More help with dinner reservations. Would you be party to my little white lie?

[SeaShark]

6 hours ago, Petoonya said:

If it helps anyone.

i know few people who don’t duck out of a party or dinner when they simply can’t bear to hurt the person’s feelings. This is family btw.

 

The situation involves my DS, DIL, their two kids and DIL’s folks. I have already prepared them for the fact that we might not attend. They said if not they prefer not to change the reservations.

 

The final decision is based on a cultural problem and a weak stomach. My DIL’s folks are from a third world country. It is their habit to eat with their hands as well as chew with their mouths wide open, so much so that chewed food falls on the plate. That’s when they truly enjoy their food. It’s worse when they are not. It has made me leave the table and vomit.

We’ve tried to accommodate but after this last visit my husband said no- make reservations for us at 9pm or he wouldn’t be cruising.  It’s his 70th birthday and my kids 10th anniversary. No other family members would attend because it’s a problem for everyone. It hurts my kids terribly. I open my heart to the folks but their dining practices truly make me hurl.
 

I’ll suck it up, take off my glasses and eat with them in the MDR but husband says he will feign illness or pay for an extra 4 nights specialty dining. My elegant and wonderful kids are saddled with a social dining burden and I’d rather let them know we are grossed out too, but do so GENTLY. This is the best we can do.

 

There you are. Again, no flames, no judgment. We all do the best we can. And I dare most of you with sensitive stomachs to break bread with them but postpone and try to soften the blow-
 

 

 

I do see that you are caught in a sticky situation, and I understand that you don't think you are seeking absolution.

 

Here is what it looks like from my seat...

 

You started off with "Would you be party to my little white lie?". Why do you need anyone to be a party to it? Then you provide the very descriptive account of the dining process you wish to avoid. It really seems like you are looking for people to support your side. You already know how you feel about it. You already know what you need to do about it. The question one has to ask is why do you seek support from CC? Lets say that all of the people here tell you that the way you feel is OK and they would feel the same way...Does that make it easier for you?

 

THAT is why I see it as seeking absolution.

 

 

If it were me, I'd just tell them that this is my vacation and while on vacation I want "dinner for two". You can do family dining at home anytime. No further explanation is needed.

[smplybcause]

Officially NCL's policy is to charge for no-shows and cancellations less than 24 hours in advance. Whether they'll stick to charging the 2 that don't show, who knows especially because of weird quirks in their booking system, but officially they can. I  would think the one you booked and will not go to but show up with 2 others would be way more likely to be charged than 2 not showing of 8. Especially since going from 2 to 4 would likely include a difference sized table while a party of 6 or 8 might be both sat at an 8 top. 

 

https://www.ncl.com/cruise-faq/what-your-restaurant-cancellation-policy

[thistimeplease]

7 hours ago, Petoonya said:

If it helps anyone.

i know few people who don’t duck out of a party or dinner when they simply can’t bear to hurt the person’s feelings. This is family btw.

 

The situation involves my DS, DIL, their two kids and DIL’s folks. I have already prepared them for the fact that we might not attend. They said if not they prefer not to change the reservations.

 

The final decision is based on a cultural problem and a weak stomach. My DIL’s folks are from a third world country. It is their habit to eat with their hands as well as chew with their mouths wide open, so much so that chewed food falls on the plate. That’s when they truly enjoy their food. It’s worse when they are not. It has made me leave the table and vomit.

We’ve tried to accommodate but after this last visit my husband said no- make reservations for us at 9pm or he wouldn’t be cruising.  It’s his 70th birthday and my kids 10th anniversary. No other family members would attend because it’s a problem for everyone. It hurts my kids terribly. I open my heart to the folks but their dining practices truly make me hurl.
 

I’ll suck it up, take off my glasses and eat with them in the MDR but husband says he will feign illness or pay for an extra 4 nights specialty dining. My elegant and wonderful kids are saddled with a social dining burden and I’d rather let them know we are grossed out too, but do so GENTLY. This is the best we can do.

