Cruise Tips When Cruising With People With Memory Issues

[PescadoAmarillo]

You won't like my advice but... My advice is don't do it. My mother in law would never have been able to deal with it. She would have been disoriented and frightened. There's no good way to just "stop the cruise" in order to let her go back to where she is comfortable. It would have been a nightmare for everyone involved but even more so for her. We simply would not have subjected her to the trauma of a cruise.

 

Each case is different but this is something that seriously needs to be considered.

I agree, and give you full credit for being braver than I to say it.

 

I offer my thoughts from two perspectives:

 

First, my dad had Alzheimers, and, from the middle of his disease's progression, the familiar became very strange and scary. On my last visit back to see him (he lived across the country), I took him for a walk to a park we had walked in hundreds of times over the years. He was very unsettled and unhappy and it became very clear to me that I was repeating the memory for me, not for him. He would have preferred to be home.

 

Second, we were on a HAL ship when a woman with Alzheimers went missing. It was horribly frightening- her family was extremely shaken, and the crew had to do a full alert search of the ship for her. Her daughter told me later that they tried to have someone with her all the time, but attention was diverted for just a minute and she disappeared (but was later found, frightened and rattled).

 

Every family situation is different, of course, but I am simply giving you my perspective based on personal experience.

[FritzG]

I have to agree that this is might not be a good idea. My mother is struggling with dementia, too, and she gets agitated and upset when her routine changes. She can still get along by herself in an assisted living facility, but if we take her out for more than a couple of hours she asks to go back "home". Also large groups of people confuse her and make her afraid especially if there's a lot of noise.

 

If you still intend to take the cruise, you should definitely take another poster's advice to try a weekend at a resort of some kind to see how he reacts.

[indygirl99]

Another point to consider is how the movement of the ship will affect his equilibrium. This could possibly cause worsening confusion/agitation.

 

Is he prone to seasickness? Does he need to take meds for seasickness? If so check with his MD about what is best for him to take that won't interact with any other medicines he is already taking.

 

I feel for you and your family. With my MIL we had really great days and disaster days and we never knew which would be which.

 

You will have people tell you that you are crazy for doing this cruise and you will have people tell you go for it no problem.

 

Reality will be somewhere in between.

 

Take what advise you get here, some you already know and some you will say "I never thought of that", and make your best plan. Don't go in with high expectations and everything will be okay.

 

Will you have some scary moments? Yes but you have those now anyway. Will you have great moments? Yes and you have those now also.

 

Make your best plan and roll with the punches. I sure you are doing that now also.

 

Have a great cruise and make some great memories

[Thrak]

Another point to consider is how the movement of the ship will affect his equilibrium. This could possibly cause worsening confusion/agitation.

 

Is he prone to seasickness? Does he need to take meds for seasickness? If so check with his MD about what is best for him to take that won't interact with any other medicines he is already taking.

 

I feel for you and your family. With my MIL we had really great days and disaster days and we never knew which would be which.

 

You will have people tell you that you are crazy for doing this cruise and you will have people tell you go for it no problem.

 

Reality will be somewhere in between.

 

Take what advise you get here, some you already know and some you will say "I never thought of that", and make your best plan. Don't go in with high expectations and everything will be okay.

Will you have some scary moments? Yes but you have those now anyway. Will you have great moments? Yes and you have those now also.

 

Make your best plan and roll with the punches. I sure you are doing that now also.

 

Have a great cruise and make some great memories

 

Really? How can you say everything will be okay? Are you clairvoyant or even a medical professional? As for "making some great memories" I'm guessing you don't understand that Alzheimer's patients don't make new memories. You may be able to make some memories (most likely horrible ones) but they will be for you not for the person with cognitive issues.

 

This is really horrible advice from someone who apparently has no real life experience in this matter.

[indygirl99]

Really? How can you say everything will be okay? Are you clairvoyant or even a medical professional? As for "making some great memories" I'm guessing you don't understand that Alzheimer's patients don't make new memories. You may be able to make some memories (most likely horrible ones) but they will be for you not for the person with cognitive issues.

 

This is really horrible advice from someone who apparently has no real life experience in this matter.

 

I will take this as you are having a bad day.

 

No I am not clairvoyant.

 

Yes I am a medical professional.

 

Yes I am very intimate with Alzheimer's and have been living with it personally for the last 35 years. I can quote you every study (some that I or my family have participated in), every new medicine, therapy recommendation etc.

 

Because I have personally walked more than a thousand miles in those shoes and have more than my, or anyone else's, share of real life experience, I stand by what I said.

