Anyone in the same "boat" as me?

[HaliMakai]

I know this is random but just wondering if anyone else feels this way.  My parents gave me a lovely name, but I have always gone by my middle name, my entire 63 years I have been here.  I traveled under that name, work and still do work, filed my taxes - still do, got a mortgage, car loans, insurance with only my middle and last name.  Then 911 happened and everyone must use your legal name, or as they say your first name.  When you board the cruise ship everyone is so friendly and addresses you with the name on the reservation.  It can be quite funny sometimes, since my first name is "Merre" it is pronounced like Merry, it was a family name and it was my beautiful grandmother's name.  But the nice room stewards and waiters usually say, "Hello Ms Merrrrr".  so not their fault for the pronunciation.   I understand that I can legally change my name and I know some people have done that, but it is expensive.  I just wish they had a place one the reservation for preferred "Nickname" or something.  I feel like I lost a little bit of the freedom we are supposed to have in America.

[Ashland]

"Lost Freedom" I don't get it !!!

If someone mispronounces your name just nicely correct them.

 

My husbands name is Robert even though he goes by Bob and he could care less if he's called Mr. Robert by staff onboard.

[1025cruise]

Just tell the staff that you prefer to go by "X". 

[BruceMuzz]

On the better cruise lines, you often have the option of listing the name you would like to be addressed by.

Maybe you need to get away from the Walmart of the Seas lines.

[ldubs]

1 hour ago, HaliMakai said:

I know this is random but just wondering if anyone else feels this way.  My parents gave me a lovely name, but I have always gone by my middle name, my entire 63 years I have been here.  I traveled under that name, work and still do work, filed my taxes - still do, got a mortgage, car loans, insurance with only my middle and last name.  Then 911 happened and everyone must use your legal name, or as they say your first name.  When you board the cruise ship everyone is so friendly and addresses you with the name on the reservation.  It can be quite funny sometimes, since my first name is "Merre" it is pronounced like Merry, it was a family name and it was my beautiful grandmother's name.  But the nice room stewards and waiters usually say, "Hello Ms Merrrrr".  so not their fault for the pronunciation.   I understand that I can legally change my name and I know some people have done that, but it is expensive.  I just wish they had a place one the reservation for preferred "Nickname" or something.  I feel like I lost a little bit of the freedom we are supposed to have in America.

 

For reasons I can hardly remember, everyone in the family, including me, calls one of my sons by his middle name.  Kind of humorous when someone outside the family asks "who is that" when we refer to him.   Of course for travel & other business he uses his legal first, middle, last.  

  

[mom says]

2 hours ago, HaliMakai said:

feel like I lost a little bit of the freedom we are supposed to have in America.

I don't think it was physically possible for my eyeballs to have rolled father after reading that. Seriously????? How about just saying "please call me______"

[ldubs]

2 minutes ago, mom says said:

I don't think it was physically possible for my eyeballs to have rolled father after reading that. Seriously????? How about just saying "please call me______"

 

I think you might be missing the OP's point about requirements pre and post 911.  

[mom says]

I missed nothing. If the OP preferred to be called Princess Rainbow Twinkletoes, she should be allowed to use that on legal documents, because... freedom?

[klfrodo]

I was sympathetic to the OP's situation until they played the " I lost a little bit of the freedom we are supposed to have in America" card. That's a heck of a stretch especially when it would be so simple to say "Please call me _____". Thousands of people do this every day in life. Even nonwhite Americans with ethnic names.

[HaliMakai]

12 minutes ago, mom says said:

I missed nothing. If the OP preferred to be called Princess Rainbow Twinkletoes, she should be allowed to use that on legal documents, because... freedom?

Never ceases to amaze how insulting people can be on these boards.

[ldubs]

42 minutes ago, mom says said:

I missed nothing. If the OP preferred to be called Princess Rainbow Twinkletoes, she should be allowed to use that on legal documents, because... freedom?

 

I think you may intentionally be missing the OP's point about pre and post 911 requirements.     

[ColeThornton]

3 hours ago, HaliMakai said:

I feel like I lost a little bit of the freedom we are supposed to have in America.

 

I'm confused as to what freedom you have lost.  Please explain.  Thx.

[XBGuy]

I can empathize with the OP's situation.

 

I was a named after my father.  Instead of Big Xavier and Little Xavier in our family, I was Benvolio or Ben.  In school, teachers quickly learned to call me Ben.  In the workplace I was always Ben.  All my friends know me as Ben--most have no idea who Xavier is.

