Rare NMTraveller Posted April 14, 2020 #351 Share Posted April 14, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare Von & John Posted April 14, 2020 #352 Share Posted April 14, 2020 Hahaha Johnny took one of mine to see if he could make a mask out of it 🤣 Brand new swimsuit -- good thing he decided it wouldn't work... 24 minutes ago, NMTraveller said: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paulpgr Posted April 14, 2020 #353 Share Posted April 14, 2020 *The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. * *Here are some facts about the 1500’s: * *Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married. * *Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water!" * *Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.* 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paulpgr Posted April 14, 2020 #354 Share Posted April 14, 2020 A wealthy husband and his wife were having dinner at an upscale restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!" "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with George?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. “Ours is prettier," she replies. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobndee Posted April 14, 2020 #355 Share Posted April 14, 2020 Here's one for those of us doing puzzles to fill the time. From the AARP Bulletin: ED: I'm proud of myself; I finished that jigsaw puzzle in just six months. FRED: That sounds like a long time. ED: Not when the box says 4 to 6 years! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob278 Posted April 14, 2020 #356 Share Posted April 14, 2020 I was shopping online at walmart and entered toilet paper. This is what came back. We're DOOMED! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted April 14, 2020 Author #357 Share Posted April 14, 2020 A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle on the speedometer jumped to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself as he pushed the gas pedal to the floor. The needle hit 90...100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day”, he said, “this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I really don't feel like filing any more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go." The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!” "Have a nice weekend," said the officer as he walked away. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILCIANRQTS Posted April 14, 2020 #358 Share Posted April 14, 2020 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILCIANRQTS Posted April 15, 2020 #359 Share Posted April 15, 2020 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paulpgr Posted April 15, 2020 #360 Share Posted April 15, 2020 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paulpgr Posted April 15, 2020 #361 Share Posted April 15, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted April 15, 2020 #362 Share Posted April 15, 2020 Julius Caesar walked into a bar and asked for a martinus. The bartender said "You mean a martini?" Caesar said "If I wanted a double I would have asked for it!" 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare NMTraveller Posted April 15, 2020 #363 Share Posted April 15, 2020 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ISABELLA Posted April 15, 2020 #364 Share Posted April 15, 2020 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ISABELLA Posted April 15, 2020 #365 Share Posted April 15, 2020 It must have been a woman who invented the Corona Virus! NFL – cancelled Formel 1 – cancelled Bars – Closed Brothels – Closed You have to stay at home – With the wife Men – We are facing a hard time! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denny01 Posted April 16, 2020 #366 Share Posted April 16, 2020 7 hours ago, centurycruiser said: Julius Caesar walked into a bar and asked for a martinus. The bartender said "You mean a martini?" Caesar said "If I wanted a double I would have asked for it!" I took Latin back in HS (in the early 60’s!) thinking it was great for science.....should have taken German! Now all I can do is talk to very old Priests and read tombstones.....and this is a Great joke!! Den 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted April 16, 2020 Author #367 Share Posted April 16, 2020 1 hour ago, Denny01 said: I took Latin back in HS (in the early 60’s!) thinking it was great for science.....should have taken German! Now all I can do is talk to very old Priests and read tombstones.....and this is a Great joke!! Den Denny, you made me laugh! I agree should have taken German. 😉 (Though I'm prejudiced, as I took both.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted April 16, 2020 Author #368 Share Posted April 16, 2020 A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers please!” 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paulpgr Posted April 16, 2020 #369 Share Posted April 16, 2020 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denny01 Posted April 16, 2020 #370 Share Posted April 16, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goofysmom99 Posted April 16, 2020 #371 Share Posted April 16, 2020 My new clock. I begin each day with "Alexa, what day is it?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob278 Posted April 16, 2020 #372 Share Posted April 16, 2020 Easier to track. How can a picture be sad, funny and true all at the same time? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shimsdan Posted April 16, 2020 #373 Share Posted April 16, 2020 On 4/4/2020 at 3:28 PM, NMTraveller said: Garden after Corona. This looks like the Butchart Gardens in Victoria, BC!!! Gorgeous! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fouremco Posted April 16, 2020 #374 Share Posted April 16, 2020 17 minutes ago, Shimsdan said: This looks like the Butchart Gardens in Victoria, BC!!! Gorgeous! Wrong thread, but yes, it is Butchart Gardens. This is my 2005 photo from a similar viewpoint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shimsdan Posted April 16, 2020 #375 Share Posted April 16, 2020 6 minutes ago, Fouremco said: Wrong thread, but yes, it is Butchart Gardens. This is my 2005 photo from a similar viewpoint. Actually, it's post 279 on page 12 of this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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