Asking employees about their jobs and life

[Elaine5715]

13 hours ago, kerryincork said:

I find the whole offence at  being asked what you work as very strange.

I think it's one of the least private thing about a person.

There must be hundreds of people who know what a person does on any given day.

I can understand stand it if the type of job you have encourages people to ask for your advice. Or if you are a police officer I wouldn't want to get drawn in to a political discussion about the job. No when you are trying to relax.

I am in a profession that when strangers hear, want to share or "pick my brain".  So, no, I don't share.  

[clo]

1 hour ago, Elaine5715 said:

Then that cruiser repeats the conversation to others at the table repeatedly..  "He said he had five children, can't you believe that? I would kill my husband if he left me at home with five kids.  Can YOU believe he has five children and HERE he is onboard a ship SAILING around the Caribbean while his wife is home ALONE"....  and on and on....   

Is this the kind of thing you've actually experienced? 

[Cruzaholic41]

1 hour ago, Elaine5715 said:

Then that cruiser repeats the conversation to others at the table repeatedly..  "He said he had five children, can't you believe that? I would kill my husband if he left me at home with five kids.  Can YOU believe he has five children and HERE he is onboard a ship SAILING around the Caribbean while his wife is home ALONE"....  and on and on....   

 

To repeat a previous post - what a bunch of crap. If that actually happened, it’s so far from how normal people act that it’s ludicrous to suggest everyone who has a personal conversation is like that. 

[kerryincork]

2 hours ago, Elaine5715 said:

I am in a profession that when strangers hear, want to share or "pick my brain".  So, no, I don't share.  

I perfectly understand. When I was in my 20's, I always got asked 'where I came from really?' because they never believed my actual answer. I came up with alsorts of nonsense answers. But now many years later I still get asked the same question but it doesn't bother me anymore.

 

And about work, I don't tell people who I work for, though I happily tell them what I do. They quickly get a glazed look in the eye and move on.

 

What annoys me about the comments on here are the 'nosey parkers who can't take a hint', are very negative, and in the real world as they are described here very rare. I take an interest in people. I would consider myself an excellent conversationalist, easily able to note when I have wondered in sensistive territory and able to steer back in to safer waters.

 

I don't sit a dinner table with bright light shinning it peoples eyes demanding they tell me all. Its meant to be a light conversation that passes the dinner hour by..

.

 

 

[donaldsc]

20 hours ago, kerryincork said:

I must be a terrible person because I ask all the people I meet about their jobs. I am interested in other people experiences when I don't have that experience myself.

 

From hotel receptionists and what sort of shifts do they work. Hairdressers how do you become trained? (it's different from country to country) police detectives, etc. I ask all the people I come across where they are from what difference they experience, etc. I have found out about all sorts of traditions, experiences and other peoples points of view.

 

I speak to any crew I meet, I'll ask them about their home counties, did they get to go ashore and some times the hours they work. But these are natural conversations not me ganging up on someone and quizzing someone.

 

For example I get up early I see the steward I greet them by name, I might say 'gosh you have an early start' they might respond yes my shift started at 6. I move on. Later that night I am returning to my cabin, I see the same steward, still working. I say hello you're still working I see. They might say my shift finishes at 23:00, they might then add I had a 4 hour break this afternoon, etc. Just normal chit chat in passing.

 

I have no interest in what people get paid or tops or anything about money.

 

I am glad that you have no interest about pay schedules.  However, bugging people about job details is being nosy in my opinion.  Maybe they don't want to talk about that stuff to a stranger.  With regard to ship crew, they are trained to be polite to the passengers even if they are uncomfortable with where the conversation is leading.   I don't know where you get to meet police detectives but your conversations w them must be very strange.

 

DON

[DarrenM]

On 11/18/2019 at 6:34 PM, clo said:

I regularly ask pretty much all the new people in my life all manner of question.  Bob says I can find out more about someone in ten minutes than he can in ten years.  I've written this before here (probably) but I find the 'human beast' endlessly fascinating and I show that interest. But I agree with you that it could certainly be done in a demeaning, poor-pitiful-you manner.

I agree with this. I asked our waiters all sorts of questions but after we had got to know them a little and had great rapore with them. For example, I noticed more than few people treating them appallingly, like they were their personal servants, whereas I made sure their efforts were appreciated and that the were not subserviant to us.

 

I am very much a socialist at heart and think everyone is equal, regardless of their job. My wife even exchanged facebook details with them, and they still communicate now, 200 days later.

