"Are We Mad?" - a not quite live review of our Alaskan, Transpacific, Comedy, and Papua New Guinea cruises

[Sparky74]

I’m probably mad to even attempt an almost live review but here goes. I make no promises that every day will be covered as in depth as the first few episodes. Nor do I promise that I won’t run out of steam and give up but I'll at least make a start. Hopefully you find this informative and maybe a little entertaining.

Here goes…

[Sparky74]

PART 1

Introduction and Background 

 

"Are we mad to consider this itinerary?" was a question I asked when we planned this trip. As we undertake this journey, I continue to ponder our sanity. 

 

DW (Cathryn) and I (Mark) are Salvation Army Officers who love to cruise. We’re in our late 40s, OK Cathryn turned 50 in February. We don’t have children and before the pandemic tried to cruise twice a year, usually in an inferior, I mean interior, cabin as demanded by our budget and the Scottish blood that flows in my veins.

 

We had 4 weeks of long service leave in addition to our usual 4 weeks of annual leave due in 2020 and with several years of saving we had planned a trip the USA taking in Disneyland, Walt Disney World (Cathryn is a fan and has over 150 Mickey Mouse watches), the Grand Canyon, New York, and an Alaskan Cruise on Radiance of the Seas. This trip was to culminate in an 18 night transpacific RCI cruise from Honolulu to Sydney. 

 

Unfortunately, in 2019 someone in Wuhan had a hankering for bat stew and unleashed a pestilence which was to throw the whole world into turmoil. And in early 2020 The Salvation Army decided that we could best be deployed in Grafton, NSW. So we postponed our holiday plans. We packed up DW's collection of Mickey Mouse watches and my collection of pianos along with my Model T Ford, and amidst pandemic and lockdowns we moved from Cowra at the end of June. 

 

18 months later, we found ourselves in a predicament. We now had 10 weeks of leave that NEEDED to be taken by the end of year and there were still no ships sailing in Australia. We took a week in April and travelled to Sydney where DW was awarded prizes for her scones, cupcakes, slice, and marble cake at the Royal Easter Show. Even I managed to pull off a blue ribbon win in the Shortbread. This is not the first time we’ve competed and DW has known success at the Royal Easter previously but the best I’ve managed before was a 3rd prize for my Orange Cake in 2016. 

 

When the Australian cruise industry FINALLY restarted we took my Auntie on a domestic cruise, 7 nights to North Qld out of Brisbane on the Coral Princess at the end of June. 30 years ago, at the age of 48, my maiden aunt surprised everyone by getting married. My late mother was her only sibling so when her husband died late last year it left my 3 sisters and I as her only family.  Auntie had been dropping not so subtle hints about wanting to cruise again but not wanting to go alone. With so much leave owing to us, DW and I decided we could tithe our holidays and give up a week so Auntie wouldn’t be alone for her 78th birthday. Are we mad?

 

That still left us with 8 weeks of holiday. We considered  the trip we had planned for 2020 but both felt the need for something more restful. One option we considered was to fly to LA, do a week at Disneyland, fly to Hawaii, and sail back to Brisbane on the inaugural transpacific journey of Quantum of the Seas. DW asked if we couldn’t just get on a ship and stay on for the whole 8 weeks B2B2B2B… I priced it out for Quantum of the Seas: Alaska, Vancouver to Honolulu, transpacific, and a couple of cruises out of Brisbane and it was certainly do-able, our budget and my Scottish ancestry not withstanding. 

 

However I suggested to DW that 8 weeks on one ship might become monotonous with repeated menus and onboard entertainment. What if we were to jump from ship to ship and from cruiseline to cruiseline. I embarked on a research project. Based around the Quantum transpacific (we were definitely going to do that cruise) I produced a colour coded spreadsheet of cruise alternatives. It really was a masterpiece and a thing of beauty! And then…

 

It was announced that the Carnival Splendor was returning to Sydney. Fares were offered at very attractive rates. After a day or two of me saying, "I really can’t go past that price", DW said, "Well book it." So I did! The price was so good that in a moment of weekness I even sprung for a balcony instead of our usual inferior cabin. 

 

As the ship was sailing from Seattle it seemed silly not to embark on an Alaskan cruise prior to the transpacific. OH MY GOODNESS! The price of Alaskan cruises almost gave me palpitations! This was not helped by the fact that everyone seemed to insist that one really needed a balcony cabin to appreciate an Alaskan cruise. So much for our beloved and affordable inferior cabins! And don’t get started on the cost of shore excursions. Or accommodation in Seattle. Wowsers! Eventually I settled on 7 nights on the Eurodam. This will be our first cruise with Holland America.

