Dining with strangers

[Toofarfromthesea]

20 hours ago, Mike981 said:

 

I think I found her!

Just to explain what really happened. We were walking to our table in full conversation and she started in on us. We had a table for two. I didn't even notice her right off the bat because I was having so much fun with my beautiful wife. If she would have given us the courtesy of waiting until we were done with our conversation...why am I even trying.

 

I'm sure you know better.

How dare you pay more attention to your wife than her!!  😝

[RocketMan275]

16 hours ago, navybankerteacher said:

 

Of course, it is possible to phrase what you do in general terms - completely truthfully focusing on one aspect of your activity - without branding yourself.  A shoe salesman could say he helps people with transportation questions, a bartender is a host in the hospitality industry or a grief counselor,   a teacher, policeman, or  municipal bus driver works for local government. Simply avoid specific answers and redirect the conversation to an area within your comfort zone.  

A friend told people who asked that he was a "Southern Planter".  He was a grave digger.  

 

When once asked the same question by a woman, I replied that I was the Pastor of The Church of the Unrepentant Disciples of the Latter Day Saints.  She said, "Oh, yes, my daughter attends your church".

[ldubs]

On 1/24/2019 at 7:48 AM, pseudoware said:

"Where are you from and what do you do (work)?" is code for "I'm trying to size you up and judge you."

 

Sadly I have to agree there are probably a lot of folks like that.  But then again, if they are like that I really don't care what they think -- they can judge away.  Who knows, maybe they are asking because they can't wait to tell you what they do.  Haha

 

Seems like a lot of overreaction -- for most I think the "where are you from" and "what do you do" are simply ice breakers.  

 

If you really don't want to share your actual occupation, simply say you are an Amway rep and hope to spend more time with them.    

[ldubs]

21 hours ago, navybankerteacher said:

 

Of course, it is possible to phrase what you do in general terms - completely truthfully focusing on one aspect of your activity - without branding yourself.  A shoe salesman could say he helps people with transportation questions, a bartender is a host in the hospitality industry or a grief counselor,   a teacher, policeman, or  municipal bus driver works for local government. Simply avoid specific answers and redirect the conversation to an area within your comfort zone.  

 

What I don't understand is why worry about "branding" yourself.  Whatever occupation someone had was good enough to see them enjoying a cruise vacation.  IMO, if someone would look down at a shoe salesman, it is that person who has a problem and that person who I would just as soon not hang out with.  If you encounter one of those phonies, just roll your eyes and move on.  

[navybankerteacher]

3 hours ago, ldubs said:

 

What I don't understand is why worry about "branding" yourself.  Whatever occupation someone had was good enough to see them enjoying a cruise vacation.  IMO, if someone would look down at a shoe salesman, it is that person who has a problem and that person who I would just as soon not hang out with.  If you encounter one of those phonies, just roll your eyes and move on.  

I have no trouble about “branding” myself, but when first meeting people it can help the mutual introduction process if you do not immediately push someone’s red buttons.

 

 For example: you might be able to figure how I spent some of my adult life from my Cruise Critic name - I have run into people with an instant (call it unthinking) aversion to anything military or financial institution related. Better to see if there are commonalities before letting preconceptions run things.  (Come to think of it, maybe my CC name should be more neutral —- how does “Nice Guy” or “Easy Going” sound?)

[ldubs]

12 minutes ago, navybankerteacher said:

I have no trouble about “branding” myself, but when first meeting people it can help the mutual introduction process if you do not immediately push someone’s red buttons.

 

 For example: you might be able to figure how I spent some of my adult life from my Cruise Critic name - I have run into people with an instant (call it unthinking) aversion to anything military or financial institution related. Better to see if there are commonalities before letting preconceptions run things.  (Come to think of it, maybe my CC name should be more neutral —- how does “Nice Guy” or “Easy Going” sound?)

 

I get what you mean.  I just don't consider it my problem.  Seems like folks like to get wound up over almost anything.      

 

Anyway , I think "All Around Nice Guy" has a good ring to it.   

[Go-Bucks!]

On 1/22/2019 at 8:08 PM, lenquixote66 said:

Whenever I am entering the MDR on a cruise for breakfast or lunch I am asked if I want to share a table and I always say yes.

The first thing people tend to ask is "where are you from and what do you do (work). When asked do you ever embellish ?

 

 

Why would I??

 

I have no need or desire to try to impress anyone. 

Edited January 26, 2019 by Go-Bucks!

[K32682]

On 1/24/2019 at 2:36 PM, Beachdude said:

Must be very young as this is a strange response for a cruising forum. Not sharing a table is a relatively new option for cruisers.

It's a relatively new option but a much appreciated one.  On my first cruise 25 years ago the industry required everyone to adhere to the rigid "traditions of cruising."  Since then it has evolved to give passengers more choice. 