 

It wasnt about demeaning them nor did we question them in that way.It was about where they were from, do you have a family etc, do you like soccer, which team do you support. Great craic.

 

 

[DarrenM]

didnt have the same rapore with the room guy, whatever their title is. But of course I actually suggested that we didnt need the room cleaning every day, and we could make our own bed. Dont think that was appreciated. But I am always like that in hotels etc. Its my room for the duration so I dont want someone coming in.

 

I hate the thought that someone felt they had to make my bed. Its why I could never employ a personal servant even if I could afford to. I can make my own bed and vaccuum the floros as good as anyone else.

[VMax1700]

40 minutes ago, DarrenM said:

Great craic.

Didn't realise that 'craic' is posh Geordie vernacular!! 😉😁

[ducklite]

7 hours ago, Elaine5715 said:

I am in a profession that when strangers hear, want to share or "pick my brain".  So, no, I don't share.  

I don't care if people ask what I do for a living.  I'm in sales.  If they ask what I sell, I tell them.  It's insanely boring and completely irrelevant to 99.999% of the population, so they seem to quickly change the topic.  😄 

 

My husband is in I/T (he doesn't say much more than that as he primarily works on government projects that he can't talk about beyond a generic "things are going well and on schedule") and he's had people ask questions about their laptop as if anyone who works in I/T should know how to fix whatever problem they are having.  🙄

[ducklite]

Interesting article I just came across.  See #1.

 

https://www.businessinsider.com/cruise-ship-workers-reveal-what-they-cannot-tell-passengers-2019-3#driving-a-ship-isnt-as-hard-as-it-looks-8

[ilikeanswers]

4 hours ago, DarrenM said:

didnt have the same rapore with the room guy, whatever their title is. But of course I actually suggested that we didnt need the room cleaning every day, and we could make our own bed. Dont think that was appreciated. But I am always like that in hotels etc. Its my room for the duration so I dont want someone coming in.

 

I hate the thought that someone felt they had to make my bed. Its why I could never employ a personal servant even if I could afford to. I can make my own bed and vaccuum the floros as good as anyone else.

 

I never get the turndown service. I don't really understand what the point of it is 😳 and besides most of the times when they want to do turndown service I am utilising the room so it just seems easier to tell them not to worry about it. 

[Elaine5715]

8 hours ago, Cruzaholic41 said:

 

To repeat a previous post - what a bunch of crap. If that actually happened, it’s so far from how normal people act that it’s ludicrous to suggest everyone who has a personal conversation is like that. 

This is my sister, my sister in law, her mother, her sister, my two-co-workers....shall I go on?

[Elaine5715]

8 hours ago, clo said:

Is this the kind of thing you've actually experienced? 

Multiple times..

[lenquixote66]

10 hours ago, Elaine5715 said:

I am in a profession that when strangers hear, want to share or "pick my brain".  So, no, I don't share.  

I have had many types of jobs in my life and if I am asked what I did for work I have a choice.One job I really cannot talk about and when I said that to a person he asked if I was a “hit man”.I smiled .

[Cruzaholic41]

49 minutes ago, Elaine5715 said:

This is my sister, my sister in law, her mother, her sister, my two-co-workers....shall I go on?

No need. Family has issues. Got it. 

[Blondilu]

I talk to pretty much anyone.  Table mates, room steward, waiters, clerks at sales desk, people in the elevator.  But, there is a BIG difference between being friendly and being rude and boorish.  And it has little to do with the topic, rather how you respond to how they respond.

 

Start with a simple and pretty general question or statement.  If they answer, let them do most of the talking.  Keep the conversation light and know when to leave. 

 

People often love to talk about themselves.  I have learned a whole lot about families and home life from room stewards simply by saying "Oh, I see your're from Mexico.  Guadalara?  My friend is from Nayarit.  Is that close?"  

 

Others don't want to talk at all.  Learn the difference and don't get your panties in a twist if someone doesn't want to talk you or ignores you completely.  And, for God's sake, don't keep pushing at someone who clearly isn't interested.  That really is rude.

 

The bottom line is if you do it right you can still be your friendly self and they can be whatever makes them comfortable.  

[DarrenM]

5 hours ago, VMax1700 said:

Didn't realise that 'craic' is posh Geordie vernacular!! 😉😁

Aye it is. And I have an Irish Father in law.

[ducklite]

55 minutes ago, Cruzaholic41 said:

No need. Family has issues. Got it. 

 

I have a handful of acquaintances who are like that.  Unfortunately it's not as uncommon as you'd like to think.

