“So a Penguin, a Horse and Polar Bear walk into a bar on the Edge...

[tallyho8]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help
Me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
The table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then ." he said with a deep sigh, . ... . ... . ..

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[davekathy]

[PTC DAWG]

3 hours ago, ilikeanswers said:

 

I thought it was funny 😂. I guess my humour doesn't translate😜. 

All good...

[goofysmom99]

[tallyho8]

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".

[davekathy]

[tallyho8]

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

[leck57]

Quote:

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

-- Rodney Dangerfield

[lyndarra]

It is said that bald men are great lovers.

 

It is said that men with beards are great thinkers.

 

It is said bald men with beards just think they're great lovers.

[centurycruiser]

A man walked into a restaurant. They said “we can’t seat you without a tie.” He said the only thing he had he could wear as a tie was jumper cables. They said “ You can come in but, you better not start anything.”

[K.T.B.]

[tallyho8]

[goofysmom99]

[C-Dragons]

“Corona Lisa”

 

 

 

[davekathy]

[bob278]

[tallyho8]

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"

The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder. Those are friars!"

[C-Dragons]

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows each of them a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" he asks.

 The first blonde answers "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye". The policeman says "Well...Uh.. that's because the picture shows him in profile". Slightly flustered by her ridiculous response, he flashes the picture again at the second blonde and says to her "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says "Ha! He'd be easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving a stupid answer". The Blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment then says, "HMMMM... the suspect is wearing contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless, because he really doesn't know himself whether the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that is a good answer... wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that". He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow, I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contacts lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" 

"That was easy" the blonde replied. "He can't wear glasses because he only has one eye and one ear!" 

[centurycruiser]

4 hours ago, tallyho8 said:

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"

The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder. Those are friars!"

I don't know if these are the same cannibals who gave up eating clowns because they taste funny!

[C-Dragons]

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal”. The other goes to a family in Spain and  they name him “Juan”.
Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amhal. Her husband responds, “Dear, they're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.”

[centurycruiser]

A cruise ship is headed back from the Bahamas on its last night at sea. Right around dinner time, the captain gets on the loudspeaker.

“This is your captain speaking. There has been a mix up in our supply. While there are 1,000 passengers on board, we only have 750 meals for you all tonight. However, we do have an excess of booze, so anyone who is willing to give up their meal for tonight will receive free drinks for the rest of the cruise”

Two hours later, the captain gets on the loudspeaker again.

“Ladies and gentleman, I apologize but it appears we have run out of booze. On the upside, we still have 750 delicious meals for you to enjoy!”

[K.T.B.]

Celebrating the holiday!

 

[C-Dragons]

[LGW59]

4 hours ago, C-Dragons said:

I am surprised this has not been removed

[K.T.B.]

Asking for a friend...