What do you like and/or dislike about sharing a table with strangers?

[Laurie S.]

I think i said to just sit in quiet reflection as a respectful curtesy. Not pray or do anything if it isn't in your heart to do it.

I have been taught to have respect for all religions. I don't have to kneel pray or agree . Of course you have the freedom to do whatever you please if you prefer to ignore them then so be it. No harm done.:)

 

I don't believe I was replying to you, but asking me to sit in quiet reflection while someone else prays is offensive to me. I will be reaching for the bread, drinking my wine, and talking with my friend, which is why we sit at a private table to avoid any of that bs.

[navybankerteacher]

Perhaps we have simply been unusually fortunate in the groups with whom we have shared tables. Of course, the lines we prefer: HAL, Cunard and Celebrity - as well as the longer itineraries- seem to draw people with whom we interact fairly well: aged fifties through seventies, interested in travel more than shipboard action - and, probably most important: inclined to like the experience of traditional shipboard dining.

 

Of course, there are a few weird onions among the peaches - but for the most part things have worked out well. From the attitudes expressed here by some who do not like shared tables, I am happy that they can go their way and do their thing.

[Beachdude]

I do not enjoy being the topic of conversation. I'm a woman and I definitely do not follow your description. I enjoy my solo journeys. I don't take tours unless it is someplace that is not feasible to go solo. I have no problems getting a solo table at any restaurant I visit when I travel. If I'm flying any distance, I'll use my miles and fly Business and have my own pod. Otherwise, my noise-cancelling headphones are on as soon as I'm on the plane. If I go to a bar, I get my drink, sit and drink my drink and that's it. It's just me. When I'm on vacation, I just want to enjoy myself and not have to ask or answer "how was your day", "that's so interesting", "I did...". I have to engage that kind of banal conversation day in and day out at work with my guests.

Thanks for the reply. I'm humbled you took the time to read my post. Still, I believe every word of those thoughts are true.

 

Burt

[Barrheadlass]

My first experience with sea-going dining was at a common table in a U S Navy wardroom. The rule at dinner was to avoid sex, politics and religion - made sense then, and still seems applicable.

 

 

Amen! ;)

[SewMuch]

It's a roll of the dice. You may get lucky and find nice dining companions... As Dirty Harry once said, "Do you feel lucky, punk?"

Yes, I guess I feel lucky. We've never had horrible dinner companions, and so we will continue to do traditional dining with strangers. I would not want to miss out on the friendships that develop just because of the slim chance that we may end up with an unpleasant group. If it ever happens, we'll deal with it.

[NLH Arizona]

I feel lucky as well, since I've never had any bad tablemates. I've been fortunate enough to meet folks from all over the world on my cruises.

[Hlitner]

We (DW and me) have really enjoyed reading this thread. Some of the posts have been eye opening for me and did cause us to reexamine our own experience. Over the years we have likely dined more then 1200 nights on cruise ships...nearly always at larger tables in the MDR. Once the Anytime Dining schemes became common we took advantage of this option..but nearly always ask to "share large tables." So now we can compare our experience (on 14 cruise lines) with some of the other posters. We have never, ever, shared a table with anyone who tried to push prayers or religion at the table. We have dined with 2 Catholic Priests (both of whom were great dinner companions) (I am Jewish) and any religious discussion was fascinating. We have learned about children, grandchildren, different political opinions, travel (always the major topic), wine, etc. Out of 1200+ nights we can only remember a few (less then 10) lousy tables.