 

There you are. Again, no flames, no judgment. We all do the best we can. And I dare most of you with sensitive stomachs to break bread with them but postpone and try to soften the blow-
 

 

 

OP no need to justify on these boards as you're never going to win.  Others here tend to offer unsolicited advice as you've seen here.  I believe your question has been answered so go and enjoy your cruise. 😊

[Peachypooh]

In an earlier post I described what I did to get out of a vacation with similar issues. However

it is much harder to duck issues if it is a family dinner obligation. Then I just grin and bear it.

There is one person who my best friend has to eat Thanksgiving dinner with every year.

He has similar table manners to what you describe. I think they eat before they go and just try to

sit as far away as possible preferably not facing that person.  It is part of being in a family

and IMHO not the best part LOL. As an aside my father knew one of my sisters had gross

table manners and when we went out to eat he would pick a place for her to sit. He would

always get a table in the corner and have her sit on the side of the table so she was facing the wall!!

[esm54687]

1 hour ago, hamrag said:

 

I think your post is heartless, lacking empathy.....IMHO, of course!😉

I have complete empathy, compassion, and understanding on how one can get locked into plans .....  however, there is a point that someone (and usually me in real life as well) needs to say exactly what everyone is thinking or too nice to say it.  The OP has described how horrendous and disgusting the father of the DIL is and has posted some pretty aggressive details about him across several threads....  so, with those details across multiple threads it was time someone just said it..... not to mention many other posters are saying the same thing (but maybe much less direct).

 

IMHO, of course!  I am actually questioning if the cruise is real and the OP is just trolling the board with a crazy scenario.

 

Edited January 27, 2020 by esm54687

[hamrag]

14 minutes ago, esm54687 said:

…..there is a point that someone (and usually me in real life as well) needs to say exactly what everyone is thinking or too nice to say it....

 

…..I am actually questioning if the cruise is real and the OP is just trolling the board with a crazy scenario...

 

 

I do agree, but sometimes it's the words that are chosen! 😉 e.g. 'big girl pants' is sexist and insulting; I have not read anywhere on the various threads that the OP has 'hatred' for the man, rather hatred of his eating (and some other) habits!

 

No, for me, this is not a troll....she has > 2400 posts for goodness sake, and is using cc as 'a shoulder to cry on'.....I personally have no problem with that, particularly when she has such difficulty discussing the matter within family!

 

Leave her be. 

Edited January 27, 2020 by hamrag

[smplybcause]

1 minute ago, hamrag said:

 

I do agree, but sometimes it's the words that are chosen! 😉 e.g. 'big girl pants' is sexist and insulting; I have not read anywhere on the various threads that the OP has 'hatred' for the man, rather hatred of his eating (and some other) habits!

 

No, for me, this is not a troll....she has > 2400 posts for goodness sake, and is using cc as 'a shoulder to cry on'.....I personally have no problem with that, particularly when she has such difficulty discussing the matter within family!

 

Leave her be. 

 

She outright says she does on the thread she created about disabilities and cruising in Alaska. 

[DinaS]

You won't get charged, and they won't get charged.  

 

To be honest, it's just not a very nice thing to do.  Someone else may have wanted a reservation for 2 for that time, and they won't get it because.... their table is already booked, but will remain unoccupied.

 

We had trouble getting a table for two at the time we wanted when we were on the Escape last year.  If I found out it was because of something like this, I would have been more than a little pissed off.

[Petoonya]

15 minutes ago, thistimeplease said:

 

OP no need to justify on these boards as you're never going to win.  Others here tend to offer unsolicited advice as you've seen here.  I believe your question has been answered so go and enjoy your cruise. 😊

I am very grateful to you and others who’ve shown compassion. it is a very difficult situation. Upon reading all of the opinions have decided that I will tell my son and DIL we will eat later as we prefer and join them for a drink at the table. we’ll just pay for the extra dinners.  Either that or we’ll change the reservations once we arrive.Lots of choices other than hurt feelings. I do feel that I’m going to get opinions and infinitum and appreciate yours and several others who show compassion for the situation.

