Etiquette: Dinner companions

[CO FF]

Newbie question: what's the etiquette of dealing with your dinner companions (we're 2 at a table for 8, not knowing any in advance) when you skip out for other options? Is it "rude" that we not show up for dinner occasionally, without having told people in advance (i.e., when we're eating at the "upscale" restaurant, or if we're eating on shore and not double-dining)?

 

Also, what if we just don't find ourselves "clicking" with our tablemates? How many meals do we have to go thru before asking about a change?

[Marie51]

I think it is courteous to let your waiter know if you will not be at dinner so he doesn't wonder what happened to you and does not wait for you.

I would say if you and your tablemates don't click after a couple dinners that would be a good time to look into getting moved.

You can always eat by yourselves if you prefer. Request a table for 2.

Edited July 15, 2014 by Marie51

[OCruisers]

Never go through more than one without asking for a change. ;)

LuLu

[paul929207]

We tell our tablemates the first night that if we are not there by the time they finish reviewing the menu, then we will not be there that night.

[spookwife]

Newbie question: what's the etiquette of dealing with your dinner companions (we're 2 at a table for 8, not knowing any in advance) when you skip out for other options? Is it "rude" that we not show up for dinner occasionally, without having told people in advance (i.e., when we're eating at the "upscale" restaurant, or if we're eating on shore and not double-dining)?

 

Also, what if we just don't find ourselves "clicking" with our tablemates? How many meals do we have to go thru before asking about a change?

 

 

yes it is rude to just not show up. at least let the waitstaff know so that they do not hold service.

 

you CAN request a change after the first night() and I have known people who have done just that)

[KirkNC]

Agree, otherwise your table mates are sitting there waiting for you as they usually want to get the tables order all at once.

[John Bull]

Most folk have the common courtesy to let their table-mates know, but it surprises me how many folk don't.

Even if one of you is unwell, it's no great hardship for the other to pop into the dining room & tell them. Gets you brownie points, and sympathy too. If something does prevent you letting them know, for instance you make a late decision to eat ashore, make your apologies when you arrive at table next evening. But don't feel obliged to eat in the main dining room when you prefer not to - that's a courtesy too far.

 

If you don't click, don't just keep your fingers crossed hoping that mebbe tomorrow will be better. At the end of the first dinner, have a quiet word with the Maitre D (or mebbe next morning if he's not around), he's quite used to swapping folk around.

 

JB :)

Edited July 15, 2014 by John Bull

[LA_CA_GAL]

We tell our tablemates the first night that if we are not there by the time they finish reviewing the menu, then we will not be there that night.

 

Same here.

 

If we do know that one evening we have other plans, we will also let them know.

 

Not that difficult.

[rkacruiser]

It is absolutely proper to inform both your dining room Stewards and your dining companions that you will not be at your table the next night--or whenever. I think I would still attempt to inform the Dining Room Manager if I choose at the spur of the moment to book or try a different dining venue on the day I did so.

 

Under no circumstances should you suffer what I suffered for an entire Grand World Cruise on HAL with a dining room table that was as unpleasant as what I ever experienced. It seemed to get better; the improvement ended; it seemed to get better; it ended. From FLL to FLL, this went on and on. While there were other disappointments, this experience makes me very, very reluctant to book another world cruise.

 

If you are unhappy with your tablemates, at the very first sign, before you leave the dining room that night, speak with whomever and tell them that a change is immediately needed and do not be satisfied until such is accomplished!

[SeagoingMom]

For what it's worth, when we changed tables after the first dinner on a HAL cruise, I made sure to speak quietly with the waiter at our original table to make sure he understood that we did not change tables because of him. I gave him a tip in addition. Perhaps this is not standard operating procedure (we had never switched tables before), but I really felt badly that he might think we left because his service was poor -- it wasn't.

Edited July 16, 2014 by SeagoingMom

[LHT28]

We prefer open dining that way you do not need to report to anyone if you choose not to eat in the GDR one night

 

If you do not click it is usually only 1 meal ..we enjoy meeting new people every meal...not for everyone ;)

[Cruisin' Chick]

We prefer late traditional and for the most part have gotten great or at least interesting tablemates. Twice the three of us had our own table (not by request -- one time we had booked the cruise eight days before sailing so we probably got the last table -- this was back when there was only early and late seatings; the other time was our last cruise when we requested getting switched to late because when we booked,there was a choice between early and anytime -- and we didn't like anytime dining).

