Observations about Britain by an American

[Bob++]

I came across this in the paper today and thought I would share.

 

 

Scott Waters

24 September at 21:25 · Edited ·

 

I was in England again a few weeks ago, mostly in small towns, but here's some of what I learned:

* Almost everyone is very polite

* The food is generally outstanding

* There are no guns

* There are too many narrow stairs

* Everything is just a little bit different

* The pubs close too early

* The reason they drive on the left is because all their cars are built backwards

* Pubs are not bars, they are community living rooms.

* You'd better like peas, potatoes and sausage

* Refrigerators and washing machines are very small

* Everything is generally older, smaller and shorter

* People don't seem to be afraid of their neighbors or the government

* Their paper money makes sense, the coins don't

* Everyone has a washing machine but driers are rare

* Hot and cold water faucets. Remember them?

* Pants are called "trousers", underwear are "pants" and sweaters are "jumpers"

* The bathroom light is a string hanging from the ceiling

* "Fanny" is a naughty word, as is "shag"

* All the signs are well designed with beautiful typography and written in full sentences with proper grammar.

* There's no dress code

* Doors close by themselves, but they don't always open

* They eat with their forks upside down

* The English are as crazy about their gardens as Americans are about cars

* They don't seem to use facecloths or napkins or maybe they’re just neater then we are

* The wall outlets all have switches, some don't do anything

* There are hardly any cops or police cars

* 5,000 year ago, someone arranged a lot of rocks all over, but no one is sure why

* When you do see police they seem to be in male & female pairs and often smiling

* Black people are just people: they didn't quite do slavery at home

* Everything comes with chips, which are French fries. You put vinegar on them

* Cookies are "biscuits" and potato chips are "crisps"

* HP sauce is better then catsup

* Obama is considered a hero, Bush is considered an idiot.

* After fish and chips, curry is the most popular food

* The water controls in showers need detailed instructions

* They can boil anything

* Folks don't always lock their bikes

* It's not unusual to see people dressed different and speaking different languages

* Your electronic devices will work fine with just a plug adapter

* Nearly everyone is better educated then we are

* If someone buys you a drink you must do the same

* There are no guns

* Look right, walk left. Again; look right, walk left. You're welcome.

* Avoid British wine and French beer

* It's not that hard to eat with the fork in your left hand with a little practice. If you don't, everyone knows you're an American

* Many of the roads are the size of our sidewalks

* There's no AC

* Instead of turning the heat up, you put on a jumper

* Gas is "petrol", it costs about $6 a gallon and is sold by the liter

* If you speed on a motorway, you get a ticket. Period. Always

* You don't have to tip, really!

* Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Cornwall really are different countries

* Only 14% of Americans have a passport, everyone in the UK does

* You pay the price marked on products because the taxes (VAT) are built in

* Walking is the national pastime

* Their TV looks and sounds much better then ours

* They took the street signs down during WWII, but haven't put them all back up yet

* Everyone enjoys a good joke

* There are no guns

* Dogs are very well behaved and welcome everywhere

* There are no window screens

* You can get on a bus and end up in Paris

* Everyone knows more about our history than we do

* Radio is still a big deal. The BBC is quite good

* The newspapers can be awful

* Everything costs the same but our money is worth less so you have to add 50% to the price to figure what you're paying

* Beer comes in large, completely filled, actual pint glasses and the closer the brewery the better the beer

* Butter and eggs aren't refrigerated

* The beer isn't warm, each style is served at the proper temperature

* Cider (alcoholic) is quite good.

* Excess cider consumption can be very painful.

* The universal greeting is "Cheers" (pronounced "cheeahz" unless you are from Cornwall, then it's "chairz")

* The money is easy to understand: 1-2-5-10-20-50 pence, £1-£2 coins then £5-£10 &etc bills. There are no quarters.