13 minutes ago, esm54687 said:

IMHO, of course!  I am actually questioning if the cruise is real and the OP is just trolling the board with a crazy scenario.

 

I wish I could say that I was trolling but this situation is horrifyingly genuine. Dad is utterly self-centered and at times even cruel to his wife. 
My husband and I cruise Oceania every 6 months- We’re doing Tahiti again in April and while we can’t wait for our cruise, will be dreading our late May cruise with “family”. 
Thare some things in life that you just buckle down and suck it up. We won’t be eating a full meal with them on the cruise, and we’re doing excursions alone. That’s just the amount of buckling down Ive decided that I’m willing to do.

I’ll let NCL dining know when I board and take it from there. 
 

No need for further opinions although I know I’ll get lots. I’ve figured out a way to not have to “ white lie” and make things respectful to other cruisers dinner reservations. Thanks but I won’t we reading any others. 

[ksmcdonald]

I know this is off subject, but do you like Oceania Cruise Line?  My husband and I are looking for something different than NCL or Carnival.  When I saw your post that you mostly cruise Oceania, I thought I'd ask your opinion.  Is their casino fun/lively?   What about comedy shows.

 

 

[Petoonya]

23 minutes ago, ksmcdonald said:

I know this is off subject, but do you like Oceania Cruise Line?  My husband and I are looking for something different than NCL or Carnival.  When I saw your post that you mostly cruise Oceania, I thought I'd ask your opinion.  Is their casino fun/lively?   What about comedy shows.

 

 

No comedy shows, small casino. It is very understated and elegant. Gracious and unpretentious fellow cruisers. We love it, the service and dining particularly and the small ships only 600 passengers. A little more costly than NCL but worth it for the cruising we like.

[trish99]

I totally get why you'd want to try and spare their feelings.  That being said, some of the specialty dining venues are on the smaller side and tying up a large table for those of us who really do want it is unfortunate.   We were a group of 8 and had a heck of a time trying to get reservations at a decent time (before 9😉).  

[BostonGal35]

i would be up front particuarly since there may be very few tables that can handle 8 folks or they may have to wait to push 2 tables of 4 together.  if you know that one dinner will be 6, id have the reservation adjusted and that helps all of the restaurant staff and other large parties they may be trying to accommodate.

 

this is also especially true if its teppanyaki.  those tables only hold 8 and rezzies for that restaurant are hard to get.  

[ksmcdonald]

2 hours ago, Petoonya said:

No comedy shows, small casino. It is very understated and elegant. Gracious and unpretentious fellow cruisers. We love it, the service and dining particularly and the small ships only 600 passengers. A little more costly than NCL but worth it for the cruising we like.

 

 

Thanks for the input!  We just might try them for our next cruise.

 

 

[hamrag]

23 minutes ago, ksmcdonald said:

 

 

Thanks for the input!  We just might try them for our next cruise.

 

 

 

We have booked a Bermuda cruise on Insignia, our first try at Oceania, with a better itinerary than NCL and the pricing is broadly similar.

[MotownVoice]

The subjects being family changes nothing for me.  If anything, it's even MORE reason to just lay out boundaries and do what you and your husband want.

 

[Georgia_Peaches]

OP I haven't read the other threads that some have referenced but I do have a few questions:

Have the in laws ever cruised before?  It would seem to me that such eating practices would not be allowed in the dining rooms.  I would think that such behavior would be admonished by the maitre' d or someone else of authority as it's just not socially acceptable in this culture.  If I saw it happening, I would complain.  Even if you don't dine with them, and understandably so, wouldn't it behoove your son/DIL to inform them about acceptable dining manners so as to save them from embarrassment and potential problems when they cruise?  I can't even imagine how this conversation would go but I think it would be so much easier to educate them than to risk other issues once on board.  Just my 2-cents.  Fingers crossed for you.

