Article: "Five Stages of Travel Grief"

[Kartgv]

Just found this excellent article which describes very well what we've all watched/read unfolding on Cruise Critic and elsewhere during the past month:

Denial; Anger: Bargaining; Depression; Acceptance.    

https://www.msn.com/en-us/travel/voices/the-five-stages-of-travel-grief/ar-BB11HeDw?ocid=spartanntp

[leaveitallbehind]

11 minutes ago, Kartgv said:

Just found this excellent article which describes very well what we've all watched/read unfolding on Cruise Critic and elsewhere during the past month:

Denial; Anger: Bargaining; Depression; Acceptance.    

https://www.msn.com/en-us/travel/voices/the-five-stages-of-travel-grief/ar-BB11HeDw?ocid=spartanntp

...I believe they are neglecting the sixth one - drinking!

[clo]

Sorry. I thought the article was shallow and completely one-sided. The author works in the travel business so has a different perspective - IMO - than normal people. We're on day 16 of social distancing and travel is about the last thing on my mind - except for checking if I'm getting the refunds for canceled things. I went to the grocery a couple of days ago and felt like I was at a wonderful party 🙂 I really, really want to go out to breakfast. I want to go to our favorite Mexican/Margarita place for lunch. And I'm aching for all the non-travel workers who are out of work. I wonder how many have missed a paycheck and are about to become homeless. Well, you get the picture.

[Kartgv]

Clo, you're right about the complexity of our feelings right now and our many greater concerns, but since this is a travel forum, I think the article expresses our feelings about the travel issues very well.    

[iancal]

Perhaps because we are oldies or perhaps because we have traveled extensively for many years we do not find the article worthwhile.  There seems to be so much entitlement and blaming others for one's own  predicament.

 

Our approach is always to get over it and keep moving forward.  Deal with the here and now.  This self pity business is pointless.  No use crying over foregone fares or inconvenience.  Forget about the whatifs and the ifonlys.   And perhaps learn from the experience.  And spend some quality time in the mirror asking yourself why you were not better prepared to accept travel interuptions.

Edited March 30, 2020 by iancal

[cruisemom42]

I think folks are being a bit harsh. Travel is (or was) this person's job, livelihood, and clearly something she is/was passionate about. Grief is grief -- it doesn't have to be rational. And just because she writes lightly doesn't mean that she doesn't feel intensely about it.

 

I also feel some grief over the current situation. Yes I am fine and healthy and working remotely with little likelihood of losing my job. But does that mean I can't miss the cruise I was supposed to take to Japan next month, or worry about whether or not the trips I have planned in August or October will come to pass?  A good deal of the enjoyment in my daily life comes from thinking about/planning/dreaming over my upcoming travels. And I miss that -- I really do.

 

[iancal]

We are still planning and dreaming.   If things clear up by Nov. we hope to do a land tour to Morocco for a few weeks in Oct/Nov.  Plus somewhere else before or after for a month, perhaps longer.   So we have started the basics.  We certainly won't make any firm plans but we will have a good idea of the where we plan to go, where we plan to stay, and for how long.   We are doing the same next winter.  Thinking about it, narrowing down to two choices, and then completing the research.   Library is closed but we can still order any travel books that we want from Amazon, etc.   And if we cannot go, then so be it.  There is always the following year.

 

No cruises though, not even last minute.  Perhaps a ferry or two though.

[FredT]

3 hours ago, Kartgv said:

 

Denial; Anger: Bargaining; Depression; Acceptance.    

 

Actually, having JUST come off a cruise on March 5, I find this sort of accurate.  For the first time in about 15 years I do NOT have a cruise planned for the coming year (2021) and after being depressed about it I am now accepting, and have actively begun to research domestic "walk abouts"  in the west for next February/March.  Not that I am fearful about catching the virus (If we did not get it wandering Italy for a week, or during 17 days on a cruise ship in the Med... we NEVER will!) but the uncertainty of the future of the cruise lines coupled with the uncertainty of any given itinerary, (And the higher prices currently being quoted) is just a bit too much for me at this time.

 

Well, maybe 2022!

[getting older slowly]

Denial;

It will be right…..it will blow over quickly     lol

 

Anger:

Ohhhh…. Can’t go on my cruises now ..

 

Bargaining;

Arrrrr… could do a land base holiday…. Could get cheap rates…… 

 

Ohhh the boarders are closed    

 

Depression;

Not going anywhere….  Can’t even go for a drive….. in the nice car

 

Acceptance.    

Time to look at all the photos of my holidays and make another Photobook

 

And time for a nice G&T

 

And maybe the cruises late in the year will go ahead

 

 

Cheers Don

[flowslow]

9 hours ago, iancal said:

Perhaps because we are oldies or perhaps because we have traveled extensively for many years we do not find the article worthwhile.  There seems to be so much entitlement and blaming others for one's own  predicament.

