a pillow or lap blanket that she liked you can bring to remind you of her?  
 

Meet with your Dad for 15 planned minutes or so in the “chapel’ and say things that remind you of her and cruising?

[CarnivalCruiser875]

Thank you both for the suggestions - I really love the chapel idea, hadn't even thought about that.

[jerseygirlinAZ]

Not sure if you're into hiding ducks, but I've seen people do tags in memory of loved ones, especially those who loved cruising.  So sorry for your loss.

[MsOne]

These are beautiful suggestions. I also am sending my condolences and praying for you and your family. Nothing in particular comes to mind to suggest to do, but overall I'd say spend time together and maybe stay busy if it's still hard for your dad. At the same time, I also suggest that if he just wants to sit and look at the water, allow him space to do that too. 

Do you have any fun or funny videos of your mom that you could pull out during downtime that you two can enjoy together?

[keels81]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. As your mom was an avid cruiser, I'm SURE she had some traditions or must-do's ... maybe narrow it down to the top 7 and put them in envelopes. Each day over coffee or breakfast (or a mimosa!), however she would start her day -- y'all open one envelope at random and make her favorite tradition a NEW tradition for the two of you?

[vwrestler171]

4 hours ago, CarnivalCruiser875 said:

Thank you both for the suggestions - I really love the chapel idea, hadn't even thought about that.

Just a heads up, but there hasn't been a chapel on Carnival ships for a few years.  Spirit class was the last to have them and they have been converted to arcades.

[lyannea]

Know that there may be times that are difficult for you or your dad during the cruise.

Unexpectedly, it was taking that first step on the cruise ship that brought me to tears, for example.

 

Talk about it ahead of time and maybe find a signal, such as squeezing your dad’s hand or the like, to acknowledge how much you both miss your Mom during those times.

[skrufy]

There areno more chapels, but there's library's on each ship. They are quiet. Take the photo idea one step further. A nice 8x10 of the three of you with a cruise themed  surrounding. Kids love to find the small rubber ducks. Take some with  your moms name and address with a small note on it.  So sorry for your loss, your mom will always be cruising  with both of you.

[Drazil65]

Know that there may be times that are difficult for you or your dad during the cruise.

Unexpectedly, it was taking that first step on the cruise ship that brought me to tears, for example.

 

This...my thoughts exactly, our family has been through this very thing and the first time we did it was much harder than anyone knew.  For us it was my FIL (they were married 50 years) and we all thought it would be a warm/and fuzzy good memories feeling for MIL (and kids,, grandchildren) and bring many smiles.  You just want to fix it and do what you can to make the surviving parent happy again.  

 

I am going to be honest, it was too much for MIL and we all felt horrible for bringing her back there so soon.  This was more than a year after FIL passed and she spent a lot of time in her cabin crying (even when we tried to plan fun things) she just didn't feel it at that point.  We now know that she was just trying to make us happy at the time by agreeing to go to begin with. 

 

It was a couple more years after that before we tried again and she was much better with handling the flood of memories and actually enjoyed most of the trip.  Just be prepared for the sudden tears and maybe him wanting some time alone for a bit.  The cruise and the holidays together will be a lot for both of you being the first of both but I get that you want to get away.  Good Luck and hopefully the cruise will be the start of new happy memories for you and your dad.  

[cyntil8ing]

I am so sorry for your loss. Like @Drazil65above, I too have been through this. My mom passed in July 2017 and we cruised for Christmas that December. My parents were married 53 years.

 

My dad was seeing a grief counselor, so the holidays and the cruise were topics of discussion for weeks. For the cruise, he brought along a photo and the stuffed bear he bought for Mom when she was in the hospital. My dad was always a pretty emotional guy, both good and bad, so we could usually read him pretty easily. We completely followed his lead. We never tried to pull him along into activities, or push him to do anything if he was resistant. At the same time, we didn't leave a lot of down time for him. He shared a cabin with my son, so he was never really alone. There were ups and downs, but overall I'd say it was successful.

 

My advice is to keep expectations as low as possible and be very patient. Good luck!

[pe4all]

From personal experience:  While not my mom - my brother-in-law and his family were supposed to cruise with us when his 40 year old wife of 10 years suddenly passed away 3 weeks before the cruise, leaving him with a 4 and 5 year old.  He decided to come anyway, 1. because he would be with us for a week and we could help support him, and 2.  we could help with the kids, as they would be with their favorite first cousins and aunt and uncle.  While it was very hard at times, we all worked to make the experience as happy as possible for all.  We laughed, we cried, we laughed, we cried some more. That was 15 years ago, and they still talk about the "new" memories made on that cruise.

[KKB]

On 11/26/2022 at 3:47 PM, CarnivalCruiser875 said:

This will be the first cruise our family takes since the sudden passing of my mother this year. She was an avid cruiser and we are heartbroken she will not be with us. As I am an only (adult) child, I am taking my father on a 7 day in December. Since we always travelled with her, and this will be the first holiday season without her (my father and her were married 40 years), I want to try and make this vacation an enjoyable one. I've already booked a couple fun shore excursions. Any other suggestions/ideas to make this a less-painful and a more memorable holiday season? 

Oh, boy, I can relate. 

DM was diagnosed w/ cancer Feb. 2021. Luckily she felt good enough to cruise in August--it was magical.

We cruised again on the same class of ship in March after she passed this Feb. It was melancholic. 

Expect tears--often. Plan for some quiet reflective time. 

But bring the happy stories. 

"Include: her--"Mom would have loved this"--and have a story ready to make you laugh.

Bring something along to remind you both of her.

If there are any traditions she did that can be worked onboard, DO IT. My mother bought certain silly gifts for everyone, we played certain games--if those make sense to do, they will be a sweet reminder.

As we head into the holidays, I'm truly not sure what to expect. 

Tears for sure, but the happy stories are coming more easily these days too.

Happy cruising.