* Their cash makes ours look like Monopoly money

* Cars don't have bumper stickers

* Many doorknobs, buildings and tools are older than America

* By law, there are no crappy, old cars

* When the sign says something was built in 456, they didn't lose the "1"

* Cake is is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for desert is pudding, even pudding

* BBC 4 is NPR

* Everything closes by 1800 (6pm)

* Very few people smoke, those who do often roll their own

* You're defined by your accent

* No one in Cornwall knows what the hell a Cornish Game Hen is

* Soccer is a religion, religion is a sport

* Europeans dress better then the British, we dress worse

* The trains work: a three minute delay is regrettable

* Drinks don't come with ice

* There are far fewer fat English people

* There are a lot of healthy old folks around participating in life instead of hiding at home watching tv

* If you're over 60, you get free tv and bus and rail passes.

* They don't use Bose anything anywhere

* Displaying your political or religious affiliation is considered very bad taste

* Every pub has a pet drunk

* Their healthcare works, but they still bitch about it

* Cake is one of the major food groups

* Their coffee is mediocre but their tea is wonderful

* There are still no guns

* Towel warmers!

* Cheers

[dsrdsrdsr]

Pretty accurate, I'd say. Not about the forks, though, plenty of people use them the American way. And in the North of England, pants are indeed trousers, not underwear.

[Langoustine]

"Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Cornwall really are different countries."

 

Cornwall? They might like to be, but surely they haven't managed it yet.

Edited October 6, 2015 by Langoustine

[tartanexile81]

Quite interesting to read this and although there's some things I disagree with (e.g as a dog owner I can confirm that they are NOT welcome everywhere) as generalisations they give a good overview

Edited October 6, 2015 by tartanexile81

[Sauer-kraut]

As an American who "eats with the fork upside down", it gave me a chuckle.

[Turtles06]

I'm also an American who eats with the fork "upside down." :)

 

What really hit home for me, though, were the repeated references to "no guns," as we've just had yet another mass shooting in our country. The rest of the world must think we are crazy to not be willing or able to address our gun problems.

 

Recently, my spouse and I began watching the British TV series "Vera." Totally love it, particularly the fabulous Brenda Blethyn. But it really struck me one day when we were watching it that here you have police officers chasing after criminals, going into scary places after bad guys, you name it and the police have no guns. And they mostly don't expect anyone to be shooting at them, either. So totally foreign in concept to Americans, where the police would have guns drawn and the bad guys would too.

 

I came across this in the paper today and thought I would share.

 

 

Scott Waters

24 September at 21:25 · Edited ·

 

I was in England again a few weeks ago, mostly in small towns, but here's some of what I learned:

...

* There are no guns

.....

 

* There are no guns

...

* There are no guns

 

* There are still no guns

---

* Cheers

[Bob++]

I am no dog lover and I too picked up on the comment about "dogs welcome".

 

On the fork thing - What's with some Americans who do a kind of switch thing? They hold knife and fork normally to cut a piece of steak and then swap over to hold the fork in the right hand to lift it to the mouth. I wonder if they don't trust the left hand to find the opening.

[LondonTowner]

I read this originally on Facebook. I find the fork thing strange as cutting up your food and then swapping the fork to another hand is a waste of energy. As a Brit I don't think we will ever change the dreadful American gun laws. I saw on the news the day before yesterday where a child of 9 shot somebody. Very unlikely to happen in Europe thank goodness.

[CruiserBruce]

Recently, my spouse and I began watching the British TV series "Vera." Totally love it, particularly the fabulous Brenda Blethyn. But it really struck me one day when we were watching it that here you have police officers chasing after criminals, going into scary places after bad guys, you name it and the police have no guns. And they mostly don't expect anyone to be shooting at them, either. So totally foreign in concept to Americans, where the police would have guns drawn and the bad guys would too.

 

 

I think more of the British police have guns than you think. They are simply concealed. I remember watching Harry and Kate bringing George home from the hospital. There were two men who were dressed like Harry- nice sweater over moderately casual pants, standing nearby, opening the car door and the hospital door, etc. However, their sweaters were pretty tight, and there was noticeable bumps on their hips.

 

 

British police may not be as heavily armed as US police, but some are carrying weapons.

Edited October 7, 2015 by CruiserBruce

[Bob++]

I think more of the British police have guns than you think. ~~

 

British police may not be as heavily armed as US police, but some are carrying weapons.

 

It is also the case that if there is any suggestion that a suspect is armed, they will whistle up an armed response team PDQ.