 

As much as I was unimpressed with our previous cruise on P&O (I think that stands for Poor & 'Orrible) DW has been harbouring a desire to cruise to PNG. She noticed a cruise on the Pacific Encounter scheduled for after our return to Australia. We had a few days to fill in between cruises and thanks to a flash sale (which seem to occur every week) we picked up a 3 night comedy cruise for less than the price of a hotel in Brisbane. I even talked myself into booking balconies on the P&O cruises. 

 

So, here’s our itinerary:

 

Thursday 25/8/22 

Fly to Seattle 

 

Saturday 27/8/22 to Saturday 3/9/33

7 night Alaskan Cruise on HAL Eurodam in Seattle

 

Tuesday 6/9/22 to Friday 30/9/22 

23 night transpacific cruise on Carnival Splendor

 

Saturday 1/10/22 to Tuesday 4/10/22

3 night comedy cruise on P&O Pacific Encounter ex-Brisbane

 

Tuesday 4/10/22 to Friday 14/10/22

10 night PNG cruise on P&O Pacific Encounter

 

Those who have been paying attention will realise that we’re in a balcony cabin for all four cruises!

 

Are we mad?

[aussielozzie18]

Great intro!  Definitely following along. 

[Jandex]

Thanks for taking the time during your trip to keep us entertained and informed. Looking forward to following along as well. 

[arxcards]

Love the background, please don't lose steam (coming from a person who just set a new record of 13 days to unpack our cruise cases, a new PB)

 

[Sparky74]

PART 2
Pre-cruise Preparation and Packing

 

Our current posting with The Salvation Army includes responsibility for two op shops staffed by volunteers. Whilst we have a paid manager in the larger shop, the smaller (out of town) shop is managed directly by us and DW spends at least one day a week there. My FIL (father-in-law) and MIL (mother-in-law) live in Coffs Harbour, about an hour South of where we are stationed in Grafton, and kindly volunteer in both shops. We had confirmed that they were OK to operate the smaller store every second Tuesday while we were away.

 

About a month before we commence our trip DW returns home from a day at the smaller shop with her parents and announces that FIL dropped a bombshell that day. They will be on the 23 night transpacific cruise with us! 😱

 

This came as a great shock. They knew of our trip and had not said anything of their plans until now. We even use the same TA who was in on the secret. Fortunately we get on with FIL and MIL but living so close we see a fair bit of them and we don't need to spend our holidays with them as well. Had I know they were planning this trip we would have done something else but it was too late now for us to change our booking. 🤷‍♂️ 

 

We had arranged for a retired couple to act as locums for the 8 weeks we are away and they will live in our home during our absence. This means the house needs to be clean and tidy before we leave. Our place is NEVER clean and tidy! 

 

I think our biggest issue with the house is that we have too much stuff. We are both pack rats and being in the op shops where we see so many great bargains doesn’t help. Did I mention my Scottish ancestry?

 

I had grand plans that I'll have my bag packed by the weekend before we leave, we'll head off on the Wednesday to meet with our locoms, stay the night at FIL and MIL's before flying out on Thursday morning. Am I mad to think I'll ever be that organised?

 

Unfortunately I had not communicated my grand plans to DW and she had arranged to spend that final Wednesday at the smaller op shop and had made a final physiotherapist appointment for her ankle (see following paragraph) for 5pm, with the idea that we'd travel to her parents' place after that. Is she mad? Unbeknown to her I organise someone else to cover the op shop that day and phoned the physio to request an earlier appointment. Am I mad to interfere with her plans? Probably!

 

DW has been suffering with a painful ankle since last year and about 5 weeks before we leave was diagnosed with grossly inflamed tendons. A "moon boot" was prescribed and fitted and whilst she was initially determined to be out of the moon boot before we leave, common sense prevailed and she wore it on the flights. Unbeknownst to her I organised wheelchair assistance at the airports but more on this later.

 

As our departure day draws ever closer my stress level continues to rise and I begin to doubt if we will actually get away at all. Jimmy Rees has made a video that is surprisingly accurate and we don’t even have kids! https://youtu.be/NFYEbtwKUfg

 

What to pack is always a vexed question. The adage of half the clothes and twice the money is actually sage advice and as I write this, a week and a half into the trip, I wish I had brought less clothing and I’m so grateful for the years of careful saving which mean we have extra spending money on this trip. I keep chasing the moths out of my wallet each day. 