 

I am pretty sure a diagnosis qualifies as real life experience.

[Thrak]

I will take this as you are having a bad day.

 

No I am not clairvoyant.

 

Yes I am a medical professional.

 

Yes I am very intimate with Alzheimer's and have been living with it personally for the last 35 years. I can quote you every study (some that I or my family have participated in), every new medicine, therapy recommendation etc.

 

Because I have personally walked more than a thousand miles in those shoes and have more than my, or anyone else's, share of real life experience, I stand by what I said.

 

I am pretty sure a diagnosis qualifies as real life experience.

 

Touché

[Colo Cruiser]

Yes good question! I wonder if the Princess@Sea system, as it can be used to text between people on board with no charge, could be linked to some form of alert. Guess we need a 10 year old "Geek" here folks.

 

 

Whether it works or not a ship is not a place to try it. This person needs supervision 24/7.

I would not do it.

Traveled with my mom like this years ago on the Viking Serenade on a 4 day from LA. It was very taxing.

[suzyed]

My mom was in the same situation. We are Canadians so we put a paper Canadian flag on the door. My mom knew that sometime was on door and one day she was lost and an attendant helped her back to the cabin, she told him there was something on the door, he said "Oh, the flag".

 

I would mention it to the different cabin attendants on your deck and guest services.

 

I would get a lanyard with a plastic case to put sail card and cabin number as sail card does not have cabin number on it.

I was going to suggest a large magnet or sign on the door! Heck, I even find it helpful! A lanyard with his ID and cabin number would also be a good idea.

Even though you intend to have someone with him, people with Alzheimers are terrific escape artists! That's why they typically have a special code to get in the elevator to get off the memory care floors in Assisted Living facilities.

Good luck...to the OP. I salute your desire to have a enriching experience with your family member and to look for ways to help make you cruise vacation a safe one!

This will be a tremendous undertaking and one that can't be done alone...it will take a team effort for sure. Of course not knowing how advanced the dementia is, it's hard to make suggestions....but hope some of what we have been saying here will help you decide whether you should chance this endeavor or not.

Again...good luck!

Edited August 30, 2017 by suzyed

[yvr49]

Several years ago we did a cruise with the whole family to mark my parents' 50th anniversary. My father was in the early stages of dementia. ...or so we thought. Being in unfamiliar surroundings exacerbated his symptoms and he was extremely disoriented from the moment we boarded. Not realizing how bad it would be we hadn't taken any of the precautions suggested here . He wandered off alone and was found in the engine area of the ship, having vomited (and worse). He did not know where he was and it took a massive effort from the crew to identify him and return him to his family. Needless to say my poor mother did not relax for the remainder of the cruise. I have to concur with others who recommend you consider abandoning the idea of a cruise.

 

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[Lulubelle45]

Sailed 2 years ago with mom and its how my sister and I first noticed the early signs of dementia. Advice I'd give? Block the cabin door at night with a chair or get one of those alarms that go off when door opens. Mom got out when she mistook the cabin door for the bathroom in the middle of the night and of course it locked her out. Luckily it woke us up but in that instance she had gotten quite far down the hall. Putting a picture of your parent IN HIS YOUNGER DAYS will help him locate the door. Just remember that they function better with routine, and being on a cruise is far from routine so more confusion is certain. Consider hiring a caregiver, peace of mind.

 

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[WVBill]

For me, this thread has reinforced my decision earlier this year to complete an Alzheimer's Disease/Dementia Mental Health Advance Directive as part of my End of Life planning and documentation. Such documentation, done well, very clearly - and with the force of law - describes what I would want to do(or not) in this situation. Absent such documentation, we are left with the often clouded judgement of family as to "What would dad want".

[billco]

My oldest son had severe mental retardation and my first wife had early onset dementia. I would not have subjected either one to a cruise.

[junglejane]

I'll throw my 2 cents in with the doubters about this. We went on a "family reunion" cruise when my mom was 85. We didn't recognize how much early dementia was affecting her until we got onboard. Being out of her routine and put into crowded, noisy places (dining room, atrium, theatre, and anytime getting on and off the ship) made her cranky and irritable. There was no organized plan to keep tabs on her so most of it fell to me, and that made me resentful of my siblings who were enjoying themselves and coming and going where they wanted, when they wanted. When we got back home we recognized that mom's traveling days were over. For several years we emphasized short excursions (an hour or two to a restaurant or someplace she wanted to go) but eventually those had to be stopped as well. It got to the point where even bringing her over to my house for Thanksgiving was too much for her. She'd enjoy it for about an hour then she'd want to go back to her care home.