 

Our approach is always to get over it and keep moving forward.  Deal with the here and now.  This self pity business is pointless.  No use crying over foregone fares or inconvenience.  Forget about the whatifs and the ifonlys.   And perhaps learn from the experience.  And spend some quality time in the mirror asking yourself why you were not better prepared to accept travel interuptions.

 

Great outlook! I agree that there is no use brooding over the past. It's always nice to be flexible. This might just be a bump in the road but you can definitely learn from it. This is not permanent and we'll definitely get back to cruising and travelling in the future, hopefully soon! 

[Roger88]

Thank you very much for the article. It was worth reading even though I am sure many readers recognized themsleves. In some way this article is sensless cause we all know how we feel about this or any other particular situation. Anger? For sure. Acceptance? Anyone sees it under a different angle? Not sure. All I want to say that its not that hard to do an analytical overview of the current situation. Every second post speaks of the V word, and every third about cruise cancelations.. 

[evandbob]

These 5 stages have long been used to describe how people grieve the loss of someone close to them.  It had been expanded to define how folks in early addiction recovery view their relationship to alcohol or drugs.

 

It is not a linear progression, meaning that one can go through the first 2 or 3 stages, then revert back to the first one.  This model also allows someone to be in 2 or more stages at the same time.

 

I guess it can be applied to the loss of travel, even if tongue in cheek.  I do believe that the severity of feelings that occur when grieving are hundreds of times more powerful than the loss of a week's vacation on a cruise ship.  At least I hope so.

Edited March 31, 2020 by evandbob

[Markanddonna]

I agree with those who can't really relate to the article written by someone in the travel industry. The disappointing cruise I had in early-mid Feb prepared me emotionally to have little/no desire for any sort of travel for a while, esp. on a cruise ship. I'm typically a "logical brained" rather than emotional sort of person and that probably helps. I look at the blessings of our past travel, the nice home I have with enough food, the ability to interact socially via technology, and the companionship of my husband of 47 years.

 

I'm approaching 70 and in good health and was looking forward to traveling during my healthy years before my inevitable decline. Now, that joy is on hiatus and has to be replaced with other activities. 

 

Like many, the ways I used my time is now very different. Trip planning doesn't exist as it seems pointless in March, 2020. I don't want to set myself up for the emotional disappointment.The travel book I was just ready to publish is now on hold indefinitely since I would have to rewrite it with a new point of view  health and safety in travel. My work as a year round volunteer is on hiatus since it involved meeting the public and speaking engagements. 

 

So, I had two stages: a growing realization of the seriousness of COVID 19 and acceptance.  I was never in denial, or negotiating and was certainly not angry. 

 

We have to hold all things loosely in our hands, including the gift of travel. 

[iancal]

It is only a cruise and you will most likely be able to enjoy one next year.  Why not look at like you might have dodged a bullet and are thankful that you are not on any of the remaining ships that have been hit with the virus and floating around looking for  a port to accept them.  Or stuck in a hospital on a ventilator.     

 

We had to change our land plans to arrange for our trip home earlier than planned.  It was about five minutes thinking about how we should respond.  The rest of the time  and focus was spent on a new plan A, arranging for air home, and a plan B if the flights were cancelled by the time our departure day arrived.

 

We not even consider the poor us business.  Too busy trying to come up with a plan and a backup plan.  Now...we are thinking about a fall trip and a trip next winter.  Not moaning and groaning because we are in self isolation or feeling sorry for ourselves.   I don't understand this business of not wanting to travel any more just because of a minor blip.   

 

Seems to me that was an article designed purely to take up column space in the mag.  Must have been a slow day, slow week for the editor.  Really, how silly is it to compare the stages of grieving a death to the cancellation of a cruise.

Edited March 31, 2020 by iancal

[ldubs]

3 hours ago, Markanddonna said:

 

I'm approaching 70 and in good health and was looking forward to traveling during my healthy years before my inevitable decline. Now, that joy is on hiatus and has to be replaced with other activities. 

 

 

I, and I'm sure many others, can relate to this.   I am looking forward to travel and a whole bunch of other activities that we enjoy.  Unfortunately, under our current circumstance with the lock down other activities are not really an option.   Well, unless other options like gin rummy marathons with Mrs Ldubs count. Lol

 

 

Edited March 31, 2020 by ldubs

[cruisemom42]

3 hours ago, iancal said:

Really, how silly is it to compare the stages of grieving a death to the cancellation of a cruise.