 

Part of packing for any trip, even if it’s just for a few days, involves what we call "the great try on". Even though our wardrobe and drawers are crammed full of clothing it’s an ordeal to find suitable clothes that fit our corpulent frames. This is exasperated by the fact that we spend most of our life wearing uniform. Also many of DW's tops are stained as she has a talent for dropping food on her ample bosom. 

 

We go shopping, not only at the op shops but we even buy some brand new items from retail outlets. I bought some hiking pants (on sale) for Alaska and exchange a shirt, purchased before Easter, which is now too big due to my weight loss regime. DW struggles to find long pants for Alaska but we eventually get a pair in the men's department at Kmart. She buys a new top and a friend gives her some as well. She finds me a pair of gloves at the op shop and I’ve also bought a (fake) fur hat and some fleecy zippered vests fir Alaska. Oh, and I pull out one of my unionsuits, the red one!

 

We considered buying merino wool socks for our one day in the snow, dogsledding on the glacier in Juneau but I can’t justify spending $50 on a pair of socks, especially for one day. That’s $25 for each foot! Are they mad? DW's sister-in-law works for a mohair company and she kindly sends us 3 pairs of socks each as well as a beautiful scarf for DW. The socks prove to be warm and comfortable although I could have coped with one pair on this trip. DW has found them great to wear under her moon boot for the last few weeks. 
 

A few cruises ago one of our cases suffered some damage, a small tear in the fabric. I had a brainwave to repair it with a souvenir cloth patch. In fact, why not buy patches everywhere we visit and cover the suitcase with them making it unique and easy to identify on a baggage carousel? I'll tell you why not. Because it’s jolly difficult to sew a patch onto a suitcase. Even with a curved needle. I do manage to attach ONE patch, over the tear, and I also glue it because I don’t trust my sewing even though I doubled the thread. It took me over an hour to sew on that one patch. There’s no prizes for guessing how many more patches will be sewn onto the case. I’m not THAT mad!

 

I had another idea. I ordered some stretchy lycra suitcase covers online, purple for DW and bright blue for me. Maybe I could sew patches onto the lycra. The covers arrived the day we left, too late to sew on patches. It’s probably just as well because although they worked a treat and made our bags easy to identify, with the wear they’re showing after the flights and being taken on and off one cruise they may need replacing after this trip.

 

Eventually I get my case packed the night before we leave. It’s full, almost over full. It’s zipped up and has the Lycra cover on it. Everything is secured with a bright yellow luggage strap for extra protection. And then I remembered the ducks!

 

Apparently it’s a thing to hide small rubber ducks on cruise ships, especially on Carnival ships in the USA. If you don’t believe me, google "cruise ducks". As DW and I are into all sorts of arts and crafts we decide to try crocheting some ducks. I think this will be a great sea day activity but DW takes the bull by the horns and crochet's dozens over the last few months and they all need to go into our cases. So I undo the yellow strap, take off the Lycra cover, unzip the bag, and cram in some ducks! Then I do the bag up again thinking I won’t open it until we’re back in Seattle. Am I mad to think that?

 

On Wednesday morning a lady from church kindly comes to help us beat the house Into submission. We’ve already emptied the wardrobe in the master bedroom in preparedness for our locums moving in and even the dining room table has been cleared. The back bedroom has become a storage room and is packed with boxes of stuff from around the house. There will be a big sort out when we get home! One of the bedrooms serves as a craft room but over the last couple of weeks it’s become a chuckery, somewhere just to chuck stuff! Close the door, she’ll be right, something else to deal with when we return. 

 

Are we mad?

[arxcards]

5 hours ago, Sparky74 said:

Apparently it’s a thing to hide small rubber ducks on cruise ships, especially on Carnival ships in the USA. If you don’t believe me, google "cruise ducks". As DW and I are into all sorts of arts and crafts we decide to try crocheting some ducks. I think this will be a great sea day activity but DW takes the bull by the horns and crochet's dozens over the last few months and they all need to go into our cases. So I undo the yellow strap, take off the Lycra cover, unzip the bag, and cram in some ducks! Then I do the bag up again thinking I won’t open it until we’re back in Seattle. Am I mad to think that?

A great read already.

 

Those ducks are becoming a bit of a thing here too. In a lift on Coral Princess a couple of weeks ago, my wife says "Oh look, some poor kid has left their toy behind", but then it twigged with me, and now we have a duck to take on a couple of cruises before re-hiding for someone else. On following the links provided, ducks are everywhere.

[Cbtours]

7 hours ago, Sparky74 said:

I’m probably mad to even attempt an almost live review but here goes. I make no promises that every day will be covered as in depth as the first few episodes. Nor do I promise that I won’t run out of steam and give up but I'll at least make a start. Hopefully you find this informative and maybe a little entertaining.

