How do you get your hubby to....

[2BACRUISER]

5 minutes ago, Hoyaheel said:

Relationships are about compromise. If you don't want to help each other out (in whatever ways make sense in YOUR relationship) why bother? I'm better at planning - my husband is way better at actually packing. We typically work together (many years of travel together = we've arrived at a pretty good system 😉 to get the job done.

That's lovely for you working together 😍but my DH thinks the fairies do all the hard work in this household from packing to bathroom cleaning lol 😜🤣 its easier than asking him to 'help' 😝 x

[frantic36]

2 hours ago, Hoyaheel said:

We typically work together (many years of travel together = we've arrived at a pretty good system 😉 to get the job done.

 

Hoya same with my husband and I, there are some tasks the other is better at so that person does it. But that doesn't mean that when circumstances change the other doesn't step up.

When I had bilateral foot surgery and had to keep my feet elevated my DH did the cooking. He did get someone in to clean the house but I was good with that.  

While he was unwell and under investigation for his chest/abdo pain the last 2.5 weeks I did the tasks around the house. 

Compromise and laughter including good natured teasing is good for a marriage.🥰

 

Julie

[MJC]

47 minutes ago, frantic36 said:

 

 

Compromise and laughter including good natured teasing is good for a marriage.🥰

 

Julie

👍

[CoolNickname]

On 2/15/2020 at 2:35 PM, barbaraanne said:

....get his clothes together for a cruise!?  Mine waited until three days before and then found out that half of the clothes in his closet didn’t fit anymore.  When you’re both retired and  you don’t need to dress up any more, it’s easy to not know if your dress clothes fit right after a year or two.  I had been buying clothes and getting ready for weeks, meanwhile.  Here we are, three days before and the few clothes I had ordered for him don’t fit either.  I give up.  Some men just hate to try on clothes and think about fashion and my hubby is one of them.....what do you do when this happens?  Eat in the buffet?  

 

My husband and I have an agreement. He makes sure we have money and points for one big trip, one cruise, and two smaller trips per year. He books all the airfare and hotels for everything, and I book the cruise. He gets a lot of points through work and through use of points credit cards that covers all the stuff he books. I plan what we see, do, and wear during travel. As part of our agreement I have him to get everything out a month before the cruise so I have time to look for deals online to fill in. He's gotten pretty good about doing it without my even asking now. It just is the division of labor that makes sense given the skills and preferences the two of us have.

 

If he waited until three days before, that's fine because he's an adult. Either he can find appropriate clothing by making a shopping trip himself at that point, or he can eat in the buffet alone. If he wants my help he does it on my schedule. I don't nag him about it, just ask once on a Saturday a month prior will he come try on clothes for our trip. He knows me well enough to know I would absolutely leave him eating alone in the buffet. We don't take that badly as I fully expect him to do the same if I were so rude as to delay like that as well. 

Edited February 19, 2020 by CoolNickname

[barbaraanne]

1 hour ago, CoolNickname said:

 

My husband and I have an agreement. He makes sure we have money and points for one big trip, one cruise, and two smaller trips per year. He books all the airfare and hotels for everything, and I book the cruise. He gets a lot of points through work and through use of points credit cards that covers all the stuff he books. I plan what we see, do, and wear during travel. As part of our agreement I have him to get everything out a month before the cruise so I have time to look for deals online to fill in. He's gotten pretty good about doing it without my even asking now. It just is the division of labor that makes sense given the skills and preferences the two of us have.

 

If he waited until three days before, that's fine because he's an adult. Either he can find appropriate clothing by making a shopping trip himself at that point, or he can eat in the buffet alone. If he wants my help he does it on my schedule. I don't nag him about it, just ask once on a Saturday a month prior will he come try on clothes for our trip. He knows me well enough to know I would absolutely leave him eating alone in the buffet. We don't take that badly as I fully expect him to do the same if I were so rude as to delay like that as well. 

I guess my husband of 36 years who has overcome stage III cancer and disability is just a rude jerk then.  Frankly I think that we’ve been through a hell of a lot together.  The fact that he just got his clothes together two days before the cruise I find fondly amusing and love him more for just being the person he is.  ❤️❤️

Edited February 19, 2020 by barbaraanne

[clo]

8 hours ago, Hoyaheel said:

Relationships are about compromise. If you don't want to help each other out (in whatever ways make sense in YOUR relationship) why bother? I'm better at planning - my husband is way better at actually packing. We typically work together (many years of travel together = we've arrived at a pretty good system 😉 to get the job done.

