My Sincerest Apologies

[1corona4u]

[quote name='stlrod']I am sorry for the loss of your pet. And while I will probably be flamed for this, as a parent, I do find it offensive when childless people refer to their pets as their children. I recently witnessed a person telling another person about the loss of her "baby" (an animal.) Little did the person know that the person to whom she was speaking had 9 months earlier lost his "baby," a beautiful 22 year-old woman who had just graduated from college and become engaged. I am an animal lover. It's just one of my pet peeves (I guess like a pet peeve that some people have regarding children on cruise ships.)[/QUOTE]

The difference between your "pet peeve" and people having issues with children on cruises is, that the children have an affect on OTHER people, by bad behavior, etc. (not that all do, but some do) whereas the way someone feels, and talks about their pets, has no negative impact on another person. It may make you think it's offensive, but only if you let it. You have control of your thoughts, while people do not have control of other's children.

And let me just add, I don't think it's that people take their kids on cruises, that bothers people, I think it's the way they are behaving, or the fact that they run free, without parental supervision, because the parents want to have time alone. At least that's what I have read here.......

[Catnip]

stlrod,
While I will not flame you (everyone is entitled to their own opinions), I can assure you that many people can and do love their animal "children" just as much as parents love their human children. If you have had a cherished pet for 15-20 years, they are as much a part of the family as human kids.
My husband and I are child-free (by choice) and I can assure you that I love my 4 kitties as much as you or anyone else loves their human kids.
Not all people feel like that, but rest assured that there are plenty that do.

:)

[colette5479]

[quote name='stlrod']I am sorry for the loss of your pet. And while I will probably be flamed for this, as a parent, I do find it offensive when childless people refer to their pets as their children. I recently witnessed a person telling another person about the loss of her "baby" (an animal.) Little did the person know that the person to whom she was speaking had 9 months earlier lost his "baby," a beautiful 22 year-old woman who had just graduated from college and become engaged. I am an animal lover. It's just one of my pet peeves (I guess like a pet peeve that some people have regarding children on cruise ships.)[/QUOTE]

And this post made me realize just how much this precious cat meant to Folgy and his beloved. Did you not read his original post that stated that they were unable to have children? Do you realize this may be a deep personal pain he and his DH feel everyday? He has EVERY right to feel that Tommy was his child. I am happy that Tommy gave them so much joy in their lives and I am saddened that they lost their "child"

My pet peeve are people who refuse to step into the shoes of another to see things from a different view....

[colette5479]

Folgy,
I am so sorry about Tommy. It sounds as if he gave you and your DH many years of love and affection. Even though we have 2 children, we also have many animal "babies", a red lab, a blue heeler, a chihuahua, a cat, several fish, and a Quaker Parrot. I love them all dearly.
I hope you will be able to give another cat a great home in time:)

I would also like to say how proud I am of everyone on here. We have a great support system here:)

[stlrod]

[quote name='colette5479']And this post made me realize just how much this precious cat meant to Folgy and his beloved. Did you not read his original post that stated that they were unable to have children? Do you realize this may be a deep personal pain he and his DH feel everyday? He has EVERY right to feel that Tommy was his child. I am happy that Tommy gave them so much joy in their lives and I am saddened that they lost their "child"

My pet peeve are people who refuse to step into the shoes of another to see things from a different view....[/QUOTE]

Collette,

I did read that part of his post. I also read this post from a month ago before posting on the subject.

[url]http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?p=3037392#post3037392[/url]

[goodml]

Folks, I do not intend to step on anyone's toes here at all but let's please refocus and get back to sending Folgy our best wishes. It won't help him find any peace at all if we start bickering. :)

[Folgy]

I am sorry for the loss of your pet. And while I will probably be flamed for this, as a parent, I do find it offensive when childless people refer to their pets as their children. I recently witnessed a person telling another person about the loss of her "baby" (an animal.) Little did the person know that the person to whom she was speaking had 9 months earlier lost his "baby," a beautiful 22 year-old woman who had just graduated from college and become engaged. I am an animal lover. It's just one of my pet peeves (I guess like a pet peeve that some people have regarding children on cruise ships.)

 

This is why I apologised. All our losses are very signifcant to each and everyone of us.

I would never diminish the importance of seperation/loss of child or animal that is very dear to your heart.

 

I am hurting deeply right now. Tommy has been a constant companion.

I feel for anyone that looses a loved one.

 

I really believe if a little child on a cruise ship even smiled and said hello to me now , I would not be the same Grinch . I would smile and say hello back

My heart still has room to grow.