Here goes…

Been waiting in great anticipation.

[Cbtours]

8 hours ago, Sparky74 said:

PART 1

Introduction and Background 

 

"Are we mad to consider this itinerary?" was a question I asked when we planned this trip. As we undertake this journey, I continue to ponder our sanity. 

 

DW (Cathryn) and I (Mark) are Salvation Army Officers who love to cruise. We’re in our late 40s, OK Cathryn turned 50 in February. We don’t have children and before the pandemic tried to cruise twice a year, usually in an inferior, I mean interior, cabin as demanded by our budget and the Scottish blood that flows in my veins.

 

We had 4 weeks of long service leave in addition to our usual 4 weeks of annual leave due in 2020 and with several years of saving we had planned a trip the USA taking in Disneyland, Walt Disney World (Cathryn is a fan and has over 150 Mickey Mouse watches), the Grand Canyon, New York, and an Alaskan Cruise on Radiance of the Seas. This trip was to culminate in an 18 night transpacific RCI cruise from Honolulu to Sydney. 

 

Unfortunately, in 2019 someone in Wuhan had a hankering for bat stew and unleashed a pestilence which was to throw the whole world into turmoil. And in early 2020 The Salvation Army decided that we could best be deployed in Grafton, NSW. So we postponed our holiday plans. We packed up DW's collection of Mickey Mouse watches and my collection of pianos along with my Model T Ford, and amidst pandemic and lockdowns we moved from Cowra at the end of June. 

 

18 months later, we found ourselves in a predicament. We now had 10 weeks of leave that NEEDED to be taken by the end of year and there were still no ships sailing in Australia. We took a week in April and travelled to Sydney where DW was awarded prizes for her scones, cupcakes, slice, and marble cake at the Royal Easter Show. Even I managed to pull off a blue ribbon win in the Shortbread. This is not the first time we’ve competed and DW has known success at the Royal Easter previously but the best I’ve managed before was a 3rd prize for my Orange Cake in 2016. 

 

When the Australian cruise industry FINALLY restarted we took my Auntie on a domestic cruise, 7 nights to North Qld out of Brisbane on the Coral Princess at the end of June. 30 years ago, at the age of 48, my maiden aunt surprised everyone by getting married. My late mother was her only sibling so when her husband died late last year it left my 3 sisters and I as her only family.  Auntie had been dropping not so subtle hints about wanting to cruise again but not wanting to go alone. With so much leave owing to us, DW and I decided we could tithe our holidays and give up a week so Auntie wouldn’t be alone for her 78th birthday. Are we mad?

 

That still left us with 8 weeks of holiday. We considered  the trip we had planned for 2020 but both felt the need for something more restful. One option we considered was to fly to LA, do a week at Disneyland, fly to Hawaii, and sail back to Brisbane on the inaugural transpacific journey of Quantum of the Seas. DW asked if we couldn’t just get on a ship and stay on for the whole 8 weeks B2B2B2B… I priced it out for Quantum of the Seas: Alaska, Vancouver to Honolulu, transpacific, and a couple of cruises out of Brisbane and it was certainly do-able, our budget and my Scottish ancestry not withstanding. 

 

However I suggested to DW that 8 weeks on one ship might become monotonous with repeated menus and onboard entertainment. What if we were to jump from ship to ship and from cruiseline to cruiseline. I embarked on a research project. Based around the Quantum transpacific (we were definitely going to do that cruise) I produced a colour coded spreadsheet of cruise alternatives. It really was a masterpiece and a thing of beauty! And then…

 

It was announced that the Carnival Splendor was returning to Sydney. Fares were offered at very attractive rates. After a day or two of me saying, "I really can’t go past that price", DW said, "Well book it." So I did! The price was so good that in a moment of weekness I even sprung for a balcony instead of our usual inferior cabin. 

 

As the ship was sailing from Seattle it seemed silly not to embark on an Alaskan cruise prior to the transpacific. OH MY GOODNESS! The price of Alaskan cruises almost gave me palpitations! This was not helped by the fact that everyone seemed to insist that one really needed a balcony cabin to appreciate an Alaskan cruise. So much for our beloved and affordable inferior cabins! And don’t get started on the cost of shore excursions. Or accommodation in Seattle. Wowsers! Eventually I settled on 7 nights on the Eurodam. This will be our first cruise with Holland America.

 

As much as I was unimpressed with our previous cruise on P&O (I think that stands for Poor & 'Orrible) DW has been harbouring a desire to cruise to PNG. She noticed a cruise on the Pacific Encounter scheduled for after our return to Australia. We had a few days to fill in between cruises and thanks to a flash sale (which seem to occur every week) we picked up a 3 night comedy cruise for less than the price of a hotel in Brisbane. I even talked myself into booking balconies on the P&O cruises. 