 

When we read the posts in this blog, we are somewhat surprised at how many cruisers seem to express anti-social tendencies. This is not meant as a criticism...but just fact. Wanting to dine as a couple is not anti social...but not wanting to dine with others because one simply does not like dining with others,,,is anti social (by definition). When we travel we look forward to meeting lots of new folks..and perhaps making a few real friends (and this has happened quite a few times over the years). Hearing different opinions, and learning of the differences in cultures around the world (we have dined with people from many different countries) has been a truly wonderful experience. As life long frequent travelers, what we have learned at the dinner table has resulted in us booking cruises, taking trips, etc. When a fellow frequent cruiser (with more then 2000 days on cruisers) told me that their favorite cruise (ever) was a Celebrity cruise that went to Rio for Carnival....we booked a similar cruise that same night! (and it was fantastic). Our latest "project" for the past 5 years has been to quiz fellow diners on India. Its a country I want to visit...but DW would prefer to avoid. So we are always asking others if they have been to India...and their experience/recommendations. To date, the comments have been completely mixed..and still leave DW and I debating whether this should be in our immediate future.

 

After more then forty years of extensive cruising (and world travel) our most memorable cruises have been the ones where we made some interesting new friends. And most of that happened because we simply shared tables with others. Having taken far more then 100 cruises, we can hardly remember many of those voyages. But we can still remember every cruise where we made what has become lifelong friends. We are old enough (and we hope wise enough) to understand that everyone has their own likes and dislikes. But those that find the worst in folks (some of that has been expressed in this thread) are sometimes missing the good. One can quickly get a bad impression because somebody pressed the wrong button..but if you keep an open mind you might well find that your initial impression was completely wrong.

 

Hank

[cruisemom42]

But we can still remember every cruise where we made what has become lifelong friends. We are old enough (and we hope wise enough) to understand that everyone has their own likes and dislikes. But those that find the worst in folks (some of that has been expressed in this thread) are sometimes missing the good. One can quickly get a bad impression because somebody pressed the wrong button..but if you keep an open mind you might well find that your initial impression was completely wrong.

 

Hank

 

 

For me, this is the quintessential point. I can understand those who just don't want to dine with others. I get it, really.

 

But the amount of intolerance for small foibles of others is a bit off-putting in this thread. Talk about tossing out the baby with the bathwater!

 

Maybe I am just more tolerant than most or more interested in others' stories. :D

 

One great example: If I were to have let myself be "turned off" by one older (90s, by her own admission) lady's pushing others to join an organization related to her political beliefs on Evening #1 and changed tables, I would have missed the fascinating tales she told, on Evenings #2 through #13, of her travels all around the world, including traveling the Silk Road on her own with her 7-year-old son back in the 1950s. Her other tales suggested she had some sort of covert brief in the Middle East during the following decade. And she was a great storyteller.

 

Now, having read this thread, I imagine others commenting on her as follows:

 

"Boring old windbag, all she could do was talk about herself."

 

"Couldn't wait to get out of there! This old lady talked nonstop and most have slowed down dinner by a good 20 minutes!"

 

"So entitled. Told us at every opportunity about all the places she's been. YAWN."

 

;p

[slidergirl]

Has anyone considered someone wants to eat alone because they are very shy and introverted? It's insulting to call someone anti-social. No one knows the reason. I used to be so painfully anxious about meeting strangers that I would have to run to the ladies' room and vomit. I worked out of my home for my internet company and was so happy to not have to deal with strangers. I had to force myself into hospitality as a way to try to force myself to deal with strangers. I would prefer to not have to worry about my anxiety when i cruise.

 

So, I'm going to bid good bye for now. Those who have told me I shouldn't cruise have won.

[Hey Tina]

Has anyone considered someone wants to eat alone because they are very shy and introverted? It's insulting to call someone anti-social. No one knows the reason. I used to be so painfully anxious about meeting strangers that I would have to run to the ladies' room and vomit. I worked out of my home for my internet company and was so happy to not have to deal with strangers. I had to force myself into hospitality as a way to try to force myself to deal with strangers. I would prefer to not have to worry about my anxiety when i cruise.

 

So, I'm going to bid good bye for now. Those who have told me I shouldn't cruise have won.