[Greenpea2]

I don't think there is anything wrong with "a little white lie" when what that means saying something simple to get out of a situation rather than (no matter HOW you say it) hurting feelings by being totally truthful. In your case I would simply say that this is a special 70th BD cruise for your husband and while you are happy to join them in many other activities on board, you both have decided to have private time together at dinner. As a couple. Who would be hurt by that? And when you get down to it, it is NOT a lie because that's what you want to do!

[Gershep]

Tell them you want to go to an early show and eat dinner late.

[2+2]

On the Norwegian web site,  look at frequently asked questions.  It clearly states that you are responsible to pay for no-shows. But they do have a cancellation policy.  Check it out.

[GettotheSun]

2 hours ago, Georgia_Peaches said:

OP I haven't read the other threads that some have referenced but I do have a few questions:

Have the in laws ever cruised before?  It would seem to me that such eating practices would not be allowed in the dining rooms.  I would think that such behavior would be admonished by the maitre' d or someone else of authority as it's just not socially acceptable in this culture.  If I saw it happening, I would complain.  Even if you don't dine with them, and understandably so, wouldn't it behoove your son/DIL to inform them about acceptable dining manners so as to save them from embarrassment and potential problems when they cruise?  I can't even imagine how this conversation would go but I think it would be so much easier to educate them than to risk other issues once on board.  Just my 2-cents.  Fingers crossed for you.

 

I agree.  I would complain if one or more people were eating with their hands, or at least asked to be moved.  That's a bit too real for me on vacation.

 

[Petoonya]

6 hours ago, hamrag said:

 

We have booked a Bermuda cruise on Insignia, our first try at Oceania, with a better itinerary than NCL and the pricing is broadly similar.

You’ll love it. The ship, the people, staff, small population, 4.8/5 dining. We cruised last on O 15 years ago and that was the end of Celebrity for us. And you are right pricing is not far off NCL. Ours in April is Tahiti- Hawaii- SF for 18 days on Regatta. Been  doing same itinerary yearly for last 5 years. Have become Tahiti-philes. If you decide you like small ships try to get in on a special with Windstar too- unbelievably perfect in every way. Did a Mediterranean on Insignia- lovely ship.

Have a wonderful cruise!

[Petoonya]

1 hour ago, 2+2 said:

On the Norwegian web site,  look at frequently asked questions.  It clearly states that you are responsible to pay for no-shows. But they do have a cancellation policy.  Check it out.

thanks so much. helps a lot! 

[Petoonya]

2 hours ago, Greenpea2 said:

I don't think there is anything wrong with "a little white lie" when what that means saying something simple to get out of a situation rather than (no matter HOW you say it) hurting feelings by being totally truthful. In your case I would simply say that this is a special 70th BD cruise for your husband and while you are happy to join them in many other activities on board, you both have decided to have private time together at dinner. As a couple. Who would be hurt by that? And when you get down to it, it is NOT a lie because that's what you want to do!

Awwww- your understanding and thoughtfulness overwhelms me. Thanks!

[Petoonya]

3 hours ago, Georgia_Peaches said:

OP I haven't read the other threads that some have referenced but I do have a few questions:

Have the in laws ever cruised before?  It would seem to me that such eating practices would not be allowed in the dining rooms.  I would think that such behavior would be admonished by the maitre' d or someone else of authority as it's just not socially acceptable in this culture.  If I saw it happening, I would complain.  Even if you don't dine with them, and understandably so, wouldn't it behoove your son/DIL to inform them about acceptable dining manners so as to save them from embarrassment and potential problems when they cruise?  I can't even imagine how this conversation would go but I think it would be so much easier to educate them than to risk other issues once on board.  Just my 2-cents.  Fingers crossed for you.

Thanks very much for your caring. think I’ve got the right thing to do and all set.

Best wishes to you.