 

So, here’s our itinerary:

 

Thursday 25/8/22 

Fly to Seattle 

 

Saturday 27/8/22 to Saturday 3/9/33

7 night Alaskan Cruise on HAL Eurodam in Seattle

 

Tuesday 6/9/22 to Friday 30/9/22 

23 night transpacific cruise on Carnival Splendor

 

Saturday 1/10/22 to Tuesday 4/10/22

3 night comedy cruise on P&O Pacific Encounter ex-Brisbane

 

Tuesday 4/10/22 to Friday 14/10/22

10 night PNG cruise on P&O Pacific Encounter

 

Those who have been paying attention will realise that we’re in a balcony cabin for all four cruises!

 

Are we mad?

Love it! Enjoyed reading your autobiography. Very accomplished in the kitchen, morning teas at your place must be pretty spectacular!

looking forward to the next instalment 😊

Edited September 5, 2022 by Cbtours

[MicCanberra]

Looking forward to the reports. Hope you enjoyed the first cruise and Bon voyage for the second.

[cruiser3775]

Love your trip reports - you have talent as a comic writer!

I am looking forward to your PNG report, as I'll be doing something similar in November.

[NSWP]

Classic intro Sparky, pure Gold.  I do hope that  both of you enjoy your cruise adventures, so richly deserved.

 

I respect the Salvos, they do great work and might I say in my 36 yrs of work👮‍♂️They fed me and my comrades many times at major incidents.🥩🥧🙏

Edited September 6, 2022 by NSWP

[OzKiwiJJ]

Wonderful start, Mark. I'm looking forward to reading more about your travels.

[ekka49]

Mark 

I will be following your cruises with interest.

Have a great time relax and go with the flow.

Very interesting two reports to start the ball rolling.

Thank you

[Sparky74]

45 minutes ago, ekka49 said:

Mark 

I will be following your cruises with interest.

Have a great time relax and go with the flow.

Very interesting two reports to start the ball rolling.

Thank you

I note with interest that you’re from Bargara. Have you lived there long? I grew up at Kalkie. 

[ekka49]

Just now, Sparky74 said:

I note with interest that you’re from Bargara. Have you lived there long? I grew up at Kalkie. 

We moved up from the Gold Coast 20 years ago.

We will not be moving again. 

[arxcards]

7 minutes ago, ekka49 said:

We moved up from the Gold Coast 20 years ago.

We will not be moving again. 

My dad lived at Burnett Heads for a few years, but more than 20 years ago. No doubt the whole area has filled in since I was last there.

[aussielozzie18]

I would be delighted to find a crocheted duck on a ship.  Your wife’s efforts will bring joy.

 

DD recently spent 8 weeks overseas, multiple countries & flights.  Brand new hardcase suitcase came home with deep gauges and dents.

DS arrived home this morning from Vancouver.  Multiple flights with my 10 yo fabric suitcase.  No damage whatsoever.

Both did hikes in NPs.  Their paths crossed in Hawaii but DD couldn’t pass on the expensive bear spray to DS because it is not permitted on flights.

Love the detail in your TR.

 

 

[Aus Traveller]

13 hours ago, arxcards said:

A great read already.

 

Those ducks are becoming a bit of a thing here too. In a lift on Coral Princess a couple of weeks ago, my wife says "Oh look, some poor kid has left their toy behind", but then it twigged with me, and now we have a duck to take on a couple of cruises before re-hiding for someone else. On following the links provided, ducks are everywhere.

I saw a little duck in a lift on the Pacific Encounter last week and thought the same as your wife. I didn't touch the duck.

[MicCanberra]

I thought it was normal for ducking and weaving, I suppose knitting is close to weaving.

[Sparky74]

6 hours ago, arxcards said:

My dad lived at Burnett Heads for a few years, but more than 20 years ago. No doubt the whole area has filled in since I was last there.

I guess it’s like most places, time moves on. We visited Bundy a few years ago and I hardly recognise the place. 🤷‍♂️

[Sparky74]

Part 3

Off We Go

 

Back at the end of February parts of Eastern Australia experienced unprecedented rain. Although the Clarence River did not overflow the levee banks in Grafton, the council pumps failed after the flood gates were closed and storm water could not escape. This resulted in about 2’ (600mm) of water through the Salvation Army complex. Subsequent to that the damp conditions lead to an outbreak of mould. We hope to be back in the building by Christmas. For the past five or six months I’ve been dealing with the insurance company, their appointed project manager, restoration "experts", builders, Salvation Army bureaucracy, a local rebuilding committee… And I’ve been constantly reminding everyone that we would be away for 8 weeks from mid August. So why, oh why do I get a call on the day we’re leaving, in the midst of all the last minute getting ready, to ask if I can meet with an AV consultant? Are they mad? But I head down to the (re)construction site to explain our needs and our wish list. Am I mad?