 

Another point is that you can't necessarily take what the dementia patient says they want at face value. When my mom was 90, one of her granddaughters was getting married in a "destination wedding" at a winery. Mom said a couple of times: "I wish I could go." One of my sisters-in-law felt that that mean we should do whatever it took to make it happen. As the person who spent the most time with mom day-to-day (as opposed to SIL who lived 800 miles away), I had to put my foot down and say no way. Yes, she wishes she could go. But she would be miserable 90% of the time if she actually did go. And taking her would've involved too many risks of injury.

[donaldsc]

There are several tracking devices marketed with GPS tracking and linking to your smart phone.

 

They will not work inside the ship because a GPS unit has to be able to see sky to pick up the satellite signals.

 

DON

Edited August 30, 2017 by donaldsc

[donaldsc]

I am going to be blunt and harsh here.

 

1) Don't do it.

 

2) If you ignore 1, you have to hire someone or probably 2 or 3 people because it will involve shifts to be with your 100% of the time. The person has to be a male because they have to be with them even if they go to a toilet outside of their cabin. The on-duty babysitter has to sleep in the cabin with him and never let him out of their sight. It is not fair to the rest of your family to be forced to babysit dad and other passengers are likely to ignore him him if he goes out wandering around the ship.

 

DON

[rentlady]

Memory units will post the resident's picture on the door so they know which room is their's.

[FritzG]

Memory units will post the resident's picture on the door so they know which room is their's.

That only works if they look at the door and if they recognize their own picture.

[GUT2407]

Hi all,

 

In December we will be cruising with my mother, brother and my father who has moderate to advanced dementia.

 

He has cruised before, but at last our last family Xmas he needed directions to find the bathroom in my house that he has been to many times. So I am confident that at some stage on this cruise he will get 'lost'.

 

I believe there will need to be a full time person nominated to accompany him going to shows, a walk, his cabin, bed, toilet etc. But there might be times he does turn left when should have turned right ...... thus 'lost'.

 

I would be interested in reading of any practical ways that others have found to manage people like this on a cruise and maybe point out some of the things we may not have planned for.

 

Should he wear a badge 'If found please return to stateroom xxx'?

 

Please note I am seriously looking forward to enjoying this time with my father, I would just like to make this as stress free for everybody including Dad.

 

Thankee in advance

 

 

I wouldn't dream if putting the cabin number on it rather something like 'Please page the Ship Elf, under the stairs"

 

And maybe rather than a sticker call into the hospital and ask for a few ID bands, less likely to fall off.

[Iamcruzin]

They will not work inside the ship because a GPS unit has to be able to see sky to pick up the satellite signals.

 

DON

This is where the Medallion would come in handy.

[caribill]

This is where the Medallion would come in handy.

 

Only if the person remembered to have it with him.

[Dobby_The_Ship_Elf]

I was going to suggest a large magnet or sign on the door! Heck, I even find it helpful! A lanyard with his ID and cabin number would also be a good idea.

Even though you intend to have someone with him, people with Alzheimers are terrific escape artists! That's why they typically have a special code to get in the elevator to get off the memory care floors in Assisted Living facilities.

Good luck...to the OP. I salute your desire to have a enriching experience with your family member and to look for ways to help make you cruise vacation a safe one!

This will be a tremendous undertaking and one that can't be done alone...it will take a team effort for sure. Of course not knowing how advanced the dementia is, it's hard to make suggestions....but hope some of what we have been saying here will help you decide whether you should chance this endeavor or not.

Again...good luck!

 

I would like to thank all people who have replied to this post. I have been tempted to reply to many of the posts up until now.

 

 

We think we have everything covered as we have already discussed many of the topics you have raised.

 

I was just fishing for that one piece of info that perhaps I hadn't considered.

 

FWIW - As a family we have disabled children so we are 'well drilled' in managing situations including sleeping arrangements, toilet/bathroom, dressing, dining etc for people who can never get a tick into one of the so called 'normal person' boxes .

 

However I particularly wanted to reply to this post by suzyed ...... because as you stated we do not know how advanced his dementia is, we just know he has always loved cruising and being with family ... we believe we are doing the right thing.

 

 

I live a long way from my Mum, Dad & Brother so every time we get together as a family he always beams with a big smile saying how much he enjoys us all being together.

 

 

Mum is going to be 'willingly' dragged off to bingo or 'Yumba' or while one of us is taking Dad for a stroll around the Promenade Deck.