 

That said - it is infrequent enough that it usually gets reported in the national news. In America, as said above, it is normal and expected.

[Turtles06]

On the fork thing - What's with some Americans who do a kind of switch thing? They hold knife and fork normally to cut a piece of steak and then swap over to hold the fork in the right hand to lift it to the mouth. I wonder if they don't trust the left hand to find the opening.

 

I read this originally on Facebook. I find the fork thing strange as cutting up your food and then swapping the fork to another hand is a waste of energy.

 

As I said above, I'm an American who uses the fork as you folks do. I can't understand switching hands either. But what I can't recall is whether I always ate like that, or whether it started when I attended Cambridge (which was so long ago I can't recall how I first used a fork :) ).

[Turtles06]

British police may not be as heavily armed as US police, but some are carrying weapons.

 

Yes, thanks, I know that. But the huge difference is that only some are, whereas in the U.S., every police officer is armed. And the bad guys usually are too. Just far too many guns and gun nuts here.

[LondonTowner]

Of course British police carry guns depending on their operation, but don't carry them on a daily basis. However, they always seem very reluctant to use them, which isn't always the case in the US and other countries.

 

I was always brought up to respect the police, which doesn't seem to be the case these days.

[Keith1010]

It's all about perspective.

 

That's the fun part of travel..

 

Keith

[orchestrapal]

Since we spend six.weeks in London every year I agree and disagree with many of your findings from the big city point of view.

We have yet to speak to anyone who likes Obama much less considers him a hero.

We have yet to have a hotel room without Bose in the last 20 years.

We have never eaten anywhere where there were no napkins and we have fresh face cloths in our hotel every day.

No string lights in any bath rooms. We run into few peas or sausages.

 

Funny how the small town life differs from the big city one. Living in a large city in the US I guess we could find many things differ in small town America as well.

[buddha'smoo]

I think more of the British police have guns than you think. They are simply concealed. I remember watching Harry and Kate bringing George home from the hospital. There were two men who were dressed like Harry- nice sweater over moderately casual pants, standing nearby, opening the car door and the hospital door, etc. However, their sweaters were pretty tight, and there was noticeable bumps on their hips.

 

 

British police may not be as heavily armed as US police, but some are carrying weapons.

 

 

You perhaps might want to edit that to update the actual Royal who is married to Kate and the father of George

[John Bull]

Thanks for the post, Bob.

Here's my country-boy take on the feller's observations:

 

 

 

* Almost everyone is very polite

Folk almost always say "please", but rarely say "sir".

 

* The food is generally outstanding

The quality of food is very mixed - and doesn't always reflect the price.

 

* There are no guns

Certainly not in every-day life. Including the police - but there are highly-trained specialists.

 

* There are too many narrow stairs

Try living in Amsterdam

 

* The pubs close too early

Energetic folk then move on to the clubs, the rest of us crawl home to bed.

 

* The reason they drive on the left is because all their cars are built backwards

Weren't the first cars in both the US & Europe all right-hand drive?

 

* Pubs are not bars, they are community living rooms.

Can't argue with that one. Certainly outside the big bad city centres.

 

* You'd better like peas, potatoes and sausage

...... and meat pies & pasties

 

* Refrigerators and washing machines are very small

..... as are our appetites & our waists

 

* People don't seem to be afraid of their neighbors or the government

In the US we met a seemingly-intelligent teacher who was convinced that the vapour-trails from aircraft contained drugs to keep the population under control. But we have our fair share of nutters too.

 

* Their paper money makes sense, the coins don't

Au contraire, using paper for such low value as one dollar makes no sense at all. Nor does having bills all the same size & colour

 

* Everyone has a washing machine but driers are rare

No, most have driers. But when the weather permits, air-drying is fresher & cheaper.

 

* Hot and cold water faucets. Remember them?

No, they're not "faucets", they're "taps". The hot tap is marked in red, the cold in blue. And the further you turn them the faster the flow. Saves about half-an-hour & doses of pneumonia and scalding trying to figure out the various designs of all-in-one contraptions.

 

* Pants are called "trousers", underwear are "pants" and sweaters are "jumpers"

Yes, it can bring on a smile when an American talks about their pants.