 

Unlike the OP, anything that is "legal" has "Xavier B. Guy."  So, that is what is on:

• All travel documents/arrangements
• My drivers license
• My passport
• All my financial accounts  (Although my investment advisor calls me Ben.)
• Property deed
• All medical records

So, while Ben is my preferred name is Ben, I am very OK when the dental hygienist calls me Xavier.

 

When the OP said that the 911 complicated her life even, more, I was confused for a second,  Then I realized what she meant.  The name on my airline ticket was the same as the name on my driver's license.  So, it was no big deal for me.  

 

I agree that my accommodations to my parents' naming decision 75 years ago has made my life much easier than the OP's.

 

I'm not sure, but I think the medallion system that has been implemented by Princess allows the passenger to enter a preferred name.  However, now in our fifth decade of cruising on various cruise lines, I have been consistently addressed as Mr. Guy.  I can't think of a single instance when a steward, or a clerk or a server has called me Xavier.

[Szt]

My legal name is Suzanne. I go by Sue. I used to hate it when people called me Susan. But I learned it's better for my mental well being to let it go. You just politely correct them, or say "for future reference I prefer XYZ". You can't change the system. The fact that you let it bother you so much is something you can change. 
As with almost everything in the US, there is the "legal" description and the one that is used. Our property address says one town, our legal address another. Maybe we should all go by our ss number. That is actually our legal, government issued name. 
So relax. Correct people once. If they make the same mistake again, laugh behind their back at how stupid they are. Maybe that will make you feel better. 😀

[Kristelle]

I'm not in US - but this mispronounciation thing is something that people from other  'non white mainstream' cultures with 'ethnic names' face in english speaking countries all the time - other people not pronouncing/ spelling/ understanding their name correctly and of course most don't have an easy middle name option to fall back on either.

 

My boss (Indian) has a name usually used for women in anglo saxon culture - spelt differently but pronounced the same - eg Leesa (not the actual name, just as an example)

 

Ive known people with  ethnic names which have 'silly connotations' in anglo saxon culture - eg Mehboob, Hardik (real examples)

 

people cope with these things

 

My husband has the common  mainstream name Kenneth - but like most people with that name he always goes by Ken.

 

if people reading lists, name tags etc call him Kenneth - no big deal, no hyperbole about losing freedoms - just corrects them if it is someone he is going to have ongoing connection with or lets it go if not.

[ceeceeDee]

Well, a person's name is their personal identity. I totally get the OP's point. She identifies with her 'nickname' rather than her legal name. That is her prerogative. My first name has been mispronounced by just about everybody all my life so I generally go by my nickname (CeeCee). Honestly, these days if someone calls me by my legal name I feel like I'm a kid in trouble about to get a lecture from Mum.😆

However, so far as worrying about what cruise staff call me, they can address me as Miss Rumpelstiltskin for all I care. It doesn't affect the service provided and it is only for a relatively short period.

And btw, I do correct people over pronunciation, but it doesn't always work/stick. Whatever, just don't call me late for dinner.😁

Edited July 19, 2023 by ceeceeDee

[GeezerCouple]

32 minutes ago, HaliMakai said:

I know this is random but just wondering if anyone else feels this way.  My parents gave me a lovely name, but I have always gone by my middle name, my entire 63 years I have been here.  I traveled under that name, work and still do work, filed my taxes - still do, got a mortgage, car loans, insurance with only my middle and last name.  Then 911 happened and everyone must use your legal name, or as they say your first name.  When you board the cruise ship everyone is so friendly and addresses you with the name on the reservation.  It can be quite funny sometimes, since my first name is "Merre" it is pronounced like Merry, it was a family name and it was my beautiful grandmother's name.  But the nice room stewards and waiters usually say, "Hello Ms Merrrrr".  so not their fault for the pronunciation.   I understand that I can legally change my name and I know some people have done that, but it is expensive.  I just wish they had a place one the reservation for preferred "Nickname" or something.  I feel like I lost a little bit of the freedom we are supposed to have in America.

 

You think this is "losing" a bit of the freedom we are "supposed" to have in America!??

This isn't what most people think of at the top of the list of "freedoms".  Or the middle.  Or on the list at all, for the most part! 🤨

Plus, you *could* change your name; that IS a part of your "freedom"!  Your choice = freedom!

And it's not so expensive.  (Or is there likely to be someone who contests your name change case such that there will be an expensive legal battle?)

 

And along the lines of other posts above, what in the world is wrong with asking anyone who calls you <whatever... it could be Rumplestiltskin>  to

"Please call me <your name/your pronunciation>.  Thanks!"

Perhaps bring some name tags for yourself to make it easier for everyone, including yourself.