 

After lunch DW heads off to her rescheduled physio appointment and Bronwyn (the kind lady from church) and I keep cleaning. After her appointment Cathryn heads to Macksville in the white (work) car where we’d arranged to meet with our locums (they live in Port Macquarie). I commence leaving the house. 

 

The first issue is I can’t find my keys. It turns out that they’re in the white car with DW. She tells me where to find the spare keys to the red (our personal) car. I then commence the leaving dance. Get in the car, realise I’ve forgotten something, undo the seatbelt and run back inside, repeat, repeat, repeat. I start singing the last part of the policemen’s song from the Pirates of Penzance: 🎶 Yes, forward on we go. Yes, forward on we go. Yes, but you DON'T go! 🎶 Bronwyn is still there finishing off mopping the floors, God bless her. 

 

I eventually make it out of the driveway, into the street and around the corner when I remember one last thing I’ve forgotten so I chuck a U-ee and run back into the house AGAIN! Am I mad?

 

After having coffee with our locums at Macksville, we leave them with keys, my phone, and the white car, secure in the knowledge that everything is in safe hands. We head back to Coffs Harbour in the little red car. 

 

FIL gives me an Express Post envelope and apologies for opening it as he didn’t notice my name on it. It’s the International SIM that I’d ordered at the last minute. I had it sent to their place as I wasn’t sure it would arrive in time. I had ummed and aahed for ages over whether it was worth buying and thought it may have been a waste of money. But it turned out to be one of our best purchases and I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that it’s worth it’s weight in gold. It doesn’t weigh much after all. 

 

Wednesday night is Family Dinner Night at the in-laws so 10 of us sat down to eat including DW’s adult niece and nephew. FIL and MIL are flying to Seattle a few days after us to cruise Alaska on the Carnival Splendor, B2B with the transpacific. 

 

After dinner, FIL starts talking about his medication, one of his favourite topics of conversation. He is whinging that he had to get two months supply and because of that he couldn’t get it for free it cost him $60. 😱 And I thought I was tight! He gets up from the table and returns with a FULL shopping bag which he plonks on the table. It’s full of meds and he’s still grumbling about $60. DW'S niece, who is a recently graduated RN just shakes her head. I ask him if they are his "keep alive" pills and he replies, "Yes, but they’re not doing a good job." Really?! Is he mad? I used to work in an aged care home so I’ve seen a few dead bodies in my time and I fairly certain he’s still alive and kicking. 

 

FIL continues to talk about his meds. Included in the catalogue of pills are a particularly potent laxative which he always refers to as his "brown bombers" to be taken should the need arise. In addition to these he also has GastroStop to counteract the effect of the brown bombers. MIL comments that they only buy these things to take on cruises and then throw them out once they expire and buy more for the next cruise. The RN continues to shake her head. 

 

FIL is going to follow his usual at home practice of decanting his pills into specimen jars. Why? Who knows? Why does he even have dozens of yellow lidded specimen jars? Why, to keep his medication in of course! The RN suggests he should keep it all in it’s original packaging for travelling overseas. No, he’s going to flatten all the boxes and pack them in the same bag as all the specimen jars full of pills. The RN is lost for words. The rest of us just shake our heads. I’m not going to even bother asking the rhetorical question about FIL's sanity. He’s definitely mad!

 

After dinner I attempted to fill out the electronic US Attestation form on the QANTAS webpage. I’d had issues doing this at home the previous day and had ended up printing PDFs for us both to sign. I still can’t get the online form to load so we’ll just go with the paper ones. 

 

I then need to print some labels for our crochet ducks. I find a template online but think it probably would have been easier to start from scratch. DW is a bit of a perfectionist (that’s why she married me!) so I continue to call her in for consultation and it ends up a masterpiece, complete with a photo of one of our ducks and a QR code linking to our own FB page, Ocean Going Craft. Of course I’ve done this on MIL's computer and it’s not connected to a printer so it has to be put on a USB so FIL can print it. Eventually I end up with 80 cards printed and with a hole punched in them, ready to attach to ducks. 