 

My experience with MDR dining has been decidedly mixed.  Too often there is an over-bearing type who self-appoints themselves as social convener firm in the belief their role is to set the topic of discussion, stimulate conversation and ensure everyone engages.  Or the person who is convinced their life is so fascinating they need to dominate the conversation with every detail of their existence.  Worse is the hypochondriac who discusses in intimate detail every affliction, procedure and malady they've had since childhood.

 

I'm comfortable making casual chit-chat with strangers but there are limits and I prefer having more dining options.  And while the two-tops might be only 6" apart there is a great difference between dining with someone or beside them.  

[SRF]

13 hours ago, ldubs said:

 

What I don't understand is why worry about "branding" yourself.  Whatever occupation someone had was good enough to see them enjoying a cruise vacation.  IMO, if someone would look down at a shoe salesman, it is that person who has a problem and that person who I would just as soon not hang out with.  If you encounter one of those phonies, just roll your eyes and move on.  

 

I look down on shoe sales people.

 

But that is because a lot of the time, they are below my eye level. 😄 😄

 

I am fine with whatever someone does. 

[Luckiestmanonearth]

2 hours ago, SRF said:

 

I look down on shoe sales people.

 

But that is because a lot of the time, they are below my eye level. 😄 😄

 

I am fine with whatever someone does. 

 

There are only two things I can't stand about people I dine with. 

People who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch

[October17]

I dislike answering truthfully, because I’m a lawyer working in finance. Then I almost always get asked about either the financial markets or judicial questions. And I’m on holiday 

[JMorris271]

21 minutes ago, October17 said:

I dislike answering truthfully, because I’m a lawyer working in finance. Then I almost always get asked about either the financial markets or judicial questions. And I’m on holiday 

 

21 minutes ago, October17 said:

I dislike answering truthfully, because I’m a lawyer working in finance. Then I almost always get asked about either the financial markets or judicial questions. And I’m on holiday 

That is a problem many professionals or blue collars have.  I hope you do answer truthfully if you choose to do so. Otherwise you may come across as a  crook.

Edited January 26, 2019 by JMorris271

[jagsfan]

3 hours ago, SRF said:

 

I look down on shoe sales people.

 

But that is because a lot of the time, they are below my eye level. 😄 😄

 

I am fine with whatever someone does. 

It’s been so many years since I’ve actually had anyone help me in a shoe department, I can barely remember being fitted. 

I have shared tables with attorneys, doctors, construction workers and bus drivers. We always had a lot in common with all of them, including a love of travel and especially, cruising. 

[Hlitner]

55 minutes ago, JMorris271 said:

 

That is a problem many professionals or blue collars have.  I hope you do answer truthfully if you choose to do so. Otherwise you may come across as a  crook.

Reading many of the posts simply reinforces what we posted (earlier) about many folks (especially those under 50) who simply do not have the developed social skills to easily interact with strangers.  There has been much written about those skills being lost because of the constant use of social media...to replace real life face-to-face conversations.  Just the fact that folks need to plan responses,  have concerns about questions/answers....simply shows the lack of basic social skills.  There was a time when nearly everyone could sit at a large table with strangers and simply get along and easily handle a conversation.  These days, it does seem to be a strain for many.   For us, interacting with strangers is fun (and sometimes a challenge) and is just a matter of thinking on one's feet (or butt) and adjusting to the conversation of those around you.    

 

I cannot even imagine having to lie or embellish a conversation.   Why?  But sometimes, depending on the tablemates one can have a lot of fun.  If somebody asks what you do and that makes you uncomfortable, you can simply answer "cruise"  or perhaps "rake the leaves,"  or "whatever my wife tells to do."   Humor goes a long way to breaking the ice with strangers and also is an easy way to deflect a conversation that might be getting too personal.  But this is just basic conversation skills...or at least it used to be :(.  One reason we love "Anytime" dining or open sitting schemes is because after a few days we often form our own table with folks we have met on prior evenings.   If we get stuck at a table with folks who do not know how to be social, we are always polite but will likely avoid dining with them on another evening.   We have been on plenty of cruises when we did not make any new friends, and we still had a great cruise.  But it is the cruises where we have managed to be a part of fun tables that are the most memorable.  And because we cruise a lot, it is not uncommon for us to some of these same folks on future cruises...where we usually end up dining with those same folks or at least meeting (often) for cocktails.

 

Hank

[Mike981]

Oh I have had a lot of different careers. I grew up (starting at eight years old) swabbing toilets because my dad had a janitorial company and I was cheap labor, free. I was on the radio for over 20 years and my family also cleaned the radio station for a few years so we could go on family trips like cruises and Disney. Currently I do voice over work out of my recording booth in my home, but a few hours a week I also deliver pizza so I can take my beautiful wife on a vacation. And to be honest, delivering pizza is a blast. Remember to tip your drivers! 🙂

No matter what I tell people, they always go back to my radio days. And if you think about it, all you do is sit in a small booth and talk to yourself and hope someone will listen. I don't care what anyone does for a living. If you play nice, I'll be your friend.