 

I don't think it's insulting to say someone is anti-social. One of the definitions of anti-social is "not sociable; not wanting the company of others.". If you're insulted because that definition describes you I don't think the real reason is because "anti-social" is an insult, per se. You might have negative connotations connected to the word "anti-social" but I think it's basically that your anti-social-ness (is that a word?) is something you haven't come to terms with and are able to accept. I'm anti-social (not wanting the company of others, also introverted) and it's just one of the the many parts of my personality that make me me. In my opinion it's not good or bad, it's just me. Introverted doesn't equal bad and extroverted doesn't equal good. They just are.

 

However I understand that my way of viewing this and other similar issues is somewhat unconventional and when I say "you" I mean the universal "you" because I don't know you personally. To you I would say embrace your anti-socialness and take pride in the way you've gone outside your comfort zone in your professional life. I'm not a doctor nor do I play one on TV and I know nothing about having anxiety but if you prefer to eat alone because that's your coping mechanism/ way of dealing with it I think that sounds perfectly healthy.

[Slugsta]

I am truly sorry if anyone has decided they will not cruise because of anything they have read here. Forum discussions tend to be rather more vehement than those in the 3D world because we are hidden behind our keyboards. I think that most of us who state opinions here are probably nice, kind, respectful people at heart.

 

Whether someone prefers to dine alone, with their own party or with strangers is completely up to them. IMHO, the aim of this discussion is simply to air our views and learn about others, not to try and persuade others that our way is the only right one.

[bUU]

I don't think it's insulting to say someone is anti-social. One of the definitions of anti-social is ...

Why would you think that's the definition that would be the one people would comprehend in the context of the full message? When words have multiple definitions, the proper definition is the one that fits best in context. How did you arrive at the conclusion that that was the definition was the one that fit in that context?

 

 

 

 

 

 

This message may have been entered via voice recognition. Please excuse any typos.

Edited July 13, 2017 by bUU

[Warm Breezes]

Has anyone considered someone wants to eat alone because they are very shy and introverted? It's insulting to call someone anti-social. No one knows the reason. I used to be so painfully anxious about meeting strangers that I would have to run to the ladies' room and vomit. I worked out of my home for my internet company and was so happy to not have to deal with strangers. I had to force myself into hospitality as a way to try to force myself to deal with strangers. I would prefer to not have to worry about my anxiety when i cruise.

 

So, I'm going to bid good bye for now. Those who have told me I shouldn't cruise have won.

 

Don't let them get to you slidergirl. I had another poster on a similar thread tell me that I should be vacationing in an isolated cabin because DH and I like to ask for a table 2 with anytime dining and have recently discovered asking for a booth for 2 so we don't end up at those long row of tables 6 inches apart from each other. A poster on this thread said we should have joined the group tables when our kids were younger to help them acquire social skills. My DS(23) is now an newspaper sports reporter who interviews people for a living. He was his the team captain on his varsity soccer team in high school. DD(20) is going to college to be a teacher and is running activities at a campground for a summer job. She was on 2 Grand National Champion dance teams and in the Women's honor choir in high school, is now on a semi-pro basketball dance team, and is choreographing and teaching a dance for her university dance troupe. Apparently their social skills did not suffer because we chose not eat with strangers on our cruise vacations.

 

Being on a cruise today does not come with the requirement that you need to socialize with strangers during your meals. Years ago, yes. Today, no...thank God. Quite frankly dining with strangers on our vacation is not our thing. It makes us uncomfortable and we prefer to dine with each other or with our family and friends (if they came with us). That is our preference. If it were still a requirement to join others for our meals we would not be cruising as much as we do because it would take away from OUR enjoyment of cruising. Some people just can't empathize with anyone whose view point is not their own...but that doesn't mean they are right and you are wrong. We are all different and if they can't understand your desire to be on your own while vacationing, then that is their problem not yours. If you enjoy cruising solo, then you keep on cruising:cool:.