 

* The bathroom light is a string hanging from the ceiling

Wet hands & electrical stuff are a dodgy mix (we work on 220 volts) - hence a pull-cord inside the bathroom or a switch outside the bathroom

 

* "Fanny" is a naughty word, as is "shag"

And our slang for a cigarette is a naughty word in the US.

 

* All the signs are well designed with beautiful typography and written in full sentences with proper grammar.

That all seems 2 b hstry l8ly du 2 damn txts. Ditto our abilaty to spel propaly.

 

* There's no dress code

Certainly not like in the old days.

 

* They eat with their forks upside down

Elvis never figured how to use a fork at all

 

* The English are as crazy about their gardens as Americans are about cars.

It's more of an age thing. Mention a petunia to a teenager & he'll ask how many cylinders it's got

 

* There are hardly any cops or police cars

True - and numbers are falling. But the gap, is bridged to some extent by technology such as the national crime computer, & automatic licence plate recognition cameras which alert police car drivers to passing vehicles tagged as un-registered, un-insured, unlicensed, implicated in crime, etc.

 

* 5,000 year ago, someone arranged a lot of rocks all over, but no one is sure why

It was a far-sighted entrepreneur who foresaw the advent of tourism.

 

* When you do see police they seem to be in male & female pairs and often smiling

Certainly more laid-back than US cops. But a big difference between city cops & country cops both sides of the Pond.

 

* Black people are just people: they didn't quite do slavery at home

One of our less-altruistic exports.

 

* Everything comes with chips, which are French fries. You put vinegar on them

Chips are big & fat. French-fries are skinny & crunchy - and were invented by the Belgians.

You can't get vinegar in a McDonalds, even in England.

 

* Cookies are "biscuits" and potato chips are "crisps"

Yep. Chips/crisps can create confusion.

 

* HP sauce is better then catsup

Catsup (ketchup) is for kids & wimps.

 

* Obama is considered a hero, Bush is considered an idiot.

"Hero" is probably pushing it but yes Obama is more highly-regarded than George Dubya, who is a figure of fun.

 

* After fish and chips, curry is the most popular food

Probably the other way round now. Except of course for Sunday lunch, when a sunday roast reigns supreme.

 

* The water controls in showers need detailed instructions

As they do in hotels the world over. Whatever happened to hot & cold taps??

 

* They can boil anything

For at least three hours, to ensure that the flavour is all boiled out.

 

* Folks don't always lock their bikes

In the cities they do.

 

* It's not unusual to see people dressed different and speaking different languages

In the cities that's very true. In the country it's probably English but with an unintelligible dialect, me dearie.

 

* Your electronic devices will work fine with just a plug adapter

That's what we find everywhere, including Europe, North America & cruise ships.

 

* Nearly everyone is better educated then we are

Sadly, not entirely true.

 

* If someone buys you a drink you must do the same

It's the law. There are cheap-skating ways to end up paying for the cheapest "rounds"- something at which I am highly-skilled.

 

* Avoid British wine and French beer

"British" wine was manufactured ("manufactured" is an appropriate word for the stuff) using grape must & wine from the European wine lake (the lake was located near the "butter mountain") back in the days of nonsensical European agricultural subsidies, I doubt you'll find any now.

"English" wine - from English vineyards. Commercially it's all white wine because our climate is no good for black grapes. To me, English wine tastes green (unripe) and appley but it has won awards. It's over-priced.

Because we don't have a wine industry to protect, shops & pubs & restaurants offer a wide range of the world's wines. Except Italian, French & Spanish restaurants, which usually offer only their own wines.

French beer is lager beer, same as Bud, Grolsch, etc. Most lager sold in the UK is brewed under licence to Dutch, Danish & Australian (yes, honest, Australian) breweries. Stuff like Heineken, Carlsburg, Fosters.

Best lagers are Belgian. Best bitters are British. Ireland has pretty-well cornered the market for stouts.

 

* Many of the roads are the size of our sidewalks

And many of your cars are the size of aircraft-carriers.

 

* There's no AC

Checking out climate websites will provide the reason.