 

I was at a team dinner with a (now former) coworker I'll refer to as "M" who was so inappropriate to the busboy when he refilled the water.  He had a Hispanic accent and the conversation went something like this:

 

M:  "Hey, Where ya from?"

BB: "I was born in [insert country name here--it might have been Costa Rica] but I've been here for 10 years.

M: "Oh, so you didn't learn to read and write?"

:::stunned silence:::

BB: "Actually I graduated from High school and got a two year degree there.  After I immigrated to the United States I finished my degree here."

M:  "Well whatcha working as a waiter for then?"

BB:  "After I graduated I worked for seven years, and then I decided to return to school to get my MBA.  I took this job because it works well with the hours I need to be working towards my degree."

M:  "Well at least you have indoor plumbing here."

:::more stunned silence:::

BB (now growing irritated and trying to extricate himself politely):  "We had a nice home with the same plumbing when I grew up as I have now.  Please excuse me, I have to help another table."

 

We all just looked at her and didn't know what to say. Her employment was terminated two weeks later.  This was just one of the reasons why.

Edited November 20, 2019 by ducklite

[Kate P.C]

Nice said! I would never ask questions like that, unless I want to get a job on a cruise ship 🙂 I think it makes crew uncomfortable and probably because the questions are repetitive over the length of their contract they've learnt to answer automatically. Please don't ask crew such questions. As you wouldn't like to be asked yourself by random people you meet everyday at your job.

[Toofarfromthesea]

14 hours ago, ldubs said:

 

Me too.  I don't get how that is an issue.  I think this thread should really be aimed at when the line is crossed and polite conversation becomes intrusive, kind of like grilling someone.  Problem is people who tend to do this probably are clueless.   

 

Judging from these boards, many, many supposed adults have no idea how to have a normal conversation.  I remember when asking the kinds of questions that seem to horrify folks, about what they do or where do they live, were considered as simply taking an interest in someone, rather than a threat to their privacy.  More and more, people just want to wrap themselves in a self-involved cocoon.

[Toofarfromthesea]

12 hours ago, Cruzaholic41 said:

 

To repeat a previous post - what a bunch of crap. If that actually happened, it’s so far from how normal people act that it’s ludicrous to suggest everyone who has a personal conversation is like that. 

 

People with social conversation skills have no problem deflecting things they don't want to talk about.  

[Elaine5715]

2 hours ago, ducklite said:

 

I have a handful of acquaintances who are like that.  Unfortunately it's not as uncommon as you'd like to think.

 

I was at a team dinner with a (now former) coworker I'll refer to as "M" who was so inappropriate to the busboy when he refilled the water.  He had a Hispanic accent and the conversation went something like this:

 

M:  "Hey, Where ya from?"

BB: "I was born in [insert country name here--it might have been Costa Rica] but I've been here for 10 years.

M: "Oh, so you didn't learn to read and write?"

:::stunned silence:::

BB: "Actually I graduated from High school and got a two year degree there.  After I immigrated to the United States I finished my degree here."

M:  "Well whatcha working as a waiter for then?"

BB:  "After I graduated I worked for seven years, and then I decided to return to school to get my MBA.  I took this job because it works well with the hours I need to be working towards my degree."

M:  "Well at least you have indoor plumbing here."

:::more stunned silence:::

BB (now growing irritated and trying to extricate himself politely):  "We had a nice home with the same plumbing when I grew up as I have now.  Please excuse me, I have to help another table."

 

We all just looked at her and didn't know what to say. Her employment was terminated two weeks later.  This was just one of the reasons why.

Based on just the fact that the first question at the ship Q & A is usually, "how much do you get paid", you would think cruisers realize asking inappropriate questions of crew is commonplace.  

[Elaine5715]

17 minutes ago, Toofarfromthesea said:

 

People with social conversation skills have no problem deflecting things they don't want to talk about.  

How's that weather?   😋

[rugerdog]

12 hours ago, kerryincork said:

I don't sit a dinner table with bright light shinning it peoples eyes demanding they tell me all. Its meant to be a light conversation that passes the dinner hour by..

 

Exactly!  

[K32682]

1 hour ago, Toofarfromthesea said:

 

People with social conversation skills have no problem deflecting things they don't want to talk about.  

 

People who lack social skills don't seem to catch on when the deflection occurs. Nosey parkers can't seem to take the hint when they are getting one word or vague answers and keep prying. 

 

 

  

Edited November 20, 2019 by K32682