 

God Bless

 

Folgy

[KamloopsCruisers]

I am sorry for the loss of your pet. And while I will probably be flamed for this, as a parent, I do find it offensive when childless people refer to their pets as their children. I recently witnessed a person telling another person about the loss of her "baby" (an animal.) Little did the person know that the person to whom she was speaking had 9 months earlier lost his "baby," a beautiful 22 year-old woman who had just graduated from college and become engaged. I am an animal lover. It's just one of my pet peeves (I guess like a pet peeve that some people have regarding children on cruise ships.)

 

As a parent who has lost a child, and had another suffer a traumatic brain injury, which has in fact, made her so very different than who she was before that I too grieve for the loss of my "former" daughter, I do not take exception when a I hear childless people refer to their pets as their children. Each loss in our lives is different and these losses affect us in varying degrees and impacts. In my case, the death of my son and the losses of my daughter hurt like hell. I have also lost my parents, recently my twin sister at the young age of 46 and just a few months ago, my precious dog, Elvis. The tears I shed for my dog do not diminish the fact that I am missing these other people in my life. Pets play valuable roles in our lives and always give us unconditional love (while many adults are selective in this area). My daughter had to learn to walk, talk, read, feed herself, etc. when she was 11 years old. She worked hard at trying to rebuild her life, living in hospitals for almost a year, while at the same time, grieving the loss of her big brother and best friend. She will tell ANYONE that the one thing that kept her going was the constant love and compansionship she received from her pets, especially her dog. Pets always listen to your complaints, sit while you cry yourself to sleep - burying your face in their fur, and greet you with a wag of a tail or a purr.

 

I have learned from Compassionate Friends (a support group for bereaved parents) that one should NEVER make comparisons about the "severity" of someone's grief. There are parents out there who lose a child, but they have been estranged for several years. Is their loss less, greater or the same as mine? I cannot be the judge of that. I can only relate that while I miss my Dad, he lived a full life, died at a relatively old age, and he was not part of my day-to-day life. So, I do not miss Dad daily as I do not (and did not while he was alive) think about him every day. My children and pets however were with me every day and to me, their losses are most significant to me.

 

Please do not make comparisons about pets versus people. Just be kind and offer condolences for a fellow human being who is hurting right now. I am so very thankful that I was blessed to have two extraordinary, bright, beautiful children. Others did not receive a blessing as wonderful as mine.

 

I am reminded of a quote from (?) "God told his angels never to make themselves known while on earth, but he didn't say they couldn't show their whiskars." :)

[mariapd719]

Folgy - Im very sorry for Tommy...but dont apologize to anyone...you didnt do anything wrong. Theres nothing wrong with not wanting or being able to have kids. Its our choice.

 

Some poster needs to crawl back under the rock they were hiding under . Ever here of time and place? I Dont think Folgy would of posted something crappy if someone asked for prayers for a sick child or something

[Desertbelle]

Folgy, I am very sorry for your lost. We have had many pets over the years and some where more special than others and when they died it was extremely painful for us. Remember, every day it will become a little easier.

 

I have been blessed to have 4 healthy children and 3 healthly grandchildren.....and yep, we take them on vacations with us. :)

 

On our last cruise in November, our grandson Tommy was the hit of the cruise. It seemed the whole ship loved him. On the last day of the cruise Grandpa was keeping him busy while his parents were packing up their luggage. In the hallway was one of those cages that the stewards use to cart the luggage around on the ship. Tommy crawled into one to investigate and I snapped his picture. It's so funny because he looks so sad, and yet he was having a blast!! When I saw the picture I told my husband I would post it on CC and tell people this is how we keep our kids in line while cruising!! :D I hope this gives you a smile Folgy!

 

[abridalmaven]

Folgy the love an animal gives is in some ways better than our own children, because it is unconditional. I have 2 sons one who lives near and is a real dear and so is his wife and my new grandson. The other turned away from us when he married an older woman. She does not let us see our grandchildren ( who for the first few years we saw frequently) and my son, while he says he loves us, still will not call us or anything because of how his wife feels about us. Now I wondered if I did something wrong, but his first wife who I hear from on rare occasions said, she though we were perfect in laws ( I try to stay out of the way). My other son's wife agrees. So in a sense I have lost my son and grandchildren and that is almost as bad as a death because it was by choice. The Dogs were sent to us when he remarried because she thought anyone who kept a dog inside a house lived in a kennel. The dogs HATED her. HMM they must have had good taste.:rolleyes:

But to make a long story short the dogs he gave us were a blessing and got me thru the saddest days when I missed my son and the children. Whenever I would cry, Misty would try to wash away my tears. She would just come and snuggle under my arm when I felt that way, so I derived so much comfort from her, I can not even begin to tell you. So her loss was heart wrenching to me, she was my constant companion. She would be entwined with my feet when I was sitting at the computer, and when she was young and could jump, always next to me or on my lap wherever I sat, even in the car.