 

* Gas is "petrol", it costs about $6 a gallon and is sold by the liter

We never did fully-embrace decimalisation. And we're obsessed by miles-per-gallon.

 

* If you speed on a motorway, you get a ticket. Period. Always

Unless signed otherwise, on motorways & divided highways the limit is 70mph - but unless you overtake a police car you're good for up to about 80.

It's the fixed automatic speed cameras that don't use discretion.

 

* You don't have to tip, really!

Broadly true. Quite a lot of Brits don't. But if you plan not to tip you'd best brush-up your English accent. And use your fork properly.

 

* Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Cornwall really are different countries

"Cornwall" is tongue-in-cheek. Same as Brittany, which has more in common with Cornwall than with France.

 

* Only 14% of Americans have a passport, everyone in the UK does

Everyone in the UK likes to see the sun from time to time.

 

* You pay the price marked on products because the taxes (VAT) are built in

As it should be elsewhere in the world.

 

* Walking is the national pastime

You'll see more ramblers than in America because we're such a small & crowded nation.

 

* Their TV looks and sounds much better then ours

Sadly advertising on our TV is becoming as intrusive as in the States.

 

* They took the street signs down during WWII, but haven't put them all back up yet

These thing take time.

 

* Everyone enjoys a good joke

But most Americans don't "get" British humour. Subtlety, sarcasm, satire, and exaggeration of real-life are the backbone. Benny Hill-type slapstick is history.

 

* Dogs are very well behaved and welcome everywhere

In country pubs for sure. Not so true elsewhere.

 

* There are no window screens

There are no mosquitos or flies.

 

* You can get on a bus and end up in Paris

And your luggage can end up in Brussels.

 

* Everyone knows more about our history than we do

I think that's a world-wide truism. Americans know more about Stonehenge than I do, and I live less than 20 miles away. I really must go see the place one day.

 

* Radio is still a big deal. The BBC is quite good

Like in the US radio is very much for the motorist, especially the commuter. Local stations, both BBC & commercial, are very good.

 

* The newspapers can be awful

Politically-biased rather than just awful. Political slants make them unworthy of the word "news".

 

* Everything costs the same but our money is worth less so you have to add 50% to the price to figure what you're paying

My experience is that the US is cheaper, though the damned add-ons significantly close the gap.

 

* Beer comes in large, completely filled, actual pint glasses and the closer the brewery the better the beer

Carrying three pints is an art, carrying four ends in disaster. Local breweries produce the best beers

 

* Butter and eggs aren't refrigerated

I suggest you change hotels.

 

* The beer isn't warm, each style is served at the proper temperature

Bitter at room temperature, most others chilled.

 

* Excess cider consumption can be very painful.

Cider from national manufacturers is bland, it's the stuff made in barns in the west country & called "Scrumpy") that's pretty toxic.

 

* The universal greeting is "Cheers" (pronounced "cheeahz" unless you are from Cornwall, then it's "chairz")

Or "alright?". Unless you are from London, when it's "awight?"_

 

* Their cash makes ours look like Monopoly money

No, ever since the Italians ditched the lira it's the Vietnamese dong that's Monopoly money.

 

* Cars don't have bumper stickers

I remember bumpers. Those chrome things that used to be on the ends of a car.

 

* Many doorknobs, buildings and tools are older than America

Some of our politicians too

 

* By law, there are no crappy, old cars

I drive one.

 

* Cake is is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for desert is pudding, even pudding

Steak & kidney pudding and Pease Pudding aren't dessert. And Kendal Mint Cake isn't a cake.

 

* Everything closes by 1800 (6pm)

4pm on a sunday.

 

* Very few people smoke, those who do often roll their own

Most folk have given up due to price & social pressures. The rest of us buy smokes much more cheaply, in bulk when we travel to Europe. Then smoke them huddled round pub doorways in the wind & the rain. That's true dedication.

 

* You're defined by your accent

Sadly very true. A Brummie or Scouse or Geordie accent (google them) can be a hindrance in business.

 

* No one in Cornwall knows what the hell a Cornish Game Hen is

Nor did I. Google was my friend.

 

* Soccer is a religion, religion is a sport

No it's not a religion. It's far more important than that.