 

Grief is not only about death. You can grieve many different kinds of loss. I certainly grieved the loss of my marriage, and people with traumatic injuries will grieve for some loss in their abilities to see, to walk, to live independently, and so on.

 

There are lesser griefs as well -- at the moment quite a few people must feel some grief: grief for the loss of a job, loss of personal freedom, or even the temporary loss of the ability to reach out and hug a friend or neighbor.

 

 

Edited March 31, 2020 by cruisemom42

[iancal]

Sad.  First world problem I guess.

[rkacruiser]

20 hours ago, cruisemom42 said:

A good deal of the enjoyment in my daily life comes from thinking about/planning/dreaming over my upcoming travels. And I miss that -- I really do.

 

 

Other than your last sentence, you are describing me.  Why not keep on thinking/dreaming about your "next trip"? 

 

Truthfully, as I was planning and preparing for my December/January cruises, given my age and current health concerns, the thought was always in the back of my mind:  "these could be your last".   Will they be?  God knows; I surely don't.  But, if the reality is that those 3 cruises were my last, I will still gain enjoyment by following CC, reading cruise related publications, cruise brochures (when I can obtain them), and considering what trips I would like to book.  I'll have to use my imagination.   But, I have been very good at that my whole life.  As a thirteen year old after visiting RMS Queen Mary on sailing day and paying 50 cents for a black and white interior photo book of Queen Mary and Queen Elizabeth, I kept imagining "what is it like to sail on such a ship".  My question was answered on July 27, 1970 when I stepped foot on Rotterdam V as a guest.  My CC signature tells the rest of what I thought of that experience.    

[iancal]

I am two years short of 70.  And yes, we will not be travelling anywhere for the next few months.  That certainly does not mean that we too cannot plan our next two trips for sometime in the future.    

 

Not being able to travel for a few months or even a little longer is hardly the end of the world.  Grief?  Well perhaps for some very self centered people who do not understand what those with real health and employment issues arising from this scourge may b be going through. 

 

Nor do we think that the dramatic/ histrionics from those only impacted by a travel cancellation or deferred trip is very admirable.  It takes away from those who are experiencing real problems-health, financial,etc.

Edited March 31, 2020 by iancal

[clo]

12 hours ago, Roger88 said:

Anger? For sure.

Really? About what?

[clo]

1 hour ago, iancal said:

Sad.  First world problem I guess.

Definitely. And it's really annoying me. 

[cruisemom42]

17 minutes ago, iancal said:

I am two years short of 70.  And yes, we will not be travelling anywhere for the next few months.  That certainly does not mean that we too cannot plan our next two trips for sometime in the future.    

 

Not being able to travel for a few months or even a little longer is hardly the end of the world.  Grief?  Well perhaps for some very self centered people who do not understand what those with real health and employment issues arising from this scourge may b be going through. 

 

Nor do we think that the dramatic/ histrionics from those only impacted by a travel cancellation or deferred trip is very admirable.  It takes away from those who are experiencing real problems-health, financial,etc.

 

A bit uncalled for.   I can distinguish between large and small disappointments and certainly do not consider myself self-centered. My small disappointment takes nothing away from those who are suffering major losses.  I would think expressing my sadness on a site for those who also love travel would be acceptable but apparently not and I'll say no more.

[rkacruiser]

2 hours ago, cruisemom42 said:

 

A bit uncalled for.   I can distinguish between large and small disappointments and certainly do not consider myself self-centered. My small disappointment takes nothing away from those who are suffering major losses.  I would think expressing my sadness on a site for those who also love travel would be acceptable but apparently not and I'll say no more.

 

I surely did not consider your post to be of one who is self-centered.  Expressing sadness is an emotion that I feel every time I watch a ship sail from Port Everglades or the Port of Miami with no guests.  CC is the perfect site to share our sadness with others who feel the same.  I am thankful that the site exists!

[Markanddonna]

27 minutes ago, rkacruiser said:

 

  Expressing sadness is an emotion that I feel every time I watch a ship sail from Port Everglades or the Port of Miami with no guests.  CC is the perfect site to share our sadness with others who feel the same.  I am thankful that the site exists!

Well said.  I find others who chastise other's feelings to be quite insensitive. Personally, I think most of us will emerge from this with a better appreciation for all the wonderful things we have or had in our lives. When someone expresses their feeling, they shouldn't be treated to a lecture from someone who doesn't know their situation or what they are going through. I don't have the same concerns, aspirations, or issues as others, but I can understand their sadness and disappointment during this time.

[rkacruiser]

14 minutes ago, Markanddonna said:

Personally, I think most of us will emerge from this with a better appreciation for all the wonderful things we have or had in our lives.

 

Yes!  

 

But, once this crisis has past, will we "forget again"?