I notice you don't call them "hubby" 🙂

[clo]

3 hours ago, barbaraanne said:

The fact that he just got his clothes together two days before

But he does it. That IMO is the point.

[Hoyaheel]

9 hours ago, clo said:

I notice you don't call them "hubby" 🙂

I find that term puerile, so no, I do not use it. I'm also trying to be inclusive - not all women are with men, not all people in relationships are married.

[canadjineh]

"Husband" just sounds so polite and distant to me, lol.  In type I call him hubby, but technically it's "sweetie-pie" or "babe-a-la." 🌹  We are headed out on a cruise in just over 2 weeks for our 38th anniversary.  We both have health issues that randomly knock us down and the partner picks up whatever slack at home and that works fine.  He always does the vacuuming because I find it too tough.  He has his quirks (don't we all), I surely didn't marry him for his wardrobe either, and I was used to men who know how to dress (my family is Italian 😎.)  I am the one who does all the planning and purchasing of travel with input on what he is interested in seeing, because I actually find the prep and planning almost more fun than the trip itself.  

About a week before, we pull out the suitcases and decide what's going into them.  There's a bit of casual discussion before that time, but nothing too serious.  DH has only gained 2 inches in his waist in the past 40 years so no issues for fit in his wardrobe, me, on the other hand.... a different story - there are a few different choices depending on whether I'm at my 'fighting weight' or heavier from inflammation and swelling (auto-immune disease.)  I do tend to make suggestions so we can pare back on our packing, as he's not too great at mix-and-match and multi-use of pieces in the wardrobe.  He's sort of a 'cover all eventualities' kinda guy.  "Take it all because... what if you need it?"  I've also travelled internationally a lot more than he has, ever since I was a little girl in the late 60's, so I'm used to packing pieces that do double or triple duty.

 

[Hoyaheel]

I mean, the reality is - we all have different relationships and the most important thing is that it works for the people IN THE RELATIONSHIP. What you call each other, how you break down chores & pleasures etc. Shouldn't matter, shouldn't even be a subject to comment on because it doesn't impact an internet commentator's life....

 

To get back to OP - bribery. I think bribery works best 🙂 Carrot/stick might work, depending on your relationship 😉 But flat out bribery usually works best for us 🍻

[canadjineh]

True, Hoyaheel, just sharing a bit about our particular relationship, in no way disparaging anyone else's choices.  And yes, I agree, bribery (mainly pie in DH's case, which is fairly cheap for bribery), lol. 

[Hoyaheel]

Never disparaging how anyone describes their own situation! Just curious as to why some people's choices are criticized when those choices have no impact on random strangers online 😉 It's like the judgments that happen between "light" packers and "heavy" packers (even the words are loaded!) Do what you want!!!! But if someone posts for help to do something a certain way, why bother telling them they're doing it wrong because they're not doing it like you. The internet. Cannot be handled with logic 😉

[barbaraanne]

This post was just supposed to be a light humorous aside about getting ready for a cruise.  It was not meant to be taken too literally.  It was a jest to make fun of my own situation.  I wasn’t really asking for help...just making a joke...and wanted to see if anyone else “suffered” from my malady.  If this was something I took seriously I think we would have separated long ago!  The older you get the more you know how much you will miss that specific quirk and everything else about your mate when they are gone.  And that’s why I appreciate everything he is while we’re still alive.  

[cb at sea]

I get my husband to tell me what he wants to take...then I take it from there.  If we're not sure if something fits, I make him try it on....so that we have time to replace things, if needed.

 

I KNOW my husband will not do this on his own, so I make sure it gets done in plenty of time.

[slidergirl]

When I was married, we were both last second packers.  We knew that, if we missed something and truly needed it, we could buy it somewhere.  It never failed.  

I bought most of his clothes.  He was also one of those who had the metabolism of a hummingbird and weighed the same from the first day I met him until we divorced 35 years later.  He was tall and long arms, so once we found a brand of shirt that fit him, we'd go with that one.  He was a jeans and khakis guy.  Easy to buy for.  I knew what his friends wore, so I bought accordingly.   After we divorced (he traded me in for someone I have a rather derogatory name for), he still had to come around for some things (we still owned a house).  Once I got over the "murder/suicide" phase of the divorce, he would come for dinner when he was in town.  10 years later, he was still wearing the same stuff I bought him!!!  Speaks to the quality of the clothes and the inability of the new wife to do anything but spend his money on herself...  