 

You are an adult and haven't figured out how to politely and comfortably help others to call you by the name and pronunciation you prefer?

 

And if it's a "lovely" name that was from your "beautiful grandmother", do you really want to change it entirely?  (But that's a totally different issue anyway.)

 

Or you could get your documents re-issued as an "aka" (also known as) or "ka" (known as), although the latter doesn't seem to be your situation, as you *are* also known as both names, etc.

Those used to take just a few forms and affidavits, but that may be different nowadays(?).

Neither of those are the same thing as legally *changing* your name, and they aren't complicated.

 

BTW, my first name has almost always been mispronounced, and I always used a shortened "nickname" anyway.  And when the full first name is mispronounced a certain way, it rhymes with several other (non-offensive) words.  Thus, in elementary school, every time a substitute teacher did a roll call, as soon as they garbled my name, the other children would start chanting that long list of rhyming words... I hated it.  I've long since outgrown that.

GC

 

[Twickenham]

I'm confused by the whole premise of this thread. If your middle name is on your birth certificate, it's your legal name as much as your first name. My father had four names on his birth certificate, and went by the last 2 his whole life, including for several cruises. He never, ever used his actual first name for anything.

 

Why would you not continue to use the name that you have always used?

[ceeceeDee]

And to put the shoe on the other foot ................. Most cruise ship crews are international which results in a lot of unpronounceable first names. I remember on our last cruise one of our cabin stewards had a name beginning with 'M' followed by a lot of seemingly unrelated letters on his name tag. Turned out it was pronounced Moses (I asked his fellow steward the correct pronunciation). Much to my embarrassment I was calling our lovely waiter 'Gaven' for a few days until I discovered his name was actually Gayan.☹️😯 Bless him, he never corrected me. I discovered my error when I overheard other wait staff addressing him as Gayan.

[Shmoo here]

59 minutes ago, Twickenham said:

I'm confused by the whole premise of this thread. If your middle name is on your birth certificate, it's your legal name as much as your first name. My father had four names on his birth certificate, and went by the last 2 his whole life, including for several cruises. He never, ever used his actual first name for anything.

 

Why would you not continue to use the name that you have always used?

Because, when you travel (internationally, anyway), you must make reservation (and have matching ID) with your legal first, middle, last names.

 

Certainly OP can use her middle name as the name she "goes by" but, it's not the one that has to be used to identify her.  I agree - a simple "please call me XXXX" is all that's necessary.

[jsn55]

Some solid advice ... just train yourself not to care what anyone calls you.  This is a very simple problem with an equally-simple solution.  Nobody else cares, you're the one with the issue, so just make up your mind to not let it be an issue.  I'm not sure why some members on this board go on and on about their reaction to your story ... just ignore them.  Your feelings are yours, not anyone else's to be critical about.  If you fix the situation yourself, you can move on and continue enjoying the pleasures of travel.  

[cruisemom42]

Good grief.

 

Since about middle school, my son decided to use his middle name rather than his first name (there were about 6 other kids with his first name; it just made things easier for him).

 

Every time he starts a new job or travels or whatever, he gets called by his first name. No big deal, he just corrects them (or doesn't bother if it is a one-time interaction).

 

My sister did the same thing. 

 

Where I lose the thread is how this has anything to do with 9/11 and "losing freedoms"? People had to fill out forms correctly WELL BEFORE that happened with their first name, middle name, and last name. Everything from tax forms to social security to passport applications. 

 

Talk about making a national tragedy into your own personal one! 🙄

[Lois R]

My name should be pronounced as it is spelled....LOIS.....Lois. Many, many, many times the crew and staff have a hard time saying it correctly. Sometimes I correct them, sometimes I don't. I know they are not doing it on purpose. It seems to be the way it comes off the tongue and comes out more like Louis.

 

No freedom lost here, just a course correction and they usually try to pronounce it as I have asked them to.........

[JRG]

18 hours ago, ColeThornton said:

I'm confused as to what freedom you have lost.  Please explain.  Thx.

 

Perhaps the OP was referring to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness...which feels like it is getting stepped on whilst exercising a constitutional right?

 

Nickname or Preferred name is a data field on many forms and applications existing especially for this purpose.

Edited July 20, 2023 by JRG
updated

[Mary229]

Just now, JRG said:

 

Perhaps the OP was referring to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness...which has just been trampled whilst exercising a constitutional right?

 

Nickname or Preferred name is a data field on many forms and applications existing especially for this purpose.

Which constitutional right?  Cruise Critic is private property, they can exclude what they want.  Secondly people agreeing with you is not a constitutional right.  No one trampled, they simply expressed.