 

What’s DW up to while I’m doing this? Well her sister announced that the school where she works as a Teacher's Aid is having a cake stall the next day, could DW make some cupcakes? Sure, how many? Oh, about 100. Is she mad? DW makes her a couple of slices and SOME cupcakes, complete with icing and sprinkles, but not 100. She's not that mad. 

 

We’d brought tomorrow's clothes separately and keep spare toiletries and pyjamas at the in-laws. This was so we didn’t need to open our cases. Are we mad? Of course I needed to open my case for some now forgotten reason. Off comes the yellow strap, off comes the blue lycra cover, undo the straining zip, and stuff spills out onto the floor. Will I ever get it back together again?

 

Eventually we get to bed. I have multiple alarms set as we have an early start tomorrow for our flights to America but that’s another story…

[Sparky74]

Part 4

Coming to America 

 

We have a 10am flight from Coffs Harbour, an hour and a half to get from Sydney Domestic to Sydney International and an hour and a half layover in Vancouver to get us to Seattle. What could go wrong? We are scheduled to arrive in Seattle at 2:30pm on Thursday and our Alaskan cruise doesn’t sail until Saturday. I’m not so mad as to not build some "wriggle room" into our itinerary. 

 

We’re up at what DW refers to as "stupid o’clock". She’s most decidedly NOT a morning person (but I am). We shower and dress and DW completes her travel ensemble with this season’s top accessory, a moon boot on her right foot. The QANTAS website implores us to be at the airport 3 hours before our 10am flight so FIL drops us off just after 7 and checkin isn’t open. There’s not a QANTAS employee in sight. DW is convinced that I’m mad. 

 

At about 8:30 they open and we’re second in line. A lovely lady named Bianca checks us in. As she asks for each piece of paperwork I’m able to produce it from my folder. Passports, Vaccination certificates, ESTAs… What about the online Attestation? Nah, couldn’t get that to work so here’s hard copies. Bianca says they prefer the electronic ones but everything is in order. She prints boarding passes for all our flights and assures us that we don’t need to collect our luggage until we get to Seattle. 

 

We go through security including the full body scan and I received a physical pat down as well, all for no extra charge. After paying what seems an exorbitant price for breakfast, which like so many of our meals serves as a reminder of how cheap cruising actually is, we hear the inevitable announcement. 

 

Yep, you guessed it, our flight is delayed! DW and I look at each other and comment that we'll miss our connection. Oh well, no sense in worrying about what's out of our control. I do phone the TA (travel agent) just to give them the heads up that I may be asking for help but while I’m on the phone another announcement comes across advising passengers with connections that they’re working on it and that we should be patient and wait for further announcements. All good. I’m as calm as a cucumber. It’s their problem, not mine. If they can’t sort it, the TA will, and if they can’t then I'll ring the insurance company. Hopefully it won’t come to that (and it doesn’t). 

 

Eventually they page us and ask us to return to the checkin counter. Some fellow travellers offer to watch our hand luggage and I suggest they should sell it all off to the highest bidder in our absence. Back at checkin we're served by a baggage handler (you’ve gotta love these small regional airports) who issues us with new boarding passes for different flights for Sydney to Vancouver to Seattle. He also shows us the new luggage tags and says he’ll put these new tags on our bags. 

 

We go back through security (no pat down this time) and retrieve our hand luggage. When our plane finally arrives, DW is paged and because she has wheelchair assistance we are first on the plane. 

 

Upon arrival in Sydney we’re the last passengers off and they have a lift for DW so she doesn’t have to use the stairs. Everyone else has been herded onto a bus but we’re whisked away on a golf cart. As we go we catch a glimpse of our bags in their distinctive lycra covers. We’re transferred to a minibus for a private transfer to the International terminal. Asking for wheelchair assistance really gets you the VIP treatment! DW is bundled into another wheelchair and the lady now assisting us suggests having lunch in the food court BEFORE security and Boarder Force, and shows us where to find her once we’re done which we do. She wizzes us to the front of each line and in no time we’re at our departure gate with 5 hours to wait. 

 

I find an icecream for us each. And then go back to the chemist I saw. I’m feeling rather uncomfortable and could have used one of FIL's brown bombers. The chemist is able to provide something fast acting which isn’t taken orally and I head to the gents. Almost instantaneous success! Later in the trip I comment to DW that a successful bowel movement is a source of joy so this becomes our personal code. Throughout our holiday we comment to each other if there has been joy, much joy, or no joy. Are we mad?

 

Back to the story… They announce that boarding will commence "shortly" for our 8:25pm flight. Then they announce that there is an engineering issue and boarding will commence at 9:15. We are escorted through the gate along with others requiring wheelchair assistance and then we sit and wait some more. 