[pacruise804]

On 2/18/2020 at 7:30 AM, awhfy said:

A month out we go thru the closets & decide what to bring. We both try on everything at that time, then it’s dry cleaner, laundry, iron.  Hang clothes that made the packing cut up in drycleaning bags. We’ve been married 50 years last November. He still manages to sneak a disreputable pair of jean shorts in, everytime 😂😂.  Just love the guy!

I knew you celebrated 50 years, but for some reason it didn't click until now that you guys married when you were 12 😉 

[CoolNickname]

21 hours ago, barbaraanne said:

I guess my husband of 36 years who has overcome stage III cancer and disability is just a rude jerk then.  Frankly I think that we’ve been through a hell of a lot together.  The fact that he just got his clothes together two days before the cruise I find fondly amusing and love him more for just being the person he is.  ❤️❤️

I don't see how holding my husband to the same standard of adulting I expect to be held to somehow makes me unloving. Because people were commenting I asked him what he thought and he is as mystified as I am.

 

I did mention right off that is the agreement my husband and I have. My husband is perfectly healthy. He doesn't even have high blood pressure. He is therefore perfectly able to commit to either letting me know in time for me to conveniently take care of any clothing needs he might have or else handle it himself. If one of us had a significant medical reason we couldn't do things the way we do them, of course we would renegotiate to something that works for both of us. 

 

Nope, I didn't call him my hubby in that post. Sometimes I do, but other times I just say husband. I adore my husband and given he really doesn't like to travel but makes sure his travel-loving wife gets plenty of travel every single year I'm pretty sure he adores me right back. He even regularly assures me although he never traveled before we met because he hadn't enjoyed any of the travel he was forced to do with his family as a kid he does enjoy traveling with me. I'm fairly certain he just enjoys how much I enjoy it, though.

[Alaskanb]

Your post made me chuckle! On our last cruise DH decided to try on his dress shirts the night before we were leaving home. Sadly they did not fit in the collar and I whipped out of the house to Marshalls and found two lovely travel dress shirts for him. He unusually was happy to wear them. He has lost a lot of weight since then so I'm planning on checking his dress clothes about a month out from our next adventure. 

[MJC]

My guy is happy to go all out on formal night and wear a suit or tux so I'm gonna let him slide on the stuff that drives me nuts as much as possible. 🥰

 

He's 6'3" with a 36" sleeve so that usually precludes any last minute shopping if he forgets something other than shorts or tees.

[crystalspin]

We're all different. I pack for my DH; my sister makes only circumspect comments like "you might want an extra teeshirt". 

 

I make lists and then spreadsheets (!) for packing and, depending on the airline, have even weighed each and everything we took. My sister and BIL take an entire LARGE suitcase packed with pillows and an afghan.

[RocketMan275]

Speaking as a male, trying on clothes is one of my least favorite activities.  It does rate above colonoscopy prep but only slightly.  Never understood why women think it's fun.

 

[clo]

On 2/19/2020 at 5:49 AM, Hoyaheel said:

I find that term puerile, so no, I do not use it. I'm also trying to be inclusive - not all women are with men, not all people in relationships are married.

Oh, I love you...on all counts from "puerile" and "inclusive."

 

And I've never heard a woman called "wifey."  🙂

Edited February 21, 2020 by clo

[clo]

2 hours ago, RocketMan275 said:

Speaking as a male, trying on clothes is one of my least favorite activities.  It does rate above colonoscopy prep but only slightly.  Never understood why women think it's fun.

 

I'm a woman and hate it also. I'd rather take a beating than go to a mall.

[clo]

14 hours ago, crystalspin said:

We're all different. I pack for my DH; my sister makes only circumspect comments like "you might want an extra teeshirt". 

 

I make lists and then spreadsheets (!) for packing and, depending on the airline, have even weighed each and everything we took. My sister and BIL take an entire LARGE suitcase packed with pillows and an afghan.

Try one of these scales.

[pacruise804]

27 minutes ago, clo said:

Oh, I love you...on all counts from "puerile" and "inclusive."

 

And I've never heard a woman called "wifey."  🙂

When she was alive my mother sometimes referred to my father as "hubby" and I found it sweet rather than childish🤷‍♀️ I'm guessing you really would have been annoyed with my grandparents who called each other Mother and Pop.  One of my aunts always referred to her husband as "Honey" enough so that I wondered if it wasn't a variant of his name even though we called him Uncle [First name].

 

I'm not sure if I've ever heard "wifey" or not but I think I have and I'm sure I didn't hear wifey or hubby as disrespectful terms for the person's spouse.