 

In any case do not feel you have anything to aplaogize for, I hate children when the are allowed to run amok, and I am not talking about everyday fooling around. And I know my furbabies were a gift from God .

 

And a side note , when my sister was diagnosed with cancer many years ago, a stray dog followed her home and had puppies, thus taking her mind off of her treatments...so I do think God sends them to us when we need them the most.

Most of the people here are great and supportive. When my nephew died last year and I had to stay home and wait until my Mom was awake ( an old lady can not be called to tell her about the death of her Grandson), I had people here who were also so kind to me. But there was one fool who did not read that I said I was killing time ( and of course not being able to sleep) and thought my friends here could get me thru it.. and she blasted me. There are some negative nincompoops :eek: ( as my grandmother would say) out there, so do not let them get to you. Know we all share in your sorrow.

[Sparkle 123]

I have been reading this thread with great interest. We are a couple who have no kids by choice and have made a baby of our cat Cleo.

 

Folgy, I send you and your wife our sincere condolences on the loss of Tommy, we lost a cat to kidney failure 5 years ago and it was a complete shock how quickly she went downhill. We found the best way to deal with it was to get another cat from the rescue shelter and that is how we came by Cleo. She has been such a comfort to us and has brought us so much joy. I do dread the day when anything happens to her but at least we know we have given her a good life and our lives are so much better for knowing her as I'm sure yours are by knowing Tommy.

 

As for the subject of kids, it is nice to know there are others who share my view that having kids is not compulsory! Sometimes I have been made to feel like I am not normal for not wanting any kids of my own and to be honest I have even felt that myself and I'm sure if I did have kids I would love them as much as anyone but I do not feel that our lives are incomplete without them, quite the opposite in fact, we occaisionally have our 10 year old neice to stay, we love to see her but we are always ready to hand her back to her mom after a few days!

Please don't feel you need to apologise; everyone is entitled to their opinions.

 

Kindest thoughts

Lisa

[Catnip]

abbafan,

Well said, Lisa!!!! ;)

[familycruzer]

As a parent who cruises with her children I do feel as though there are some members here who lump all kids together as beasts that should never step foot on a cruise ship.

 

I am one of those over protective parents who knows where their kids are every minute we are on a ship and have taught them manners and rules. I have seen the horrible kids who have been left on their own because the parents set them free and they ruin it for the rest of us.

 

Some of the statements Folgy ( and others) have made in the past are hurtful. Just as hurtful as it would be for me to say how stupid and annoying cats are because I am not a cat person. I did not do that though, I posted that I am sorry for his loss and feel for him. I do believe that our pets do become children to us after we love and care for them so many years.

 

Life is short, enjoy!

[nc_roberta]

Folgy & Mrs. Folgy, My sincerest condolences on the loss of your Tommy. We, too, have no children and my husband and I are nuts about cats. (On our recent stop in Key West, we spent about an hour at the Hemingway House to see the 6 toed cats and never even toured the house!). We have a Tommy, too. He will be five years old this week....we got him and his friend Sammy after losing our beloved cat of 17 years when we thought our heartbreak would never go away. I can remember feeling like it was somehow wrong to immediately get more kitties, but like Lisa said, the best healing for us was to have other kitties to love right away. We still miss our dear Snoopy but these two have brought us so much joy! Best to you both in getting through this difficult time.

[xpcdoojk]

Folgy

 

So sorry about your cat. :(

 

However, you don't really have anything to apologize for, just brush up on your diplomacy you will be good to go.

 

Having lost several pets over the years, as I have had dogs all of my life, a couple of ferrets, a cat, a couple of bunny rabbits, pet turtles, I can honestly say you need to get back on the horse, and adopt another pet. If you switch to dogs you will find you are so busy taking care of them that you won't have time to dwell on the loss of your beloved cat. I am a dog person, but cats are much easier to live with (generally). Nothing will upset your household like a 12 week old puppy!

 

jc

[island lady]

Folgy & Mrs. Folgy, My sincerest condolences on the loss of your Tommy. We, too, have no children and my husband and I are nuts about cats. (On our recent stop in Key West, we spent about an hour at the Hemingway House to see the 6 toed cats and never even toured the house!). We have a Tommy, too. He will be five years old this week....we got him and his friend Sammy after losing our beloved cat of 17 years when we thought our heartbreak would never go away. I can remember feeling like it was somehow wrong to immediately get more kitties, but like Lisa said, the best healing for us was to have other kitties to love right away. We still miss our dear Snoopy but these two have brought us so much joy! Best to you both in getting through this difficult time.