 

I strike up conversation with a lady seated in a wheelchair. She’s from Victoria and is flying to the USA to visit her daughter who emigrated 18 months ago. The daughter has decided that she’s missing her dog so mum is bringing the dog to her. Is she mad? I get the distinct impression that she is!

 

This mad dog lady then starts telling everyone how comfortable we will be on the flight as the seats will lay back into completely flat beds. She obviously has a first class ticket. While we might be turning into balcony people on cruise ships we are still very much economy, cattle class, people on airplanes!

 

As we are seated inside the boarding gate we have opportunity to chat with the staff and are privy to additional information. Apparently the plane has a software issue. I suggest turning it off and then turning it back on again. Then we learn that the software issue is with the intercom system and that it’s the pilot's decision if we fly without it or wait until it’s fixed. 

 

Eventually they escort us onto the plane and then all the ordinary people board. DW has a "window 

" seat, I’m in the middle and no one comes to sit in the aisle seat. I’m happy with that! The only issue was that DW's window seat had no window, just blank wall, but that was OK. All the better to lean against while sleeping. 

 

I'm not a good sleeper at home (although I’m great at falling asleep in the lounge while "watching" TV) and I really struggle to sleep on planes. Perhaps I should have asked to swap seats with that mad dog lady up towards the pointy end of the plane but I resist temptation. I’m not THAT mad. 

 

Some people say that they cruise for the food. I’m not aware of anyone mad enough to get on a plane just for the food, though. The QANTAS staff continue to give stellar service and even bring me a snack upon request when I’m wide awake and staving whilst most of the other passengers including DW are snoring. 

 

At one stage the senior flight attendant came and spoke with us. She explained that we were going to miss our connection in Vancouver. We’d worked that out for ourselves! She gave us a slip of paper with details of another flight to Seattle (3rd times a charm) that QANTAS had booked for us. 

 

I’ve not yet wrapped my head around what the sun was doing because we flew through darkness for hours and hours. It grew light and they served us breakfast. Then we landed and it was about 7:30pm but still light because it's Summer.

 

Again we’re last off the plane because that’s how it works with wheelchair assistance; first on and last off. Not only was there someone on the aerobridge with a wheelchair for DW but also a QANTAS representative with details of our complementary hotel and dinner vouchers because our new flight wasn’t until tomorrow morning. We would be staying at the Vancouver Airport Hilton. Ooooh! Fancy. 

 

DW transferred to another golf cart but as there were other assisted passengers there was no room for me to ride so I had to trot along behind. We were escorted all the way and whisked through special queues. The fact that I hadn’t been able to get the ArriveCAN app to work was of no consequence and before we knew it we had our lycra clad luggage and were waiting for a shuttle bus to the hotel. 

 

I’ve decided that like many companies, the good people at Hilton let the marketing team handle all the difficult bits. Although it was named the Vancouver AIRPORT Hotel it was a good 20 minute ride from the airport. 

 

Our room was quite comfortable, with two double beds, one each! Not quite the fancy hotel that the Hilton name had conjured in my mind. I guess probably 3.5 to 4 stars by Australian standards. Certainly plenty good enough for us. Dinner, shower and bed was the order of the day. Fortunately I had clean underwear, socks, a razor, my toothbrush, and a tiny tube of toothpaste in my carryon luggage so my suitcase could remain wrapped in lycra. DW, however, needed to undress and access hers. She must be mad. 

 

Our flight was scheduled for 7:30am with instructions to be there two hours beforehand. So I set an alarm on the iPad, DW's phone and scheduled a wake up call all for stupid o'clock. We woke, showered again, dressed, and caught the shuttle back to the airport all without incident. Again we had wheelchair assistance so the process was expedited and we passed through US immigration with no dramas. We ate another exorbitantly priced breakfast and just as well as they didn’t serve anything on the very short Delta flight to Seattle. 

 

We had been looking forward to seeing local wild life on our trip. We’d heard and read about moose and caribou, brown bears and black bears, whales and orca, sea otters, seals, and sea lions. We were, however, not expecting to see a mouse in the Vancouver airport, and yet, there it was! 

 

We arrived in Seattle safe and sound, albeit about 18 hours later than we expected. Another wheelchair ride for DW and once again we're reunited with our cases and escorted to the taxi rank. 

 

More to come…

 

 

 

 

 

[Tripmode33]

Following along Mark, and enjoying. Thanks for taking the time to share your adventures. Looking forward to the future instalments.

[Jean C]

Yes, you have an avid group of readers of your missives, looking forward to the next installment, but make sure you leave yourself lenty of holiday enjoyment time as well 😀