 

Quite honestly if my DH passed away before me, I would be the same as you. I currently go to restaurants all the time on my own for lunch at work. I have no problem with that all. I could easily see myself enjoying the solo cruises like you are taking.

[smakcanada]

Has anyone considered someone wants to eat alone because they are very shy and introverted? It's insulting to call someone anti-social. No one knows the reason. I used to be so painfully anxious about meeting strangers that I would have to run to the ladies' room and vomit. I worked out of my home for my internet company and was so happy to not have to deal with strangers. I had to force myself into hospitality as a way to try to force myself to deal with strangers. I would prefer to not have to worry about my anxiety when i cruise.

 

So, I'm going to bid good bye for now. Those who have told me I shouldn't cruise have won.

slidergirl, don't give up. I always wanted to experience a transatlantic crossing. So, I'm going to - by myself. It's a bit nervewracking, but if I let myself be swayed by comments from people hidden behind the veil of anonymity on a chat forum I would miss out on MY adventure. I would be happy to sit at a table for 2 or ten, and read a book, and if you wanted to do that you could too. None of us are required to follow; we can take the road less travelled and do our own thing.[emoji188]

 

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[Beachdude]

One can quickly get a bad impression because somebody pressed the wrong button..but if you keep an open mind you might well find that your initial impression was completely wrong.

 

Hank

Shesh, what a strange thread. Thank you Hank for the enjoyable post of your experience. As you were relaying your experiences with strangers at the MDR table, I was reminded that made many friends in the next cabin. We typically meet them on the balcony while leaning on the rail as we entered or departed ports. The discussion starts with a simple hello and many times one thing leads to another.

 

I look back on our chance meetings with folks on the ship and feel rewarded to learn of interesting life experiences. One couple has an RV for a home. They travel from port to port in the US and cruise between their drives. They have no kids an have been living like this for 20 years. Imagine the books they could write of their experiences. The husband of another couple from Holland had the life expectancy of a year, so they were cruising around the world while he was writing books. He was very spiritual. How can you meet someone like that and not just sit and listen. The simplicity of the words I write here appears to describe a sad situation, but in reality they are inspiring to us even now. We are blessed to sat at their dinner table.

 

What I find very fascinating is that if the discussion goes long enough, you will likely find some common connection with most people either by your job, relatives, friends or hobbies. That is typically fun, but not all folks like to get that close. Turns out that one family at our specialty dining table last October lives three blocks from our home. One would think that would lead to all kinds of topics, but not this family. They were a very pleasant chatty family with polite young kids, but when they learned that we live so close, they got very quiet. A bit awkward, but the other family at the same table from New Jersey were outgoing and enjoyable. When they saw we knew how to use chop sticks, they asked us to teach them. Aren't people interesting.

 

Of course some folks aren't interesting and maybe even a little off putting. We just quietly move on.

 

It is interesting how some folks on this thread are offended by the word antisocial. It's perplexing to me. I have learned from behavior experts that people are either naturally extroverted or introverted. But we would not know which by a chance meeting because humans learn to compensate. In fact, most people don't know themselves. Even though someone expresses extroverted behavior in the group, they may just be compensating for their introverted tendency. They don't even know that because they are the fun person in the room. Apparently comedians are generally introverted. The way a person can tell which type of person they are is by how they feel after being around other people. I am told that extroverts feed off the energy of people around them while introverts are drained of energy.

 

If this discussion has done nothing else, it has helped me reflect back on some really good chance experiences from meeting total strangers. While I know we met some folks we couldn't wait to forget, memories of them don't stand out.

 

Being naturally introverted, may I suggest enjoying the people you meet without feeling obligated to contribute. Just quietly listening with smile is a bold gift. And, being one who has learned to compensate for my shyness, take heart in the memories you may have created for long lives of others that had the pleasure of meeting you. Long after the passing of the passenger with only one year to live, my spirit has been lifted hundreds of times as I reflect at our dinner discussions.