 

Then again when he is sitting on his deck chair reading his book, he will have plenty of volunteer deck partners in our group .

 

I have a simple lanyard arrangement for him and will place magnetic signs in the corridor around his deck and on his room door for ease of navigation.

 

We shall also let the cabin stewards and restaurant staff know of his condition.

 

 

Once again - thanks to all for your kind words.

[Iamcruzin]

Only if the person remembered to have it with him.

 

 

 

That's the same issue with a GPS device or even a name tag.

 

 

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[Homosassa]

Please, just be aware if your father becomes belligerent and combatant in his confusion of new surroundings, a medical evaluation may be done by the ship's doctor and he may be not allowed to sail.

 

I did see this happen on a cruise (our cabin was across from the medical center and our door was open on embarkation day). The lost gentleman was brought to medical by the ship's staff and he was not allowed to sail.

[billco]

I would like to thank all people who have replied to this post. I have been tempted to reply to many of the posts up until now.

 

 

We think we have everything covered as we have already discussed many of the topics you have raised.

 

I was just fishing for that one piece of info that perhaps I hadn't considered.

 

FWIW - As a family we have disabled children so we are 'well drilled' in managing situations including sleeping arrangements, toilet/bathroom, dressing, dining etc for people who can never get a tick into one of the so called 'normal person' boxes .

 

However I particularly wanted to reply to this post by suzyed ...... because as you stated we do not know how advanced his dementia is, we just know he has always loved cruising and being with family ... we believe we are doing the right thing.

 

 

I live a long way from my Mum, Dad & Brother so every time we get together as a family he always beams with a big smile saying how much he enjoys us all being together.

 

 

Mum is going to be 'willingly' dragged off to bingo or 'Yumba' or while one of us is taking Dad for a stroll around the Promenade Deck.

 

Then again when he is sitting on his deck chair reading his book, he will have plenty of volunteer deck partners in our group .

 

I have a simple lanyard arrangement for him and will place magnetic signs in the corridor around his deck and on his room door for ease of navigation.

 

We shall also let the cabin stewards and restaurant staff know of his condition.

 

 

Once again - thanks to all for your kind words.

Will you be letting Princess know of his condition prior to the cruise? Have you read carefully Paragraph 3. NOTICE CONCERNING SAFETY AND SECURITY and Paragraph 4. RIGHT TO REFUSE BOOKING AND PASSAGE, CANCEL RESERVATION; CONFINE YOU TO STATEROOM OR DISEMBARK YOU of the Passage Contract, and Paragraph 8. YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO INFORM CARRIER OF SPECIAL NEEDS.

Also, It might be helpful to others if you report back following the cruise.

[suzyed]

I would like to thank all people who have replied to this post. I have been tempted to reply to many of the posts up until now.

 

 

We think we have everything covered as we have already discussed many of the topics you have raised.

 

I was just fishing for that one piece of info that perhaps I hadn't considered.

 

FWIW - As a family we have disabled children so we are 'well drilled' in managing situations including sleeping arrangements, toilet/bathroom, dressing, dining etc for people who can never get a tick into one of the so called 'normal person' boxes .

 

However I particularly wanted to reply to this post by suzyed ...... because as you stated we do not know how advanced his dementia is, we just know he has always loved cruising and being with family ... we believe we are doing the right thing.

 

 

I live a long way from my Mum, Dad & Brother so every time we get together as a family he always beams with a big smile saying how much he enjoys us all being together.

 

 

Mum is going to be 'willingly' dragged off to bingo or 'Yumba' or while one of us is taking Dad for a stroll around the Promenade Deck.

 

Then again when he is sitting on his deck chair reading his book, he will have plenty of volunteer deck partners in our group .

 

I have a simple lanyard arrangement for him and will place magnetic signs in the corridor around his deck and on his room door for ease of navigation.

 

We shall also let the cabin stewards and restaurant staff know of his condition.

 

 

Once again - thanks to all for your kind words.

It sounds like you have it covered! I commend you for trying to provide a lovely family vacation for all of you and it seems you have wonderful resources for executing your plan!

Just an aside: When we were dealing with my MIL's Alzheimers, we would not have had a problem doing what you are doing early in her disease, but later would have been too challanging to even attempt. You know your Dad and where he is at in his disease and I am sure you will make the right descisions regarding his safety.

Wishing you a wonderful trip and hoping you make great memories. Please come back and share with us what worked and what didn't so that we may learn from your experience. Thanks to you and your family.