 

I love those "Hemingway" cats with the extra toes. My beloved Mitzi, who died of kidney failure last years at the age of 20, was a "Hemingway" cat. I know there is another more formal name for that, but can't remember it right now. My sweet girl had 8 toes on each front foot, hense her name Mitzi. She looked like she was wearing baseball mits!

I also agree that the heart heals so much faster if you adopt another kitten or cat right away. There are so many out there looking for loving homes, that you both benefit.

[Lauri32]

And a side note , when my sister was diagnosed with cancer many years ago, a stray dog followed her home and had puppies, thus taking her mind off of her treatments...so I do think God sends them to us when we need them the most.

 

My mom had a similar experience after her husband died. He was very young, had just turned 50, and had a heart attack one morning. To my young daughters (3yrs at the time)he was like a father to them (this was before I met my hubby). They were the ones to find him that morning. About a week later, my mom & my girls went for a short walk and a beautiful fluffy gray cat followed them home and took up residence. My mom & neighbors put up flyers looking for the owners, but never had one call. I truly believe he was sent to watch over our family. That was 11 years ago this month and he still adores my mom & girls.

[zachnlucy]

Folgy, I've just read this thread with tears running down my face. You have my sympathy. Your posts have never bothered me, heck, I usually agree with you. I have 5 kids (age 8, 8, 10, 17, and 20), 5 dogs and 2 cats. My two dachshunds, Zach and Lucy, are elderly and I often worry about not having them around. Now with my kids, on the other hand, I count the days till college. ;) One down, one going this year, three to go! Yay!

[Folgy]

Yesterday just before suppertime it was sunny and warm enough here in Kamloops to sit on the balcony. I just looked out over the valley .I was in quiet thought reflecting back.I looked down below the balcony to ravine below and there was a Doe (mule deer) laying peacefully in the sage. She just looked up at me with those big dark eyes. We stared at each other for a half hour until she moved on.

What a blessing that was. It gave me so much peace to see that lovely creature.

[gerif]

My mom had a similar experience after her husband died. He was very young, had just turned 50, and had a heart attack one morning. To my young daughters (3yrs at the time)he was like a father to them (this was before I met my hubby). They were the ones to find him that morning. About a week later, my mom & my girls went for a short walk and a beautiful fluffy gray cat followed them home and took up residence. My mom & neighbors put up flyers looking for the owners, but never had one call. I truly believe he was sent to watch over our family. That was 11 years ago this month and he still adores my mom & girls.

 

My late grandmother always believed that if an animal came to your door, you must take it in as it is the spirit of a lost loved one come to watch over you.

 

Folgy, I, too, offer you my deepest sympathies on the loss of your Tommy. I breed cats as a hobby and often have grieving people call seeking a new baby to ease the loss of a beloved pet. Once, I drove an hour to actually deliver a kitten to a lady who was grieving hysterically over the loss of her cat - she didn't drive at night and couldn't face spending a night alone without a kitty to love. I usually advise that they get something different (different color, sex, etc.) than the kitty they lost so as not to make constant comparisons, although one lady tracked me down through my website when she found that my line originated with the father of her recently departed 19 year old. When she found that I had a kitten of the same sex and color that could trace his lineage back to this same cat, she just couldn't compose herself.

 

So, Folgy, when you have recovered a bit, perhaps your local shelter will have a baby available who needs love and a warm home? Tommy would not want you to be without a furry companion.

[Rala]

Hi Folgy,

 

Just checking in to see how you are doing. From my experience, the first few days are the hardest. It is important to be busy and get out and see people. I hope you and Mrs. Folgy are starting to heal. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Laura

[knothead]

I'm so sorry!! It was very odd that I happen to pull up this post first this am. I'm going through a really tough time right now. Our beloved cat of 25 years ( yes 25 years) is having trouble. We took her to the vet on saturday and thought it might be kidney failure, but blood work came back normal. So we think it might be an infected tooth( One of only two she has. ) She has lost her hearing but other than those few things she is a darling. It pains to think that time is coming soon to say goodbye but I will walk that path then. We also have no children and our pets became our children. We had to put our little girl Sadee to sleep a year and 3 months ago and I'm no where near over that. My & my Dh's heart hurts everyday for our loss. We have decided that we will not have anymore pets due to the heart ache of losing them.

 

Sorry so long but I just wanted you to truly know someone understands your hurt, Here to healing in some form or fashion. God Bless. You are in my prayers.

[xpcdoojk]

Wow 25 years, that is pretty amazing!

 

jc

[mafig]

Folgy, please accept my sympathies also.

 

It took me years to get over my last pet. I'm better now and we laugh when we remember the funny things he did. However, if someone brings him up and I'm not expecting it, I sometimes feel the tears starting. I think they think I'm nuts.

 

 

Different stages of my life are marked by the pets who shared them with me.

 

 

I understand.