 

Burt

[luvtheships]

Our experiences have taught us that odds are we're better off on a two top. For example, during one prior cruise, we were seated at a table of eight, and the family of four at the table never showed and never called to say they were not coming. The staff refused to take our orders until they waited almost a half hour for this family that never came.

 

This message may have been entered using voice recognition. Please excuse any typos.

 

 

 

And you never approached the MD to get this rectified?

 

You waited every night of your cruise ?

 

By the 2nd night I would have had this settled

 

 

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[Strophic]

I just want to note than "antisocial" has a strong negative connotation because it carries the meaning of being deliberately antagonistic towards others. I think the word that most people in this thread are looking for is "asocial," which simply means not motivated to be social.

[bUU]

I just want to note than "antisocial" has a strong negative connotation because it carries the meaning of being deliberately antagonistic towards others. I think the word that most people in this thread are looking for is "asocial," which simply means not motivated to be social.

Excellent point. I've used the wrong word between these two several times recently. Thanks for the memory jogger.

[clackey]

We prefer to be with other people. After 46 years of marriage we have covered every conceivable subject several times and I don't like to repeat myself. This one of the reasons we do not like Anytime dining. We usually get stuck alone. I like to talk and people are interesting. Over the years we have met some pretty diverse cruisers. One year we had a professional belly dancer seated with us. Then there was a detective from Detroit, a jeweler, a professional makeup artist who airbrushed models, ( yes, I asked for a job application), and a beautiful newly wed bride who sang like a bird. On RC we had another couple from Vietnam who's main topic was money. I didn't have much input on that one.

 

We were at a 8 person table with some retired school teachers. One of whom looked familiar. She should have, she and her hubby had the Kettle Corn Concession at Silver Dollar City in Branson. They had sold us Kettle Corn a couple of months before the cruise. The world is getting smaller.

[tip]

For many years we had traditional dining with other dining mates. Sometimes we enjoyed the conversation. Sometimes we did not. Once we sat at a table for seven with our high school aged daughter and friend. They were both very appropriately dressed and had excellent table manners. The other three adults just would not talk with us.

 

The straw that broke the camel's back was two women who always hit the wine quite hard before and during the meal. They kept telling us that they were just sisters and their cruise was a tax write-off by one of their husbands as they were scoping out a hotel in Aruba for a possible business conference. They belittled us because we had an inside cabin and they had a suite with a balcony and could not understand why we were not using the concierge lounge.

 

Since then we have been very happy with a two top in anytime dining where we enjoy each other's company.

[Bonnie J.]

There has been enough said/written about this post!!!! What else can be said???? I now just delete without ever opening!

[tip]

There has been enough said/written about this post!!!! What else can be said???? I now just delete without ever opening!

 

Hmm, you opened it to post the above comment!:rolleyes:

[julie3fan]

There has been enough said/written about this post!!!! What else can be said???? I now just delete without ever opening!

Bonnie, this thread only started just over a week ago, and it still has people posting, answering the question the OP posed. I find the comments (for the most part) to be interesting and informative, and (occassionally) funny. Your 4 exclamatation marks doesn't mean everybody else (or anybody else) thinks there's been enough written about this. The OP can ask for the thread to be closed if they wanted, or the mods can close it. Your option is to unsubscribe from it, or ignore it.

[Strophic]

There has been enough said/written about this post!!!! What else can be said???? I now just delete without ever opening!

 

If you're not going to contribute then why would you comment?

 

Would you walk into a restaurant and say to the hostess "Hi, just letting you know I won't be eating here tonight,"? Not every thought needs to be shared.

[navybankerteacher]

:D:D:D

There has been enough said/written about this post!!!! What else can be said???? I now just delete without ever opening!

 

Bonnie-

 

Please advise me of the topics in which you have no interest so I can alert you to any posts I might make on such topics - this way you would not even to delete without opening: just ignore them.