[wassup4565]

Well, I feel I'm not moving in with these people for the rest of my life, and and hour and a half when people are chewing most of the time is not a big deal. Everybody is interesting in some way, and many people are actually fascinating because their lives are different from mine.

 

But I'm talking about a cruise of a week or so - around the world with dinner companions I really didn't like - that would be a deal breaker for me. I'd ask for a change.

 

I really like the idea of telling the table and the waiter, "If we're not here by the time the menus are done, we're not coming." Great idea! If we know we're not going to be there, we tell everybody in advance.

[navybankerteacher]

We tell our tablemates the first night that if we are not there by the time they finish reviewing the menu, then we will not be there that night.

 

This is a good idea - of course, it does mean that you have to make sure that you do not arrive late some evening.

[dancinman66]

I usually try let everyone know if I'm not coming as sometimes it means only one person left at the table which isn't nice

 

Or you go and all others are doing something else

 

As thread states it's common courtesy

Plus the idea of if not there by order

Time is nice I like that

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

[Calgon1]

Put yourself in the other couple's shoes. Would you appreciate knowing your tablemates would not be showing?

There are a host of valid reasons for requesting a change. We have only changed twice. Once when we were two at a table for six, and the other four didn't speak English (or American, to be exact). The other time, one couple were HEAVY drinkers and their manners (or lack thereof) made that first meal an exercise in patience. In both cases, the Maitre d' was very accommodating and the change was immediate.

You're paying good money for a memorable cruise. Why subject yourself to something that would make it miserable?

[cb at sea]

1st, don't assume you won't 'click' with your tablemates...everyone is there for a good time...so far, we've never had tablemates that we couldn't get along with! It will be fine.

 

 

If you KNOW the night prior that you won't be there the next night, it's nice to let your tablemates and waiter know. If it's a last minute thing, don't worry about it...you're under no obligation to tell anyone your plans.

[Fathers Babe]

My Father and I enjoy spending time together without the intrusion of other.

Requesting a table change has not been our normal procedure, as we ask

for our own private area or 'open seating' as it is called. Father is definitely my

Father, and I just have to let that be as it is.

 

Happy Cruising.

 

Babe, aka 'Father's Babe'

 

[A2Mich]

1st, don't assume you won't 'click' with your tablemates...everyone is there for a good time...so far, we've never had tablemates that we couldn't get along with! It will be fine.

 

 

If you KNOW the night prior that you won't be there the next night, it's nice to let your tablemates and waiter know. If it's a last minute thing, don't worry about it...you're under no obligation to tell anyone your plans.

 

I sort of it see it this way. I think the MDR staff are more or less used to proceeding on schedule rather than wait for stragglers. Back in the days of Dining Room or nothing, late comers were likely a huge problem. I think that with so many alternative options available now, the MDR staff have probably come to realize to not wait for everyone to arrive. I also remember the days when the dining rooms locked their doors - if you were late, you had better have a plan B in place.

[OCruisers]

Any Time is so easier ... no need to let anyone know anything in advance. :D

LuLu

[A2Mich]

Any Time is so easier ... no need to let anyone know anything in advance. :D

LuLu

 

This is probably the best answer!

[SeagoingMom]

I sort of it see it this way. I think the MDR staff are more or less used to proceeding on schedule rather than wait for stragglers. Back in the days of Dining Room or nothing, late comers were likely a huge problem. I think that with so many alternative options available now, the MDR staff have probably come to realize to not wait for everyone to arrive. I also remember the days when the dining rooms locked their doors - if you were late, you had better have a plan B in place.

We haven't had fixed dining since 2011 -- do cruise lines not still "lock the doors" (not seat latecomers) by 10 or so minutes after the set dining time? (They did on our first cruise in 2006.) If not, I can see chaos ensuing. Maybe this is one of the contributors to the industry-wide decline in MDR service we often read about on these boards.

[SeagoingMom]

It is certainly true that no one is "required" to inform others of their dinner plans (in this case, their "missing dinner" plans :) ) But how the MDR fixed seating works is not much different than how dinner with one's family or friends might work at home. If you would not simply fail to show up for family dinner or dinner with friends, courtesy suggests you should not do it in the MDR.