 

* Europeans dress better then the British, we dress worse

Broadly true.

 

* The trains work: a three minute delay is regrettable

A train which arrives up to ten minutes late isn't "late". That's official.

 

* Drinks don't come with ice

Not true. In fact you need to specify if you don't want ice.

 

* There are far fewer fat English people

We're catching up fast.

 

* There are a lot of healthy old folks around participating in life instead of hiding at home watching tv

You see those participating in life. You don't see those hiding at home watching TV.

 

* If you're over 60, you get free tv and bus and rail passes.

Not entirely accurate but yes there are concessions.

 

* They don't use Bose anything anywhere

What's "Bose"? I'd best go back & ask Google.

 

* Displaying your political or religious affiliation is considered very bad taste

Religion yes. Blunt political affiliations yes too, but most conversations end in political opinion (the welfare state, taxation, the EU, migration, foreign policy, etc) so folk can guess your party preferences.

 

* Every pub has a pet drunk

Of course.

 

* Their healthcare works, but they still bitch about it

It works if you stand up for your rights, but it's grossly bureaucratic & wasteful and a big drain on the public purse.

 

* Cake is one of the major food groups

You forgot pies.

 

* Their coffee is mediocre but their tea is wonderful

How can anyone from the land of Starbucks complain about anyone else's coffee????? OK, coffee in mainland Europe is better.

So you discovered the wonder that is tea. Then you drink it iced, with lemon instead of milk. That's not a proper cuppa.

 

* Towel warmers!

Yes, heated rails in bathrooms. Very important.

* Cheers

 

I've made far too many comments to add appropriate smileys, just take everything with a pinch of salt & vinegar ;)

 

JB :)

Edited October 15, 2015 by John Bull

[whogo]

Your response belongs in the Cruise Critic Hall of Fame, JB.

[Cornishpastyman1]

"Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Cornwall really are different countries."

 

Cornwall? They might like to be, but surely they haven't managed it yet.

I beg to differ :)

[Ray66]

Great replies there JB! :) Yes, a TV licence isn't free at age 60. It's at age 75.

 

And we also know how to spell the word "than".

 

"HP sauce is better then catsup"

 

"Nearly everyone is better educated then we are"

 

"Their TV looks and sounds much better then ours"

 

"Europeans dress better then the British, we dress worse"

 

In each case "then" should be "than". Sorry to be a pedant but it really grates.

 

Than is used to compare or contrast things, as in "He is a lot smaller than his older brother." Then refers to time or consequence

[orchestrapal]

Great replies there JB! :) Yes, a TV licence isn't free at age 60. It's at age

 

In each case "then" should be "than". Sorry to be a pedant but it really grates.

 

Than is used to compare or contrast things, as in "He is a lot smaller than his older brother." Then refers to time or consequence

 

The use of English grammar in the US is appalling. British TV news readers as well as much of the British public we meet also have problems when using I and me. ME :mad:hates to hear it!:mad:

[Crown Vic]

Thanks for the post, Bob.

Here's my country-boy take on the feller's observations:

 

I've made far too many comments to add appropriate smileys, just take everything with a pinch of salt & vinegar ;)

 

JB :)

 

JB, as an ex-pat, had to chuckle at your comments. Pies, pasties and Old Speckled Hen. Does it get any better than that? Always enjoy your posts. Now we can add 'humour' to your attributes to go with your 'knowledge'...

[Taxi]

I'm planning my first visit to England, this has been fun to read!

[Bob++]

I'm planning my first visit to England, this has been fun to read!

 

If you enjoyed the humour, you will fit right in.

[2irisheyes]

I think more of the British police have guns than you think. They are simply concealed. I remember watching Harry and Kate bringing George home from the hospital. There were two men who were dressed like Harry- nice sweater over moderately casual pants, standing nearby, opening the car door and the hospital door, etc. However, their sweaters were pretty tight, and there was noticeable bumps on their hips.

 

 

British police may not be as heavily armed as US police, but some are carrying weapons.

 

Was Prince William (Kate's husband) not available to collect his son and wife from hospital so Harry stood in for him!! Yes, we do like a joke.