[Toofarfromthesea]

Another Social skill that is being lost is the ability to read the room(table).

There is a wonderful expression used in several Jane Austen books about the proper attitude going into a new situation.  You go in ready to 'please and be pleased'.  I find that having this attitude really stands us in good stead on cruises.  And life in general.

[October17]

2 hours ago, JMorris271 said:

 

That is a problem many professionals or blue collars have.  I hope you do answer truthfully if you choose to do so. Otherwise you may come across as a  crook.

Huh?

i do get a fair share of banker&lawyer jokes though 😁

[navybankerteacher]

3 hours ago, Luckiestmanonearth said:

 

There are only two things I can't stand about people I dine with. 

People who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch

 

Oh, yeah those Dutch!!!  Still, as long as we’re talking about THAT sort, how about the Burgundians?

[jagsfan]

And the Brobdingnagians! They’re worse than the Lilliputians. 

[lenquixote66]

3 hours ago, Mike981 said:

Oh I have had a lot of different careers. I grew up (starting at eight years old) swabbing toilets because my dad had a janitorial company and I was cheap labor, free. I was on the radio for over 20 years and my family also cleaned the radio station for a few years so we could go on family trips like cruises and Disney. Currently I do voice over work out of my recording booth in my home, but a few hours a week I also deliver pizza so I can take my beautiful wife on a vacation. And to be honest, delivering pizza is a blast. Remember to tip your drivers! 🙂

No matter what I tell people, they always go back to my radio days. And if you think about it, all you do is sit in a small booth and talk to yourself and hope someone will listen. I don't care what anyone does for a living. If you play nice, I'll be your friend.

I am likely a lot older than you because I have had a lot more careers.I sold Disability Insurance ,worked for the Dept .of Labor, reviewed records for Warner Brothers,notarized music contracts, acted in theater .I was also in Banking, and was a Health Insurance Frauds Investigator . I have been writing fiction and non fiction since 1964.I played 2 years of semi pro basketball .All of the above over a period of nearly 60 years.

When asked what I did for employment I generally choose one.

[Luckiestmanonearth]

2 hours ago, navybankerteacher said:

 

Oh, yeah those Dutch!!!  Still, as long as we’re talking about THAT sort, how about the Burgundians?

 

My comment was a line in the movie Austin Powers

[Mike981]

3 hours ago, lenquixote66 said:

I am likely a lot older than you because I have had a lot more careers.I sold Disability Insurance ,worked for the Dept .of Labor, reviewed records for Warner Brothers,notarized music contracts, acted in theater .I was also in Banking, and was a Health Insurance Frauds Investigator . I have been writing fiction and non fiction since 1964.I played 2 years of semi pro basketball .All of the above over a period of nearly 60 years.

When asked what I did for employment I generally choose one.

 

Very interesting. I didn't include all of my careers, but you have me beat.

[lenquixote66]

I did not list all of mine either,lol

[Cruzaholic41]

This is why DH and I request a table for 2 nowadays. When people get offended at things like career conversations, you just dont know what will be a trigger to these folks. 

[Hlitner]

1 hour ago, Cruzaholic41 said:

This is why DH and I request a table for 2 nowadays. When people get offended at things like career conversations, you just dont know what will be a trigger to these folks. 

So put me into that group that is not "pleased" with career conversations.  Yes, we understand that many folks define their very being by their careers and are not equipped to discuss other things which might be fun issue for a diverse table.  Personally, we have not desire to talk about our careers (until we get to know folks) and prefer lighter topics like the cruise, travel, etc.  Nobody on cruises gets offended by talk of the ports, cruises, ships, etc.  

 

As to your thing about career conversations, please understand that in many parts of the world this kind of topic with strangers would be considered rude and not appropriate.  It is not so much about being "offended" (I hate that word) but what is considered proper in many cultures.  This all goes to my previous posts where many folks, today, have no clue how to interact with strangers who may well come from different cultures.

 

DW reminded me of a dinner we had with a strange (not known to us) couple on a Celebrity Cruise.  Trying to keep the conversation light I asked the other couple what their favorite cruise had been (all of us had been on 100+ cruises).  He and his wife both agreed that it was another Celebrity cruise that spent a few nights in Rio during Carnival.  The following day we booked that specific cruise...based on what we learned at dinner.  There were no issues about being "offended" but it was all a fun dinner talking about travel.  I could care less about what my table mates did for a career (unless they choose to share that info) as we are on a cruise vacation where travel and cruising are the common thread.

 

Hank