 

I feel one is under an obligation in terms of etiquette, for reasons stated by others: if you inform your companions or your waiter (or restaurant manager) of your intended absence, your dining companions know they can proceed to order when they are ready, rather than waiting and wondering whether you will show up. The waiter, wine steward, etc. can also proceed with their jobs without hesitation or uncertainty. If you know you will miss dinner, it is easy to communicate with the restaurant manager, even last minute, to let your waiter know not to expect you. And it is especially courteous to inform your dining companions in advance of any plans you have not to be at dinner on any given evening in the future -- sometimes they might want to "skip out" on dinner, too, if you (or others) won't be there.

 

On our first cruise, we had a fixed seating table for 8. The first night, six of us were there. We knew nothing about the fourth couple (nor did the waiter) so we waited the prescribed time for them, but they did not come. The waiter cleared their place settings away, and we ate. Then after this first dinner, we never saw the third couple, either -- they either opted not to dine in the MDR, or switched tables. My DH and I ended up enjoying a wonderful cruise with the one delightful couple left at the table for eight! But then, when we or the other couple went to a specialty restaurant for dinner on different nights, it meant there was only one couple left at the table. If this were to happen without advance notice, some pax might be disappointed or even an embarrassed to find themselves alone at a large table.

 

And this is exactly what happened to us on our first cruise. One evening our table companions made other dinner plans but did not let us or the waiter know. It was embarrassing to be unexpectedly alone at a table for 8 right in a prime spot in the MDR (next to the captain's table.) We wondered, and felt that others in the dining room might be looking at us wondering why no one had wanted to dine with us! (Remember, this was our first cruise.) But when we were informed in advance that we would be alone on a given night, we came prepared to hold our heads high, knowing we had not been "abandoned," but that our table companions had made other plans for that evening.

 

Then there was the last night of the cruise -- we had enjoyed the company of the other couple at our table so much that we were excitedly looking forward to our last dinner together, to wrap things up and to say proper good-byes. But when DH and I got to the table, we were told by the waiter that the other couple had opted to dine at the buffet. I was actually so disappointed that I cried. I was really saddened that I would not see these people again, and not tell them how much we had enjoyed their company and wish them well! Some may think I over-reacted (and perhaps I did), but this is how I felt.

[Onessa]

Our first cruise was on a very very old liner that had no options other than MDR. We were at a 6-top, with an elderly gentleman and his very "nebbish" nephew. DH and me, and then two young ladies in their early twenties who by all apperances all cruise were there to meet guys (this was a late-May Alaskan cruise in the late 1980s -- I think they chose cruises and cruiselines very badly :D). Needless to say, we were not exciting enough for them and they ended up requesting another table just about every evening of the cruise. That was the only time that we were "dumped" by dining companions!

 

On our first "modern" cruise, my DH and I (and by exension our DD) intended to avoid the MDR at all costs -- it was a three day "trial" cruise to see if DD was a cruiser. We had been assigned to a 4-top (alone) so DH informed the matre'de and that was that. We had the same intention on our next cruise but had been assigned a 10-top -- our family; another family of three; and a mother, grandmother, daughter and the DD's friend. We went the first night just to make our apologies - but the group and the waitstaff were so much fun, that we went every night and since then we have been hooked.

 

We request large tables and have met some really great people -- some very memorable, others just meh, only one set of "duds" among them: a middle-aged couple from Texas who only wanted to impress everyone else -- but even then we were on a six top DH, DD, me, a single female in her 30s, and this other couple. The four of us "clicked" and so we did not much mind the other two -- and once they realized none of us were impressed that they had flown first class and did not care what kind of car they drove, etc. -- they decided to do some of the specialty dining and we did not miss them a bit.

[catergirl]

"Then there was the last night of the cruise -- we had enjoyed the company of the other couple at our table so much that we were excitedly looking forward to our last dinner together, to wrap things up and to say proper good-byes. But when DH and I got to the table, we were told by the waiter that the other couple had opted to dine at the buffet. I was actually so disappointed that I cried. I was really saddened that I would not see these people again, and not tell them how much we had enjoyed their company and wish them well! Some may think I over-reacted (and perhaps I did), but this is how I felt"quote

 

as I have learned on these boards, that some people go to the buffet on the last night instead of the dining room to avoid tipping the waiters:eek: